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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/999725-Suicide-attempt-unlucky
by jon
Rated: XGC · Other · Satire · #999725
A parody about people's responses to a failed suicide attempt.
Bayhill, CA
Suicide-attempt unlucky
A 17 year high school senior Christy Reagans was rushed to a nearby hospital late Saturday evening after overdosing on sleeping pills and suffering from a self-inflicted stab wound in the stomach. According to police reports, Christy's mother was enjoying a large party with friends and family when the telephone rang. "It was one of Christy's friends," Ms. Reagans recalled. "I called to her, and when no one answered, I went upstairs to her room. That's when I saw her near lifeless body on the floor, a pool of blood surrounding her, and a $1000 rug ruined by her bloody stains."
Ms. Reagans and a few family members rushed Christy to the hospital. There, doctors worked for 45 minutes flushing her system of the 20 pills she ingested, while spending another 2 hours repairing the 7 inch knife gash in her stomach.
"There were 14 mg of the chemical serratonine, which is twice the usual lethal limit," said Dr William Paskansy, chief surgeon at Bay Hill Medical. "That factor is coupled with the loss of 20 pints of blood. A one two combination that doesn't fail very often."
According to police reports, the loads of senior responsibilities and events had been weighing her down for months. The senior school year was almost over, and she hadn't been accepted to Butler University yet. Friends and family remember normally gently mannered Kristy growing increasingly agitated over the situation. 4 weeks before school ended, she was mailed a rejection letter. 2 weeks later, her boyfriend dumped her right before prom.
"That's when she decided to take her own life," said William Pauler, chief of police in Bay Hill, who spoke with Kristy in the emergency ward. "A bottle of poison used in conjunction with a 7 inch kitchen knife should have done the trick. Everything was done by the book."
Ms. Reagans expressed sorrow that she wasn't with her daughter when she needed her the most.
I didn't have the quantity or quality time to give to her. Family dinner time was something we missed a lot. Ironically, my roast beef knife is now gone, stained with blood, lying in the police station's evidence room."










confirmed that Christy, who is still in critical condition, attempted suicide.
"Ther
"It appears the suicide attempt was a complete failure," said William Douglas, chief of police in Bayhill county. "It just shows that when unpreparedness coupled with haste enter a situation, bad things are bound to happen." (never said anything about unpreparedness before; just assumed they knew; don't fuckin assume anything) (Be patient with this story; set the scene; then make comments about it afterwards)
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