"sea crashed with the incoming storm" The storm brings in the sea. describe the setting more. I was visualizing the 21 year old in a seaside apartment; then when it was mentioned she studies in the library, i thought she was there. immerse the reader more into the environment with the girl in it.
Delete "storm" if its not going to affect the characters actions or moods. a storm usually keeps ppl inside, but in Rena's case, she's always
studying.
thesis almost finished "as it was" delete "as it was"
father's "adamant" demand-Your dialogue was well written; the reader realizes that the father was adamant so you don't need to write it. He used the word MUST and you talked about his DEMAND so the reader realizes he is serious.
the storm was mentioned too briefly, then you cut away; it was a wasted sentence.
Overall, I liked your story. Yes indeed, I did. write me back; tell me what part of my review u didn't agree with or felt I should have elaborated on more. holla :) and I'd value your input on my suicide story. If you can, be really specific so u might not even have time to review the whole story, even though its only a page long.
jon from philly, i love it
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