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 |   A terminal for all blogs coming in or going out. A view into my life. |
Started July 1st 2019 for contests, etc. as other blogs are filling up and have other purposes.  I'm starting a new blog because
I'll be linking to
I've started an appendix (I no longer have one personally) to keep track of my Space Cadet journals for Space Blog. It's a work constantly under construction. Mind the mess.
I needed to start a folder for contests as there are so many deadlines and details to remember.
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 04/05/66{e:Checkg Exor. {e:Checkg blog. {e:Checkg ss&s. {e:Checkg PorP. {e:Checkg Thai. {e:Checkg pood. {e:Checkg Walk. {e:checkb foto. {e:Checkg Shop. {e:Checkg mess. {e:checkg tvBL. {e:checkg Pool. {e:checko obsv.}  03/06/66Queen's Day {e:Checkg Exor. {e:Checkv} blog. Phyllis/Lilli/Sorji 08:24 {e:Checkg ss&s. {e:Checkg PorP. {e:Checkg Thai. {e:Checkg pood. {e:Checkg Walk. {e:checkb foto. {e:Checkg Shop. {e:Checkg mess. {e:checkg tvBL. {e:checkg Pool. {e:checko obsv.} Forgotten among the zoysia, now turned brown after Summer has fled south... one lone ball faces the coming cold and Jack Frost's arrival. Will Jack want to play ball? I was laid to rest 36 hours ago; but my back doesn't like cold hard rock. I snuck past the mourner not to wake her up. I craved a bowl of rice. 7/11 was open so I bought two and came back to leave one for Mary. She would be hungry when she woke up. I went for a walk. Never came back. That's my story. At least the one I experienced. I've seen other recounts of that last week but I won't bother correcting them. I have more important unfinished business to attend to. I've moved on from the trauma.  02/06/66  foto. 08:20 Shadows, patterns Exor. 200/50/50/200 = 500 08:30 81°F ss&s. 09:15 rent. 11:45 Paid 4 months July through October.  12 เที่ยง  35°C Hot. Will it rain? PorP. "Decade by decade."  12:44 blog. Lyn/Annette/Sonali 13:06 obsv. kid's shoes, worker watering, wet shadows, thunder, rainbow 17:30  pood. นิดนอย Walk. 19:00 Shop. 19:00 lotus, rose, fish, Milo. Thai. Daily routines https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab-7F54b0dQ 22:21 tvBL. Be My Favorite. 21:30 Pool.I was cooler this morning. If I can get to the workout station around 8 it's not bad. The towers cast long shadows. In June the workout station is in the shadow of tower A2. I feel like s***. I'm tired, weak, distraught, depressed.  01/06/66  ss&s. 08:30 visa. 09:20 till July 1st  12 เที่ยง blog. Carol/Stik/Pumpkin 12:30 wash. Pan decided that today was the day. 13:45 Thai. 30 phrases https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNHBND20ti8 14:13 Exor. 100/50/75/300 = 525. I was 100 degrees. Used gloves. 16:18 Foto. Work station, thunderheads. 17:45 tvBL. 20:30 Skyy 2 ... ATOTS meets BadBuddies. This episode kinda works. Pool. 20:00 I was able to float on my back! First time since I was a child. PorP. blog entry "After all this time I'm still me" 20:45 obsv. Thunder, lightning! Rain at 9 pm. frog croak, glistening slippery sidewalks. The gate to the wat closed, late night diners, puddles, the pool like bath water. 22:30 Walk. 22:30 26°C pood. นิดนอย I need to write to this: "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" "A million dreams are keeping me awake"I'm exhausted. At least I reconnected with David. I have no friends here at the moment. He suggested the Sport's Bar in the red-light district. Guess some friendly Australians hang out there. 38C degrees at 13:49. I got up to 100F. There was thunder to the west. Big angry clouds. Got a decent photo. Wish the windows were clean. Forgot that I'm Premium-plus! and can set up another blog. Welcome: "Bibimbap 비빔밥 " Plus I can add photos! Cardamom... earthy, piney; bite of cinnamon, nutmeg... earthy, sweet; cloves fragrant, anise licorice, Prison slang: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/11-slang-terms-you-ll-only-hear-in-prison-a...  31/05/6630°C at 08:11.  Nursing a coffee. Today: work on writing. Try not to stress about tomorrow (Immigration - visa), Friday (Rent?), Saturday (Holy Day วันวิสาขบูชา Visakha Bucha, Queen's birthday, offices closed and also on Monday the 5th, Buon Bang Fai in Roi Et). Exor. 200/50/50/200 No problems. 09:20 blog. Neva/Judith/JohnnnyO 10:50 ss&s. 11:10 Thai. 5 tones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNhjPTkBeKw 11:37 12 เที่ยง PorP. "Snakeheads [180.51] " 16:00 needs edit Walk. 19:00 Foto. Yellow and purple flowers. Pool. 19:30 Pool. 19:45 tvBL. Our Skyy 2 Bad Buddy meets ATOTS... wtf... 21:30 obsv. Bird chasing bug, dappled shadows; thunderheads.pood. A little. mess. A little. Breakfast/frokost: White rice and grilled chicken and grilled pork. I added chopped peanuts and sauce and sliced cucumber. 10:20 To Judith: "I didn't know I had rights growing up. Just being me was 'wrong'. Americans want to vote on everything but refuse to acknowledge the personal freedom to define oneself. I believe in Human Rights. Americans don't. Which is why your comment "We are not free to inflict damage on other people's rights. is so important imho. I know that I'm generalizing; but, I have experienced being the recipient of other people's angers, fears and ignorance." ss&s: morning routines freshening up. May seem silly to most folks but years of depression and not giving-a-rats-ass means that it has to be on my list. I need to 'work' today. It would be easy to just ignore getting dressed, hygiene, eating or anything else on my list. Thai conjoined twins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2LSdPvPRFA I entered the Senior contest. "Sunsets of Sunflowers" Trying to enter "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" "Snakeheads" "Elemental "  30/05/66 blog. Elizabeth/Ken/Tracker 09:10 obsv. partly cloudy cotton puffs, the sun plays with the shadows; shade, sticky, barely a breeze, black&white feathers in flight, pesky flies, my bite itchy, reddened, not healing, whoop of a bird. 10:25 Exor. 200/100/100/200 10:40 88 degrees and ss&s. 11:40 Thai. Tones: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXWiObQ9xu8 13:45 tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ Ep.8 online. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIMM-79wRno It ends. 17:00 Walk. 19:00 Foto. 19:00 Pool. 20:00 PorP. 21:15 "Haiku [180.49]"  pood. 86 degrees at 08:14Alice bunnied across the room like a wounded grasshopper, zig-zagging as if her life depended on it. When she entered the board meeting she let go like a rock-slide taking out two executives. The CEO smiled. "Spare?" She thundered and let go a torrent. 44w Entered Shadows & Light: "HERE LIES A QUEER " I'm not going to beat up Cruz on this: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ted-cruz-calling-uganda-s-anti-gay-law-h... TO @victorhugolab "Exactly... I saw those comments too and thought WTF? My boyfriend's mother is 60 but looks 40 by-the-way, so even that is lost on Westerners. My experience is global so I agree that the audience is Asia and specifically Thailand. I stated to someone else: "Jim/Jam are early? 40s and GenX/Millenial. They would have been through the coup d'état of 1991, 2006 and 2014. Isan (Sakon Nakhon where they are from) has been more progressive, more leftist, more Lao, more rural and more repressed than the powers in Bangkok. This may be lost on Westerners as these issues cannot be approached directly. Wen is often seen wearing orange... which is the color of the young progressives that just won the elections on May 14th. Subliminal or intentional? Possibly." I'm in Udon Thani and really appreciate the ways these BL series include culture and language. The silly boy-meets-boy in a private school in Bangkok origins have become deeper with genres added (horror, mystery, crime, etc.) and, with the financial backing, incredible cinematography, great OSTs, and A level actors (Khaotung, Earth, First, among them). They also address mental illness, deafness, disabilities, poverty, physical illness... they are expanding into showing everyday life, including actors who are not bleached-blond Western-wannabes or ethnic Thais (or Thais with light-skinned Chinese heritage) from Central Thailand." It was 98 in the late afternoon. It was hard taking a walk. I did see a toad/frog and a skink. Got some photos, but overall it was a bust. I came back exhausted to find no one home as Pan decided to go swimming without me. I did join him but this does not make me happy.  29/05/66Chronologically:  Exor. 200/50/50/300 ish. A small boy in diapers wanted to join me.  88 degrees. 11:40 = late. obsv. Yesterday; puddles, jet overhead, running to catch Pan, slight pain of the twist, yellow leaves and flowers, slippery tiles, dog bark, moto-roar. Today: young boy looking, thinking, playing. Faint clouds. Rick's cigarette. Pan splayed out in bed. 12:34 ss&s. 12:55 PorP. Comb/goat/island They climb trees. They eat fruit, s*** nuts, that we collect, that we press into oil. rake the ground then comb your hair. No woman is an island when goats must be tended. "In Sousse-Massa [180.48] ((8))" 13:07 Foto. Food. 14:00 tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.7:1 online. Reaction by Javi. 17:00 Pool. Pannya didn't want to tonight. Walk. 18:30 Shop. 18:30 local market for vegetables, pork. Pannya cooked. blog. Storm/Stik/Whirls/NormaJean 20:09 Thai. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoV4AFQ8UIY 22:30pood. Spoke a few words but not really. mess. Pannya made breakfast for me, swept the floor. I did a little. I wrote a blog entry based on my poem, put it on the Newsfeed as well. "Maya Angelou's advice... when will I know better? " so far it looks like a productive day; but, I'm unhappy. Lost 4.200+ words that were supposed to become a blog entry. Can't redo it tonight. I rejected Pannya's food because the egg was runny and the veggies under-cooked. I'm not upset with him but he may think that I am. I cringe over raw eggs. I can't chew raw vegetables. My teeth are bad. I explained that they need to be chopped. I hope I'm not stressing him as he gets depressed easily. So... I need to smile.  |
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For your contribution of [Link To Item #2287902]](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Be_Romantic-2283517_1.gif) Be Romantic This badge was given to you by: Dr Rupali Goswami  For your contribution of "Express yourself Within Forty Words " 28/05/66  blog. Critic/AmyJo/Tigger 09:55 Exor. 200/100/50/200 10:30 Walk. 11:30 Foto. 12:00 ss&s. 12:30 shop. Pannya needed goggles, food (always) and we saw the Little Mermaid. 18:30 Pool. 20:15 tvBL. UMG 21:00 Thai. 22:55 PorP.To Cricket: "I think it could help me write a skeleton of a story that I could then revise. Or... it could create entertainment and I'd never have to read nor write again. We already have enough entertainment available on-line. There isn't any need to leave the cave, interact with real people or create anything new. We won't live long enough to listen to all the music on youtube or learn everything at wikipedia. It can lead to stagnation: the regurgitation of yesterday's offerings." "I was 100 years old the day you were born. I'm only 82 now. Together we'll always be 100. May you live so long so you can see me as a youth and I can see my childhood again." Pannya believes in rituals and keeping the cultural norms... so, of course, he ordered enough food for both of us even though I didn't want to eat. We took half home. Which is fine with me. I tried to explain, but we're in Thailand. Earlier... it rained in the morning, not as hot a day. Gloomy but by night a beautiful moon and Venus. My life is getting into a rut. The good news: I'm doing okay. The bad: I'm very isolated and have no friends. 27/05/66  Exor. 200/100/50/250. 09:15 ss&s. 10:40 Fast. Finished breakfast at 10:55. Pannya cooked fish and rice. blog. Joy/Neva/Robert 11:24 Foto. 13:15 Walk. 13:15 PorP. "Run, run, run [180.47] M#19 40w" 15:45 tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ | EP.6 1-4 "I can live anywhere. But it's damn lonely." 18:00 (again on TV) Pool. 20:00 Thai. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pU0k13dr7_k EP.1 22:20It was 80 at 8 am, 87 at 10 am. Partly cloudy. Wish it would rain. Most likely tomorrow. 85 at 21:14. After the swim... ate what Pannya had cooked: rice with pork, raisins... Observations: A woman blowing bubbles for a little girl, my burn has healed, bite still reddened, tree-loppers, floor-swishers, phone-talkers, sod-layers? tile-fixers? (both not today), 40 words: 05/27/2023-'run' I would walk away. As fast as I should. I would say little. Nothing if I could. Don't want your crumbs. Don't think it's fun. I'm not so dumb. I'm not your chum. Stultify, nullify, justify, petrify. Good guy? bad guy? bye-bye and I run, run, run. 47 Edited, posted. 05/28/2023-'wish' 05/29/2023-'will' 05/30/2023-'next' 05/31/2023-'prime' 26/05/66 Exor. 300/50/50/200 10:30 Cut back on twisting and swaying. My back isn't 100% cook. rice, pork, duck-eggs, quail eggs, onion, green, cabbage... 11:00 ss&s. 12:30 blog. Sorji/Gemini/Cappucine 13:05 tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ | EP.5 1-4 16:30 บทกวีของปีแสง (You Are My Favorite, Botkawi Khong Pisaeng) 21:30 Foto. 18:45 Walk. 19:00 Pool. 19:50 Something bit me. PorP. 20:15 "This weight of water [180.46] M#18 40w" Thai. LTT S2:11-13 23:0084 degrees at 11:10. Cloudy. 89 degrees at 19:10. Not as hot today. Pannya thinks I'm hot...  So I took my temp. 97.9. Guess I'm not. But truthfully? I feel a bit feverish and listless. I'm worn out. But at least Pannya thinks I'm hot.  14:01... lying in bed under the a/c watching "Moonlight Chicken". I ate a bit more. Wonder whether that will help or not. Pannya focuses on rules and rituals. He interrupts me when I'm writing or doing something important to me because I've broken one of the rules and that must be attended to first. This. This is why the Swiss aren't known for expressive creativity. Fortunately they can be a haven for folks like Tina Turner... but she would never have become her creative self growing up there. บทกวีของปีแสง (You Are My Favorite, Botkawi Khong Pisaeng) is new... and twisted. Vi får se. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw 25/05/66 Exor. 200/50/50/200 84 degrees and an easterly breeze. 08:40 blog. Harlow/Judith/Dianne 10:30 Wash. 12:50 Pannya washes the clothes tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.4:3-4 online. 13:45 TV: Our Skyy 2 is an annoying farce. Thumbs down. rose. white 15:00 Foto. rain video, tattoo, market, Lumpini 15:15 Walk. 14:30-15:30 slow walk getting wet. shop. eggs, greens, light bulb, TP. 18:30 Pool. 19:20 ss&s. 19:30 PorP. "HERE LIES A QUEER [180.44] ((8)) " "The best, the better, and the rest [180.45] M#17 40w " 20:55 Thai. LLT S2:8-13 23:0507:26 and 81 degrees. May have sprinkled. May sprinkle again. May not get as hot today! Saw three monks walking with a helper (novice?) with a cart following. The street behind us seemed busier at 7 then it will be later. Also: bumblebee, women in a pink blouse high stepping, an ant among the fragrant orchids, heavy equipment making noises, one hoot by the southbound 08:20 train, finches, mynas, the elevator floor still damp from being mopped. 93 degrees at 14:00 and getting dark. It poured around 14:30 and cooled down drastically. Now 80 degrees at 18:00. May rain again overnight. One can hope. The land still thirsts. Another slurp would be best. To Harlow "Oh... I'll hop in! One of the issues of Western Christian culture is a dualism that goes back at least to the time of Moses and Zoroaster. The right/wrong black/white paradigm does not allow for other options found naturally (like 3 lobed, 4 lobed, 5 lobed leaves and repetitive patterns of fractals). If modern-day Christians would learn something from Biology 101 they wouldn't be puzzled by multi-gender cultures found around the world. With their insistence on purity (my way or the way to hell) they have unintentionally killed and, intentionally, murdered millions. In Thailand "lady boys" are referred to as lady boys and lesbians are tom or dee. In biology, XXY, XXX, and X are well-known among geneticists and secondary sexual manifestations are just accepted as such. Fascinating knowledge, but Christians cannot cope with anything outside of the narrow high-walled, deep-moat, gated existence of the self-righteous. I have had acquaintances and friends in all of these categories. But... I'm old. It took time to actually meet people because not everyone felt safe decades ago and still don't. A certain openness, on my part and theirs, helped. It would have happened sooner but I was very shy and private growing up. Still am about many things. As far as chopping "things" off... eunuchs didn't always have a choice. Apparently, they were considered safe among women (google 'eunuch'... quite fascinating) and accepted in roles that restricted men. In a gender dichotomy without a trans category (or any other options) I accept a person as whatever they say and however they present themselves." The Hill we die on will be blood stained with the miscarriage of justice, just us shouting through the silence of those muted by your dogmatic bigotry gifted to you by generations of hatred and fear. Hear us when we say queer. Hear us when we shout queer. Bury us with the epitaph, here lies a Queer. We will shout from the graveyard, my dear. ((8)) "@tinagary3696 MSTSL ... make sure your learn Thai (American-French sign family) not Taiwanese (Chinese-Korean sign family) sign language. In Thailand you could do both. I'm in Udon Thani in Isan (Thai/Lao speaking with a large Vietnamese community). No need to stay in Bangkok or the beach unless that's your preference. This series is placed in Pattaya, a major ex-pat party hub but Thailand is big and amazingly diverse. Visit as a traveler (one month max is good for a 30 day visa) then fall in love with the people in a place that speaks to you." https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/why-i-like-ron-desantis/ar-AA1bEVx3?cvid... 24/05/66 Exor. 200/100/100/300 09:20 Foto. Flowers, gazebo, workers 09:30 blog. Robert/Brian/Elizabeth 10:15 ss&s. 10:40 PorP. "At the zenith [180.43] M#16 40w" 11:15 Walk. To UD Town. Shopped at Lotus. 19:00  Pool. I got bit and Pannya won't let me swim until it's okay. Thai. LLT S2: 8-10 22:00 tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.4:1-2 online. Our Skyy 2. 22:2588 degrees at 09:44 which isn't so bad. My body is definitely getting used to the heat, but I still must be careful. Part of my problem yesterday may have been the walk I took when it was stifling hot. I'm finally eating left-over rice with an egg. It's 10:50 and 90 outside with barely a flutter (3 mph) of a breeze. 98 degrees at 14:00 and no rain.  We need the rain and I need a break from the extreme heat. 23:57 ... pee and go to bed. 81 degrees. I don't think it rained in town. The Hill We Climb (or is it the hill we die on) https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/author-of-poem-removed-from-florida-school-fir... 40 words: 05/24/2023-'Golden' Retrieved: At the zenith a golden retriever smiles as always, happy to be loved, even happier to return that love. Whatever is thrown his way he brings back, again and again. Nothing is ever lost, not a ball, not a toy, not one stray happy thought. He always finds what his master is looking for. For him, that's enough. 57w Edited, posted. 05/25/2023-"The Best" the better and the rest. In your world of morality/venality/normality/exceptionality /totality, we who are merely mediocre dare not apply our exceptionality nor bow to your totality. 05/26/2023-'depth' Depression Glass: At the bottom what lies above crushes (the lies above crush the crystal vase that contains our soul). Yet this weight holds bones and flesh and thoughts in place. In the shallows all pain and sorrow would be released and dispersed. He returns to the depths to hold on to his treasures. 40w Served on a platter: Breakfast was served on her very best china by her favorite eunuch of a husband. Her second favorite had served her earlier in bed. She felt sated by the mere memory of salty sweat. She'd taken two hot showers just to savor and relive them. Character Prompt for May 2023: Whatacharacter: An opsimath is someone who begins to learn or study only late in life. Write a story about an opsimath of an unusual field or subject matter. Once a May Queen, once a maiden, then a vampire, now immortal, the memories of a sunlit pasture with sunny flowers would lose all color. The books would have to do. As would the friendly mole and badger. They brought food ... now and then ... she had suffered on crumbs above ground. Here she would be grateful for less. she listened to the gurgle of water; each whoosh or trickle told her what season it was and carried the news from above. she withdrew into the liminal space between here and there where nothing mattered. she studied the language of water. It was older than her and she'd always valued the wisdom of elders. she cupped some in her hand. hot or cold, clear or murky/foggy in a rush or languid she knew the messages they conveyed. Her journals held the notes of one thousand years and the tears of generations of humanity. she was no longer human but refused to deny that she had been born a daughter of warlike barbarians. she would die in peace, if she were ever granted her greatest wish ... to just die. Bard: pictures and haiku. 1095327 winds among the mighty / leaves wither from fallen branches 14 1093743 jayhawk's dim view / stone framed by crab apple blossoms 13 S 1092605 a tracery of purple redbud / a puddle surrounded by friends 16 S? 1099710 old larch tree knees / what lurks beneath the pond's surface 12 1543992 october tenth leaves / red gold leaves hold on tight 11 S entry:644820 "May all life be a calm summer morning" In the voice of a boy 16 calm july morning / voice of a boy 1551694 fragile pink blossoms / the dinner will be served late 12 To Michelle Tuesday on FB: Missed out a lot over the years. Too many doubts, too many fears. I should be grateful for this chance, one fleeting fling before Death's dance. 23/05/66 Chronologically: Exor. 200/75/75/200. My back aches just a bit so I did what I could. blog. Jim/Jennifer/Beholden ss&s. 11:40 PorP. "Lordie me [180.42] M#15 40w [18+]" 13:25 Thai. LLT S2: 6-8 14:35 Walk. Nong Bua 16:30 Foto. Nong Bua 16:30 Shop. Duck and quail eggs, Milo. 16:45 mess. Not much to do. tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.3:1-4 20:55 online. Pool.87 degrees at 09:38. Light grey cloud cover should give way to rain this afternoon. อาจมีฝนตกในช่วงบ่ายนี้ One can hope. Forecast for the week: 95/77 with rain probable. 91 degrees at 11:50. Out of the sun it doesn't feel so bad. My body has acclimated somewhat. Notes: fragrant pink orchid, spent white trumpets, "cool" handlebars, pesky flies, twitter, clouding over, weak sun, mottled brown slug (5 cm), pigeons and doves, white, oranges, yellow, pink, violet, red flowers. Sad/happy note: seems like the anti-ant chalk is working. I applied some last night. But... found some in the rice. Cooking. Pannya usually cooks but I felt like it today and he got up late as usual. Sometimes he'll get up, make rice for me, and go back to bed. He randomly cleans, so I cleaned just a tad. Noon: he's resting/sleeping. It's 97 at 14:36 and it wants to rain. Time for a walk (with my umbrella). Didn't rain. I walked to the Chinese Cultural Center and Nong Bua. Saw Ben. Then walked across the tracks to UD Town and bought eggs at Lotus. Pannya did get up and actually cooked rice. I'm worn out, weak, not feeling well. I'm worried about Pannya but I'm also worried about myself. Watching Moonlight Chicken makes me weepy. It's the perfect hour to call Gare... and I'm afraid. 87 degrees at 21:17. I went out for a short walk. It's now 23:40 and time to nod off... if I can. Last night/today is the commemoration of the Declaration of The Bab. 22/05/66 Up at a decent hour. 93 degrees when I exorcised (not a typo). No oomph = did less. Air looks bad. One doesn't see air when it's good. Hopefully the rains return tomorrow. Now 97 at 11:20. Finished my 40w. Started studying Thai. Ate some rice and fish. Coffee. Fuzzy headed. I want to take a nap. Dancing with fears. Dance. Dance the dance macabre. Dance as if your life depends on it. It does. Dance the dance that only you can dance. Dance until you drop in a swoon for all the beauty you've created. Random memory of Lima 1974. No clue why... was I dancing? I did feel free. I was so distraught that I'd given up. Is 'not caring' a type of 'letting go'. Two hour nap may not have been the brightest idea. I'm groggy now at 14:49. An oppressive 95 outside. Big thunder clouds. ฝนตกแล้วเหรอ? 98 at 16:22. I really need to go for a walk. Bought bananas and took some photos. กินข้าวกับเนย ซื้อกล้วยสิบเก้าลูก 30 baht PorP. "Mirror, mirror... [180.41] M#14 40w" Thai. LLT S2:4-6 Pool. Walk. Bought bananas. Foto. ถ่ายภาพ Dog, hat, chickens, flower. Pool. Exor. 100/100/100/200 Not feeling too good. ฉันควรออกกำลังกายทุกวัน tvBL. On-line พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.1-EP.2 mess. ทำความสะอาดระเบียบ ss&s. I remembered without putting this here, but I should anyways. อึโกนหน้าอาบน้ำQOTD for Lilli: "My (almost) daily objectives as recorded in my weekly blog "Porthole" .PorP. Poetry or prose. At the moment 40 words and Express it in 8. The bottom line: write every day. Thai. I must practice and use Thai e.v.e.r.y day; otherwise, why am I here? Pannya has noticed my effort. Pool. I never learned how to swim. We have a pool! So... every day I try to deal with my fears. Walk. It means I get out, say hello or take pictures, get to know my way around or just walk for the exercise. Foto. Flowers, culture, animals, buildings, sunsets... whatever. I've taken some underwater photos and video. Exor. Exorcize/exercise. What's the difference. There is a 4 station work-out. I need to strengthen muscles. tvBL. Thai BL series help me learn language, culture and helps me deal with old personal issues. mess. I'm not as organized or orderly as I should be, so I should work on my mess to make it better. ss&s. s***, shave and shower, etc. Sounds silly except that it's so easy to not take care of myself. If I do these daily I make new habits. Living in another country is not a picnic." 7349 |
| 21/05/66 Up at a decent hour. A dreary 91 degrees at 09:05. Breakfast: rice gruel with pork. Workout: yellow and white butterflies, a bee, a bug, a fly, two doves and one orangeish squirrel traipsing along the fence. PorP. "Nothing to do with it [180.40] M#13 40w" Thai. Online and book Pool. Walk. Foto. A couple flowers. Exor. 100+100/100+100/100/300 (m,m,no hands). 800 total. Not so bad when there's a bit of shade. tvBL. UMG. Chicken on-line. baht. Withdrew money. Since the charge is 220 baht, I usually take out 20,000 then nurse it for as long as I can. 05/21/2023-'good' I resolved to give up being perfect as there was never a past - present - future that was perfect. But I did something right by mistake and won the lottery! I swear, dear Mae, goodness had nothing to do with it1. 05/22/2023-'always' Never have I broken my heart. Torn it a few times? Sure. And my bones? A few. What about promises? Ah, there you've got me. And me in the mirror? I've learned to love you... but I'll always remember... how you hurt me. 05/23/2023- 'Lordie me' Can you write a political limerick? Sure. Lord Lundy of Lim'rick got lucky/mucky. Ron deSantis of Disney's just yucky/sucky. They met in a bar. Where under a star. They met Donald the twice loser duckie. What about Joe Biden? Joe's not bad he's just cheugy. [lounged while the lugers lost their luster] a study in alliteration or a limerick. We have no rights to our individuality: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/mississippi-transgender-teen-will-miss-high-sc... To Steven re "Webster": I get the impression that you didn't like it. Remakes and rip-offs can work as good as or better than the original, especially when the barrier to understanding is culture or language. An example from my life: I'm sure that the movie "A Man Called Otto" is done well; but, I understood "En man som heter Ove" quite fine, thank you. It may be because of my Swedish heritage, and where as Otto as a curmudgeon has to be explained, Ove is iconic. What the need to remake Ove does for me is highlight how Americans have lost the understanding of Europeans in a century of mixing and isolation. To wit: Black Americans by any synonym are not Africans and Thais of Chinese heritage are not Chinese. In the US it varies by ethnic group. Swedes became americanized swifter than Norwegians; Greek Americans are still Greek... in many ways. With any group it's possible to emphasize the similarities or differences. But back to "Webster". I don't remember the show very well. I was in a different stage of life in the 80s than you were and, as you pointed out, your sister had a totally different reaction. My older sister and I did not grow up in the same family that my younger sister did. Yes, in the same house with the same parents, but the family dynamics had changed in 8 years. Note: I comment here because your book format only allows for reviews. With 47 entries so far you're doing a good job though." To Stik: "Glad you explained why passing people is a problem. I didn't connect the dots. As for potholes... why would any course have a hazard? Although, I can trip over myself on uneven pavement... so... My legs are "short". I don't have a body suited for running. I'm a bit knock-kneed... again, not suitable. My lungs... *sigh*. Also, I'm old, but that's just a lame excuse. I am trying to work out daily! But I'm not interested in strength or endurance. I'm trying to work on flexibility and lower back and thigh muscles. An ND (from Malaysia of Indian heritage working in China... gotta love hostels!) I met in Bangkok pointed out how I wasn't walking properly. His free advice was priceless."Well... I know the word for ant, but haven't yet found ant-killer. Ah... maybe at Lotus. 12:55. The Resident Zombie has risen from his bed. 99°F 37°C. I walk slow, stick to the shade when I can. I'm vampish; heat does not amuse me. Pannya ran out of money. He gave half to his mother because he bought a smart-phone. He ate out, bought a watch. Money lasted less than a week. 10 days left in the month and he has nothing. To Stik: "I wasn't prepared for the isolation and lack of mobility. Without a car and with travel restrictions I was marooned in a town that closed its cafés and shut down its social life other than bars and casinos. The anti-everything-scientific folks and the anti-everything-decent leader more than annoyed me. Anxiety and depression assailed me. Is it over? No. Am I obsessed with it? No. How about isolation and mobility, anxiety and depression? I managed in Montana but I'm struggling here in Thailand due to language, culture and climate. Still, I feel healthier than in 2021 and 2022. I was traumatized long before covid; but, covid didn't help because my coping skills of travel and connection were severely compromised." 20/05/66 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWBlFUnnqY4 https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/andrew-sean-greer-a-gay-writer-in-search-of-tr... How many shades of gay are there? I lived in farmland Kansas when I was 23... loved it... but deSantis has a christo-fascist vision for his Amerikkka... and that is NOT acceptable to me. Better Thailand. Thai. TalkThai and book. PorP. "Crow [180.39] M#12 40w" Exor. 100/100/100/300 (bicycle mfs medium-fast-slow) Thai. Pool. Scooted along edge on my back. Making progress to 7/11. Bought soap and mouthwash. Walk. Only a short walk. Foto. At the pool, in our room. tvBL. Moonlight ChickenI'm weak and dizzy. Not a good sign. Pannya came back very late (early?). Es mejor decir la madrugada; no hay palabra en inglés. He put the a/c on freezing and that made it hard for me to sleep. I got to bed at 2 am and got up late. Nap? Noon: 37°C = 98°F ... for the next 5 hours. Except... it may have rained and I was able to exercise when it was still a tad cloudy. Makes a huge difference. Today is a purple day. I should buy a purple shirt this week. And a short sleeve green, pink or red one. Also a t-shirt? I have a lot of clothes... just not the right ones. Ashishishe stood at bat. He would show the Braves who was brave today. He was brave every day. He wore his name "crow", like an emblem, in honor of his namesake. Strike 3? Tomorrow, he smiled. And all the tomorrows left to him. Apsáalooke always rose up from defeat. So not 'into' today. 19/05/66 It's 10:07 and I'm finishing up my rice and coffee. I should do my outdoor exercise before it gets hotter. It's 91 degrees. 100 is forecast. I eat slow. Twin: Alberth stood there ignoring me in Uvita. I thought... out of context... maybe he didn't recognize me? I said nothing. When I saw him back home I mentioned this. He said, Oh, that's my twin Ivan. Edited and posted. PorP. "Doppelganger [180.36] M#11 40w" "Elegy in sepia [180.37] ((8)) photo of tree and giraffe" "Breakfast's at Eight [180.38] ((8)) 40w " Thai. Very little. Pool. Pannya wasn't home. I won't go in alone. Walk. Foto. Took a couple. Edited a few. Posted 5 at FB Exor. 100/100/100/250 at 11:15. I wore gloves because the handlebars burn. tvBL. End of Boss and Babe? Happy ending but it faded towards the end. Spill the beans into a bowl, then let them soak. Wash the rice, remove the stones. Chop cilantro, carrots, onions, peppers, add a yolk. Cook when daybreak dawns. Don't eat alone. Invite family, friends and folk. Puts flesh on bones. 40w Edited, posted. 00:28. Pannya said he was back one hour ago. I wait. And wait. 18/05/66 Today is Mark's birthday. I believe it's also my college graduation day. Pan and I have been together 6 months. Bought a rose. He had his durian ice cream at Swensens. PorP. ""Adagio in Armagh" ... Sound of Glass ((8)) [180.35]" Skipping 40 words for a day. Mess. Wash. Pannya did the wash. I helped a tad. Thai. Spoke with Pem (she teaches children age 2-7), reviewed Video.  Pool. Walk. Foto. Lotus and orchids. Exor. Did about 50/50/100/250. Not sure. I did less because it was stifling hot and the handle bars seared my flesh. 38 degrees at 5 pm. Probably hit 39 today. tvBL. Didn't get home in time.How to write about a cockroach: 1. Love it. whether you write about how you hate them or love them deep-fried, it's all about you. 2. Learn how to describe it. How it breathes, moves, breeds. 3. See the world through the eyes of a cockroach. What obstacles must it overcome. Now do this about your neighbor down the street that you hate, that you compare to... Write about what you know and love. To Jennifer: "Lies... do so much harm. Truth may hurt but one knows where one stands. Lies? It's like quicksand.  "Got up late. Now 11:11. I'll need to tackle my list. It does remind me that I need to make new routines and that I can't sit inside all day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joUEC257ZS0 17/05/66 For forty: 05/17/2023-'Mother' Mother/father. In the motherland, the fatherland, the hermaphrodictic snail doesn't care. It just waves it's eye-stalks, wear its home on its back. looks for another to share a moment, lays eggs, never raises its children. 05/18/2023-'Father' 05/19/2023-'twin' Gemini/ Albert/Ivan he didn't tell me he had an identical twin. the good twin the bad twin 05/20/2023-'brave' to brave the gloom, the wind, the cold they flee to a beach to brave the waves the wind and sand-fleas. Ah, Englishmen and dogs blister in the noon day sun. The heat. The humidity. I breathe hard; but, my skin loves it. Any exertion is met with a huff and a puff. I walk slowly. I wear a hat. I use lotion and shower twice, thrice... Everything smells by the end of the day. For only one night, a white flower blooms fragrant, masking the ennui of a rotting listless life. It's tranquil alright. It's not the weather, as Northerners can attest, it's the clothes one wears. Here it's "cover up from the sun", and anything that bites. But it's more than wanting to peel off one's skin. I'm weary and worn out. PorP. "In the Temple of Hermaphrodite [180.34] M#10 40w" Mess. some Thai. some Pool. Walk. Ran into Kelly from Australia. Foto. three+ taken and 4 posted. SS&S. Exor. 200-100-50-200 cc. Dropped my key but found it. tvBL. Skyy 2Sound of Glass: Mary sags slowly like a Brahm's adagio yet tinkles like bells when struck. She's had ten too many children and now wants to crash through the ceiling before she's too worn out. She's 30. A bit of hemlock? A dash of arsenic? As the owner of her future, she'll rise to the top and give her offspring what their father can never stop. ((8)) To AL on FB: "Yes. I understand. I miss a lot from earlier stages of my life. Here I try to talk to the same people on a regular basis. They will never be my friends but it's comforting none-the-less. A swede in Norrjöping once told me that every Swede had 3 friends and didn't need another. I wish I had that many old friends. Traveling has opened the world, but cut me off from deeper relationships. Social media gives the illusion of connection; but, it's not the same as watching a parade with friends in Norway on the 17th of May and sharing an ice cream later". 16/05/66 PorP. "Bertha [180.33] M#9 40w" Mess. Thai Pool. I won't go alone. Walk. Went to the Wat west of Nong Prajak. Foto. Took photos of Pan at the Wat and while he was getting a massage. SS&S. Need to do daily. Exor. 200-100-50-150 counterclockwise. 6 minutes.Grateful Dead https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVF22wIKPKU Bertha: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaYfA7tfT1g Bertha: She grated the carrots, julienned the jujubes, gently braised the parrots, threw it all in a pot. We were grateful when she was gone. We arranged a wake, setting in front of her portrait an offering of burnt toast with fermented fish and cheese. Edited: "Bertha [180.33] M#9 40w" To Mighty: "We all have different personalities and the times may dictate who is best to lead. I think of the old Cherokee paradigm. Beloved Woman decided whether the village was at peace or at war. Each of the 7 clans had peace chiefs and war chiefs. No one was best suited for everything. Your style may not suit everyone or be the best in every situation. So why not own that? Same with the 'problem' employee. In a family or village they would be contributing in their own way and valued for that. Drama has its uses, as does a more chaotic approach, not every aspect of life need be timed. That said, the chief may "help" them find a better position. What are this person's strengths? And can they be harnessed... elsewhere. But, even royalty needs a jester. It keeps them humble. And you are royalty." "You noted that I embedded the song I referred to. It helps those who are curious but unfamiliar with the song. It's also a courtesy and good form. Same with references to articles. Why make someone search for what is being referred to when a simple link will suffice. It's common these days for the media (social media is worse) to make outrageous hyped headlines followed by a short article with no links or references to back up the premises. Journalism has suffered by by the click-bait monetization of information while facts are less important than ka-ching ka-ching. I shouldn't have to fact-check e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g I travel. I'm not a tourist bureau. No one pays me to tell you about the garbage in the canals of Paris or the river that runs through Peja in Kosovo, or the stench of durian in Udon Thani or stinky tofu in Tainan, Taiwan, or how black-out curtains are a must in Norway. I write from personal experience for nothing, and it hurts to know that many writers are paid for their lies." 15/05/66 Beautiful or buttfull? Each scar, each mole, each imperfection reminds me that I once was young and self-conscious, thinking that I was ugly, unaware that age would rob me of what I once had. Post-acne and pre-wrinkle... I had my moments in the sun. Swimming wouldn't be so bad if it didn't involve water. I shudder each time I go under. Like anesthetic... wondering whether I will ever surface. PorP. "Moments in the sun [180.32] M#8 40w" Thai Pool. Made some progress addressing my fear. Took underwater video. Sent it to Pan. WalkElections in Thailand were mostly uneventful. The military must accept the voice of the people clamoring for change... at least for now. 7309 Footnotes |
| 14.เดือนพฤษภาคม Mighty: The Kong. The Moon. All rivers flow from high to low. Not all reach the sea. But here... where ricefields flood then overflow and mighty river banks cannot stem the flow... only redirect it... we watch the water take it all away, leaving us bereft and those downstream... drowning. 45+4w Edited in "Floodplains [180.30] M#7 40w" I posted on FB: "I remember special meals in my life: my father making milk-toast when my sister and I were sick; mother making fudge; my uncle and cousin cooking fat burgers on the grill. When I traveled to Hayfield, Mavis tried to kill me with a full English breakfast (bless her) and Cecilie Liv Moe braised whale in cream sauce when I visited her in Tromsø. I dare not forget never-ending Tim Tams in Wangi Wangi (thanks to Dirk and Linda Visman). What do these memories hold in common? They were shared with love and kindness. Kindness isn't fancy nor does it draw attention to itself. Love is freely given in the large or small doses of daily life. It's what has kept me alive." My mother (1922-2022) would have been 101 last week. My father (1916-1999) lived as long as he did because of my mother. I'm in my last stage of life (for an unknown passage of time). Pannya is cooking rice and went to Seven-Eleven and brought me back snacks. I may live longer and healthier (even if only for a short time) due to his care. It's 10:12. I'm foggy. I got up very early to watch the results of Eurovision. No surprise that the juries loved Loreen and gave her an insurmountable lead. The audience in the hall and the voters at home were enthusiastic for Käärijä and voted him first by a wide margin. In some ways there were two winners: Sweden and Finland. Israel, Italy and Norway rounded out the top 5. Thai Pool Pan had gone before I got back and I won't go in water alone. Walk Bought sandwiches from Vigo. PorP "Floodplains [180.30] M#7 40w" Sh&L "Letting go " Thai: ไป go อยู่ stay มา come กลับมา come back อยากไปศรีสะเกษ . พักสามคืน . เที่ยวศรีสะเกษ 1 วัน . เที่ยวขุนหาญ 1 วัน. (Xyāk pị ṣ̄rīs̄akes̄ʹ.phạk s̄ām khụ̄n.theī̀yw ṣ̄rīs̄akes̄ʹ 1 wạn.theī̀yw k̄hunh̄āỵ 1 wạn.) อยากไปเที่ยวชัยภูมิ มหาสารคาม ร้อยเอ็ด มุกดาหาร พิมาย (Xyāk pị theī̀yw chạyp̣hūmi mh̄ās̄ārkhām r̂xyxĕd mukdāh̄ār phimāy) ฉันอยากไปเที่ยวกับคุณและถ่ายรูปคุณ (c̄hạn xyāk pị theī̀yw kạb khuṇ læa t̄h̀āyrūp khuṇ) อยากเที่ยวทุกอาทิตย์! (xyāk theī̀yw thuk xāthity̒!) ฉันต้องการวิดีโอที่คุณร้องเพลง (C̄hạn t̂xngkār widīxo thī̀ khuṇ r̂xngphelng) must/want: ฉันต้องการไป ฉันต้องเดิน ฉันต้องไป Thai elections went on without a hitch. The two main opposition parties are mopping up as expected. Udon Thani definitely supports the opposition, especially Preut Thai. 13.เดือนพฤษภาคม A bit damp and a bit dull and only 78 degrees this morning. Easterlies will bring rain and maybe maybe a high of 82. Walk. Checked on visa. La Malila is open. Bought toilet paper.  Pool. Pannya came home late. I don't go into water by myself. Thai. Not enough to count. tvBL. Watched half of Moonlight Chicken. Euro. Followed and watched what I could. Cook. Pannya usually cooks, but what I prepared (chopped up vegs and pork, fish, shrimp in rice with egg) turned out well. Visa. Went to office got info about Non O visa, bank, types of visa.Apparently I can keep doing what I'm doing. 2 months, leave, 2 months, leave, 2 months, leave... For now that would be renew June 1 until June 30, leave for 2 days or two weeks, come back after July 13, renew August 11 leave Sept 9. Something like that. Renewal is 1.900 baht. Malaysia: Thai free; Cambodia: $30+fee beforehand or on arrival. Thai is free for 14 days; Viet Nam: US on airplane arrival $25? Thai is visa-free for 30 days; Myanmar: $50 ETA? for 28 days; Thai is visa-free <14 days; Singapore: no visa fee? Thai is visa-free; Brunei: US visa-free <90d; Thai is visa-free. Tonight is Eurovision. Two favorites: Finland (call-in votes), Sweden (jury), and maybe France as a sleeper (old fashioned). Slovenia is nice but doesn't have the energy. Australia has the energy but doubt that it will be enough. The audience Tuesday night was more than enthusiastic for Finland's "Cha Cha Cha". My insane (because I really don't understand millenial/gen-z Europeans: 1. Finland 2. Sweden 3. Spain (just enough to please televoters and jury). I didn't sleep well. Bed fairly early. Pannya joined me at 01:30. I looked at my under-water photos last night, edited a few, and sent them to Pannya. He was very happy. Posted one at FB. Sneezing... may not be 100% well. Pannya snoozes. O Easy on the Eyes. You snooze. I sneeze. And the world whirls with or without us. In pictures you'll always be a teenage geek... or a handsome young man. You'll wrinkle long after I'm gone. Not because I want to move on; but, Death doesn't wait. It embraces. 48w 12.เดือนพฤษภาคม Walk Pool Plus underwater photosVisa progress... got info. Thai  very little... too late, too tired7-11 LotusBoss The Baily's beads effect or diamond ring effect is a feature of total and annular solar eclipses. As the Moon covers the Sun during a solar eclipse, the rugged topography of the lunar limb allows beads of sunlight to shine through in some places while not in others. Read the beads along the edge of the moon. 10 Decipher their message. Heed what they know,10 and what you will know — soon enough. 8 Life hangs tough and each bead of hope brightens 10 the day. Shine on. Shine on. Do not dismay. 10 The future speaks along the edge 8 where sun peeks through. Leave bad habits behind; 10 seek the Light that will guide your way. 8 Edited: in "Script of the Eclipse [180.28] " Swimming... a bit of progress. I really don't like water so I need to overcome my fears. I will say that the water was quite warm and that helps. Plus Pannya was there in case I had problems. I took some underwater photos that turned out okay. Pan was pleased. Pan cooked seafood and earlier sea bass. Very tasty but I'll gain weight if I eat like he does. Yesterday: 80.9 kg. = 169.80+016.98 = 176.78 = 177 lb. I would like to lose weight slowly to 170 lb. At least I still weigh less than 13 stone. Nice rain this evening. We needed it. 11.เดือนพฤษภาคม Watched Malaysia beat Thailand 2-1 in one round of Sepak Takraw (SEA Games in Cambodia). I've seen it played in a park in Udon Thani. Bicycle kicks are its main feature. It sprinkled while we swam last evening and I believe it rained overnight. Thought I heard thunder. It may rain today and all day tomorrow. Not as hot. 88/76 forecast. Today's objectives: Walk Pool Wash Thai  Rose Monkeys: Not a luau. Not hot pot. I would find out what his favorite dish is. And who he wants to invite... and how many. Then I would ban bananas. I loved giving 'parties' every other Wednesday night... years ago. I would send out invitations. Average of 10-12 friends and friends of friends. I hosted a barbecue for 15 years every August. Mostly around 30 friends, neighbors, co-workers came. Never family. Two years there were around 80 guests. One year... 150. But... a party for me? No, I don't like parties for myself. This year a friend made a cake for his birthday. We ate it the next day at a mutual friend's place... on my birthday. Just the 3 of us. No gifts. No fuss. Just pleasant company. I would want to do the same for you-know-who. Monkeys would only be allowed if he wanted them there. Edited in "Not a luau [13+] P#4" 05/11/2023-"The Night" Tropical, Arctic? He relishes moonlight, slinks through the shadows of daybreak, sleeps at high noon. He doesn't like exposure to the sun or the harsh reality of poverty. Black is the color of my true love's hair. I wish it truly were him. 05/12/2023- 'afresh' Like durian or here we go again? anew again abounding adumbrate aright afterwards apace 05/13/2023-'lovely' or handsome? 05/14/2023-'mighty' like the Menam Kong or Menam Mun? Chevro-legs or Lambugh-feetie 10.เดือนพฤษภาคม Green. I want more green. Anything that's been watered is green. The orange-flowered trees are ablaze. Everything else is the dun color of dust. "Moon over Lithuania [180.24]" "Rain washes away my brain [180.25]" Ate a mushroom-cheese burger at Koala. 109 baht. Bought spoons, forks, a basket, a plastic container, floral spray. Also roti and strawberry ice cream. I wore my long-sleeve green shirt. 97 degrees. Wore hat and carried umbrella. Walk Pool I lived in the garden in Spring and Autumn. Summer and Winter I sought refuge in the closet. I...have been through many seasons. House #1 I stayed out of the cellar. I lived there for less than 2 years. House #2 I never did get into my attic. I lived there for 13 years. I rarely went into the basement. House #3 I slept in a closet with a window facing the dawn. 3 years was a life sentence. Since my nightmares revolve around mistakes, I may never own a house again. Poland: She'll squeeze the s*** out of you if you let her. Bring her chocolate, flowers, wine. She'll smile and squeeze you harder. She has been fought over many times, her fields plundered. But she survived. She don't take s*** from nobody. 41w 9.เดือนพฤษภาคม I'm home. Finally. Took a week. Long flights, 2 days to decompress and then waiting to reconnect so we could go home together. Home is Udon Thani, Thailand and a shared bed. My phone is on ICT. My chromebook is on MDT. It's 22:36 in NYC/EDT. 20:36 in Montana/MDT. But it's a cloudy 09:36 in Udon Thani (May 9th). We are expecting rain for a week.  I'm going to try to write 40 words/day. Midnight = 11:00 here. I also want to catch up at WdC. Am I getting stronger as I age? Bones become brittle, muscles soften, brain atrophies; but, I do notice how everything around me has become stronger. If the stench of my rotting flesh could fend off the future... I'd live forever. "Like bleu cheese [180.22] M#1 40w" I dragged myself out of bed at 3 a.m. to scratch something on a notepad. Glad I did. The thoughts had fled by morning. But... backing up... it was a long 9 hour bus ride (5 p.m.-2 a.m.) and we had been gone for one month. Turn on the a/c, take a shower, yada yada yada. To Judith: "Ah... the humor... I do dark better than humor .I loved dark sweet red wine. It loved me. We divorced almost 50 years ago. I do love cubby-holes. I'd prefer a room that has a window, books on the wall, a cozy high-backed chair... fantasy. Oh... and a cup of coffee. My daily exercise would be to make more coffee unless there's a garden to work in and wander through.  " Pannya made me supper (rice, omelette, fish) and then left because he wanted seafood hot pot for 300 baht, leaving me home. I should be grateful. I'm not happy. Deep. As in bottomless. As in never ending nightmares. As in looking into your eyes and drowning. Deeper. Deeper still. Until gasping I surface devoid of all fear. Then waking, shaking, making the bed I lie in, imagining it's full of air. 42w 8.เดือนพฤษภาคม Catching up whilst Pannya sleeps. I tried durian today. I see why people like it. It has the texture of custard, sweet but not too sweet, easy to eat. Yes, it stinks. Pannya loves it. We take a bus to Udon Thani today. My nerves are fine. And then they weren't... next time I must sweetly point out to Pannya that trips matter and that one can check times and plan beforehand. Traveling on a dark and rainy night is not optimal. I'm thinking Malaysia or Viet Nam this month or next. If so... I'll do the planning and then try to remember that Pan prefers to just fly-by-his-pants. This "no worries" attitude challenges for me. Am I getting stronger as I age? Or do bones become brittle, muscles soften, brain atrophies. I do notice how everything around me has become stronger. If the stench of my rotting flesh could fend off the future... I'd live forever. 41w. Now edited. 7254 |
| 7.mai/พ.ค เดือนพฤษภาคม Slept okay. Saw Ped before she left. Know how to get to Icon Siam. It will work out. Free boat from Saphan Taksin to Icon Siam. Met up with Pannya and his mother, went to AIM Hotel (which was okay). Cruise: music, food, a table for 3. Buffet, music too loud for my taste. I went because I was invited and wanted to meet Nupin. However, a costly cruise is not my idea of a good time. It wasn't bad. It's just not "me". 6.mai/พ.ค เดือนพฤษภาคม Brian from Malaysia took Jessica, Alberto and me out to lunch. Very nice gesture. I wore orange with a green umbrella today. 🧡 🤍 💚 Image of Jessica and me. Image of Alberto and Jessica singing. Jessica dancing to Abba. From Bobbie George Ward: Hold me now - (as I shall hold) let rivers chase my name - that I might seed compassion on the sea. Tell them all I went the way of locust come July - the way of laurel stilled by winter frost. A softer sigh - as silence waits to heal the waning moon. Love shall find acceptance here - beyond the threat of loss. 5.mai/พ.ค เดือนพฤษภาคม "Just a beast on a leash" i.e. those who follow rules out of fear. Describes many Christians as well as dogmatic followers of other faiths. Above quote found on FB is worthy of a poem or prose piece. I got to sleep around 11 pm. Up at 7 am. Feeling weak but Coffee is My Companion, giving me strength. Staying another night at Pinto. 6th and 7th are still not etched in stone. 7th is likely a river cruise. 8th is journey back home to Udon Thani. No plans for today. I will take out money. I will renew my phone. Yes, I want to see Pannya, but he said tomorrow.  Gay called me from Udon. Nice chat with Jessica from Seychelles/Germany. She likes vampires. 4.mai/พ.ค เดือนพฤษภาคม Safe in Pinto Hostel. Apple was there. Adrian remembered me. Alvin and Harry from Hong Kong. Good chat with Kenny from RSA in hostel. He's married to a Lao in Pakse. Brian from Malaysia works in China. Ate pork satay with nam jim and ajad หมูสะเต๊ะ น้ำจิ้ม อาจาด; Max was very kind to join me. 3.mai In transit. No major problems with flights. SEA-ICN Fed us twice, plus a snack. Steak was regrettable. Watched movie. ICN-SEA. Turbulence. Arrived a bit late, forcing me to take taxi for 400 baht instead of Skytrain for 45. 2.mai  Found my key and key card. Hope to get 3 hours rest. Up by 4-ish. Alarm set. Out by 05:30. Airport by 06:00. My flights are at 07:00 and 14:00 so I may or may not blog. 1.mai It will be a crazy day. My anxiety has gone down but not disappeared. Showered instead of bath, but... A bit shaky. This is normal. Most everything seems to be done. Packing is the biggy. I'm hoping to get to bed early but sometimes I don't sleep at all. The layover in Seattle is a brutal six hours. I'd rather be on the plane. Updated CHECK LIST: 1. Prepack. Working on... progress. PACK 7. clean and/or unclutter (last time didn't go as planned). Some progress. 8. make decision regarding plants. Moved some to hallway. Some progress. 10. clean out BOTH fridges. 11. boxes. Moved a few; left for Julian 12. Call Asiana! Called. Apparently I have a reserved seat. 13. Bath. 14. Prepare food for layover in Seattle. Hard boiled eggs. 15. 14:20 (or is it 15:20?) check in for Asiana flights. Possibly change seats. Seat 20C is better. 16. Check in for Alaska flight. 17. Put clothes away. Mostly done. 18. Lunch. Use up rest of food at home. 7.221 |
| There is no rhyme nor reason. Brianna's clock spit out one clang — then died. It was apparently time. But for what? Her twin Bryan didn't answer. He couldn't. Corpses can be so stubbornly mute! Not that she ever really wanted to listen. She remembered sewing his lips shut at age 6. That day was fluffy bunny clouds and drooping daffodils and Bryan kept going on and on and on. As if. As if she cared. The clouds reminded her of cotton candy ice cream. She wanted some. They went together to the corner. When Bryan needed to use the toilet, she sprinkled some white numbing powder on his double scoop Manila-vanilla cone. She smiled as she said, "Here's your Godzilla". She was bigger than him; so, once pinned, all she had to do was embroider like Gamma had taught her. She chose pink thread to teach him a lesson. He hated pink. The dripping tinge of red just added to the his horror — and her glee! She was tickled shades of peach and scarlet. They threatened to send her away. She laughed, hoping that they would. They never understood. Gamma did. ... But Bryan, you have no twin! We checked the records. Brianna grinned but kept her mouth shut. Bryan would've been proud. [180.20] 30.abril Up reasonably early. Baked a chocolate cake and took a shower. I took a bath last night but that's mostly for my feet. Walls are closing in. Scott will leave today for his post in Wyoming. 7 hour drive. On fb: "This makes sense and provides me with a way to explain to many Christians that my problem with Christianity isn't Christ, it's how His Truth is mangled and misused. Sophiological versus soteriological... got it." 29.abril Nothing. Not writing. Still stressed about trip. Did get lots of sleep last night. Lists... must make lists. Updated CHECK LIST: 1. Prepack. Working on... progress. 2. Wash clothes on Sunday. Making a pile and checking it twice. Saw Drew.3. Make check off list (it changes every time). 7. clean and/or unclutter (last time didn't go as planned). Some progress. 8. make decision regarding plants. Moved one to hallway. Some progress. 10. clean out fridge. 11. boxes. 12. Call Asiana! Called. Apparently I have a reserved seat. 13. Bath. 28.abril Look... I got up and showered ... what more d'ya want? A photo? I sent one to Pannya (pg rated). He said that I need to shave. I replied that he could shave me when I come back. On fb: "I think we have become tribal, but [only] two choices is based on black/white thinking. Very dangerous. I don't belong to either... absolutely refuse to be labeled as such. I have values and vision and vote as such." Bank: transferred money. Made sure that they know I'm leaving  .Post office: paid for p.o. box due in July. Milkshake: cardamom-orange. Lunch: bbq ribs. Spoke with Scott Brown (doctor/musician). His dad is 90. 27.abril Cannot stay awake = nap = nothing gets done. List: See Dylan around noon. Did video. Eat at Center. Cobb salad. See Angie around 3. Connected on facebook. Try to reserve seat ICN-BKK. Not too peppy. After Anxiety... worn out. To Mighty: "I'm taking a risk by going back to Thailand. 4 months? No long term visa? A relationship that's complicated? Culture and language barriers... not to mention looking into the mirror... If I wouldn't have taken so many risks along the way I wouldn't be in this situation. And I say that because I'm not a natural risk-taker. But... here I am. I could look at photos taken from my international travels since 2009. I haven't picked up and read my over 5,000 page handwritten journal. I don't delve into my thousands of blog entries here over the last 18 years. When I do, will I be as shocked as you?" 26.abril Seats chosen on 5 of 6 flights... still missing a key one. 4 hours over 2 days trying to sort this out. I've been excused from jury duty. Bry helped me connect to internet. I intended to leave message for my sister, but she wanted to talk. Niece getting married May 12th? Cousin little Betty died end of March. Meatloaf. Posted photo on fb. Spoke to Pannya. Anxiety decreasing. 25.abril Decent day until I wasn't able to reserve all my seats. 1 key flight is missing. Pannya and others notified. CHECK LIST: 1. Prepack 2. Wash clothes on Sunday. 3. Make check off list (it changes every time). 4. Inform friends, family and neighbors: BH, Diane, Jay, Birgit, Bry, Kathi, Scott, Billie Jo, Dylan, Michael... 5. Inform landlord and pay rent a.s.a.p. until October.6. decide on p.o. box. Paid $88 for 6 months. 7. clean and/or unclutter (last time didn't go as planned). 8. make decision regarding plants. Moved one to hallway. 9. Reserve hostel. 24.abril 7°C and raining. It will be a cold damp day... even after the rains end. This is March weather. May rain in Thailand. Hopefully enough to cleanse the air of hazardous levels of smoke. My anxiety is still sky-high. I have received some advice and more importantly support. However... it negatively impacts my ability to write. I can't focus. Flight reservations made. |
| 23.abril 08:46 ... I already charcoaled a hotdog. Time for coffee or falling back to sleep. It's 0°C. 24°C at home in Udon Thani; 9°C here in Missoula. I ate mashed potatoes ... but still not doing well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zDt8xyVKtw I Think It's Going to Rain Today Song by Randy Newman Broken windows and empty hallways A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray Human kindness is overflowing And I think it's going to rain today Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles With frozen smiles to chase love away Human kindness is overflowing And I think it's going to rain today Lonely, lonely Tin can at my feet Think I'll kick it down the street That's the way to treat a friend Bright before me the signs implore me To help the needy and show them the way Human kindness is overflowing And I think it's going to rain today For some odd reason I thought of Aunt Verna... gone many years. On-line: Another Reddit poster chimed in, “First, they will drive out the trans families and gay-accepting families. Next, they will drive out liberals and democrats. Next, they will drive out any minorities who are able to move away. Finally, when everything is just white, they’ll drown due to the climate change they don’t believe in.” I'm burnt out, one smashed lightbulb. HH: The addicts still shoot up under the Anker Brua. W: Do we ever really change? HH: No. Any better for you? W: No. Unlike Ove, they always mind their own business. Nothing shakes a hard headed Swede or makes them pay attention. HH: We are the oddballs, aren't we. W: Just like the addicts... and the occasional dead body. [180.19] 22.abril I'm okay as long as I don't face reality. My anxiety is very high. I can get out of bed and shower, drink coffee, even eat. I'm at Butterfly Herbs stressing. I'm not doing well. To Mighty: "I have a Le Novo chromebook. I do have a computer with a much larger screen, but I don't use it. The chromebook is light and travels well. I'm old so I don't feel a need to 'work' but my boyfriend is 'young' and may need my help to network properly and expand his on-line content. I'm not a professional photographer but some of my photos are more than passable. We could visit local sites, and take photos. He could write from the fashion/beauty-products perspective in Thai and I could write from the traveler perspective in English. I'm fine with my income and doing-with-less, but he needs to build a future. Freelance is one way." My nerves are still shot. At BH: Chatted with Lundi and Cathy Mae. Had fire&ice, coffee and an Asiago bagel with cream cheese. Bit of a melt-down. Travis gave me hot dog buns. I ate two hot dogs for supper. 21.abril Ridvan.  Daffodils braved the snow. Yep. Snow... quite a bit actually. Saw Jamie. Sat with Dalton and Bob. Kathy P. won pinochle. Nerves not good. Looked at flight options. Nothing cheap. Chicken strips for lunch. Scored hot dogs, rice, noodles, potatoes. 20.abril Up before 9. Still in bed, need coffee ... and a life. https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/lifestyle/why-airplane-seats-are-so-uncomfortabl... I really want 30" minimum on any flight over 4 hours, 32" on flights over 6. I've had dvt 3 times. I use Google Flights and Seat Guru. Ergonomics are important to me. Asian airlines like Asiana and ANA do much better than Euro-American airlines. Black roses: I was born in the wrong century, wrong city, wrong soi (ซอย). I can love you, but can never be your lover. Not in this lifetime. May I strew your path with roses, their fragrance reminding you of my love, their thorns a memory of my pain. May we someday be reborn in a garden where our roots may touch and our branches hug each other. 62w Heliotrope healing a Bleeding Heart. [180.18] "I walk down Memory Lane because I love running into you." Nerves still shattered. Sat with Angie and Billie Jo. 19.april Snow. Cold and bitter. Meatloaf. Saw Merry, Ron and others. Cake (white/confetti) with Scott and Travis. A day for me to chill. 18.april BCoF: Scott baked a cake for his birthday, dry as Wyoming, flavored with pistachios. He'd always been a bit of a nut. A bit... different, at ease in the emptiness, looking after mountains and those humans who got lost in them. Like him, I'm lost in private thoughts I never shared. He sliced the cake, gave me a piece of paradise, an echo of long-lost Persia, dry yet flavorful. My day followed his. [180.17] I didn't have to bake a cake. His was enough for both of us (for Scott on his birthday). Video with Pannya. He looks good. I look haggard. I let myself go. Hello to his mother. Scott's birthday. Said hello. Taco salad... had eaten turkey-cheese-bowties for breakfast... so I brought half of it home for later. Scored 4 cans of canned chicken. Spoke with Joyce, Kathi, Dalton, others... Chat with Birgit. I ramble too much. I'm 'doing better'? Scored a Reese's peanut butter cup. It's an addiction. Snowed. 39°F at 6:20 pm. It was wintry cold all day. 17.april Saw Kathi, Willie, Phil... at Sr.Ctr. Did not eat though. Bought rosemary focaccia at Le Petit. $6. Most everything is double what I paid 15 years ago except my income and rent. I'm okay but still anxious and unhappy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45KYqWpZKso Thai elections are May 14th. 7201 |
| 16.april.23 68°F... Ready to do wash today. Didn't know it was so warm. Open up window? Found my red shorts. I really missed them in Udon. I'm chilling = getting nothing done. Wash is done. Window open. Rain moving in? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viBz0ZwHPN0&t=150s 15.april.23 Butterfly Herbs: Nice chat with Joseph. Met up with Liz, Lily. Raven joined us for a moment. Chocolate-lavender milkshake. Now pasta salad. No lottery winnings in my post office box. Up early. Sunny now at 1-ish. 11°C in Missoula. Might get down to 26°C this morning in Udon Thani.  Still stressed but getting better. To Tinker: "I used to read at all hours and setting a book down was a last resort imho. These days I'm giving away books. Only 5 yesterday. Over 100 to go. I can't take them with me to Thailand or beyond. They need to find new homes." 14.april.23 Very tired early yesterday. Lay down for a nap and then forced myself to sleep through the night. Up 9-ish. Dark gloomy day. 35 degrees. May warm up to 50. 105 forecast in Udon Thani. Pannya still not home. Sat with Jean, Merry, Dalton. Chatted with Dirk. My anxiety is still high. 13.april.23 Still overwhelmed. Up by 06:ish. Texted Pannya... he seems a bit better. Sent him a photo of when I was 22. Saw Kathi, Willie, Monte and David. Lee and Ben helped me at the bank. I now have an orange atm card. I can get checks made for my bank here. $2/4. I do use checks... not often. "It's very hard to ask for help, especially when I don't know what to say. I want some peace and connection. I want some control over my own life; but, we-all live in assorted communities. Living in Thailand won't solve my problems; but, it's more peaceful in general; and, personally I feel less threatened in a tolerant culture. I've fought all my life to keep from drowning in depression and despair. I no longer wish to reside in the Confederate State of Oppression." I took a nap but woke up in time to chat with Angie. More concerns about Billie Jo. 12.april.23 Totally overwhelmed when I think of Thailand. I need some room to breathe. Tik-tok: Unity with s*** stains... Growth is divisive? Hmm. I continue to meet lots of people I know. Chromebook issues; Michael helped. Meatloaf at Sr. Ctr. I didn't get much done. 11.april.23 05:22 I can't fall back to sleep so I may as well get up. I need to find a flight to Thailand. I hope to come back before May or in early May. I need to talk to my banks. I need to talk to my landlord and pay rent. 8: Howl caught a cold. Grunts and coughs, barely a whisper. What can a wind do if it doesn't blow? Caress a child's cheek, lift and warm the spirits, redirect Spring's clouds. But the howl caught a cold. And now it could barely whisper. Chat with Pan... I'm a bit upset and worried; but, I have to focus on my own situation. I can't afford to be overwhelmed, shaking due to anxiety, or unable to move due to depression. My ability to contribute here may be limited. Met with Merry, Kirk, Birgit and Travis. Saw other folks. Took afternoon nap. นิยายวาย = ni-yai-wai = BL series 10.april.23 Talked to Bry. Texted Pan. Up too early... around 6. I'm a time-zone zombie. Commented in "Andre The Blog Monkey's Blog Prompt #3" "I've met good cops; but, imho, when many seem to be hired to be thugs. So, I'll blame the city's and town's hiring practices. Because of corruption I've been warned to never speak to cops in Thailand. Also, police reflect the mores of whichever community is in power. Usually that isn't women nor people-of-color." Listened to Buttigieg speak. Did we reach the extent of our inclusiveness? Are we regressing? Unfortunately I agree. Weekly objectives: 1. Wash clothes this Sunday. 2. Repack for going back. [came across a couple items I neglected last time, but see above] 3. Talk to my banks. 4. Get rid of books. [only 5 taken to Sr.Ctr.] 5. Clean. A. old refrigerator. B. table. C. vacuum/sweep/mop. [nope] Finances: A. I have enough baht to get to hostel, pay for two nights and a trip back to Udon. B. I have enough to pay rent until the end of 2023. C. I have enough to deposit in a bank in Thailand for a visa.  At the Water’s Edge by Sara Gruen I Dream of Yellow Kites by Retta BonoOf kites and flames At the water's edge I dream of yellow kites, and that green umbrella, keeping me from getting burnt. I'll burn regardless, consumed by your flames, hotter than the sun, turning water into steam. [180.15] Edited in "Of yellow kites and your green umbrella [180.15]" Mushroom chai with Jay. The mystery of the missing items may need some diplomacy... or letting go. |
| 9.เมษายน.2566 but i'm a birdie, and the next hansa is oh-four-thirty, wake up and sing along with me... written at 04:09. It's 04:09 and I put water on to boil as I'm awake, puzzled by a wakening-dream of escaping troops and hiding under the wharves. In Thailand it's a hot red-day. In Montana it's a cold false-spring. I wonder how long it will take for my body to adjust to this time zone. Since the passage of time is divided by artificial human constructs, perhaps I'm merely passing into timelessness. How long one is dead is irrelevant to the Dead. Does Time matter to the Dying? 04:18 Almost time-to-sing. The term “Hansang” means “a table full of food to welcome guests or gather family for festivities. What is the meaning of Hagsaeng? 학생 • (haksaeng) (counter 명(名), hanja 學生) student, scholar, school pupil. Online discussion comment I made re Islam, Arabic and the Qur'an: "Gregory Garecki: How many folks in Iceland know the Icelandic from 1000 years ago? Most. Yes, the language has changed but having a well educated population has kept it fairly close to the original. Even oral traditions can survive for hundreds if not thousands of years. Regardless, classical Arabic is still taught, as it has been for over 1000 years. The Islamic World was educated at a time Europe wasn't. Education, even reading Sacred Texts, was limited. And English? Didn't exist. It evolved from multiple sources. The KJV actually helped stabilize the language, as did Shakespeare; but, English continues to evolve. Regardless, some religious people are nitpickers and ignore the larger picture. For me, spirituality trumps dogma." There came a reckoning to the days as the Sun exposed them for what they had done; and to the boy shivering in the shadows afraid of who he would become. [14] Responded to "Entry #1 of the April 2023 Contest" https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/teens-have-proven-the-pythagorean-theo... Tumultuous week... almost over. Having trouble getting back into this time zone. 8.เมษายน.2566 Got money, checked balance. Went to post office and picked up bank statement. I have enough to get a long-term visa in Thailand. I checked one-way flights. I ate rice with raisins and an Asiago bagel with cream-cheese. To Steve: "All stories should be recorded. Perhaps elicit his thoughts about the threat of combat. That fear can color a person's life. It affected mine. I lost 5 years being on the cutting block then graduated to a recession that when it was over I was faced with the reality that only veterans were being hired... combat or no combat. I was frozen out of a job because 99 wasn't a high enough score. Absolutely boring except for years of anxiety and depression." To Brian: "I braved 90 degree heat (one day of 102) to come back to a pleasant 50 and snow on the mountains. Snow can be a wonderful inspiration. Hunger and heat? That too but I'll take the Snow-copolypse." A Steven prompt: "Happy Celebration of the Awakening Moon" I hung out in Butterfly Herbs. I saw Lundy and Nancy, spoke to John and Terra, and Gwen. Ran into Hobie on the way back. I visited Travis and now have internet again. It's now 01:34 and I'm tired but awake. This isn't good. 7.เมษายน.2566 A day that lasted over 30 hours. 1 am fight from BKK. 8 am walk to the lounge in ICN to snooze for 9 hours. 5 pm. 10 hours flight to SEA that crossed the imaginary line where Tonight becomes Morning again. Noon-ish in SEA for a 3 hour 'break'; flight delayed. 6 pm in MSO. Ride cancelled. Ran to the bus. Walked home from the station, arrived after 7 pm. 6.เมษายน.2566 Very bad bad day of tears. Thanks to Max, Rob and Ped. 5.เมษายน.2566 Pannya and me go to Wat Arun. 4.เมษายน.2566 Long hot train ride to Krungthep (Bangkok). Hard to find the connections to/through Mochit to Rechathewit. Pannya unhappy and tired, and hungry (as always). 3.เมษายน.2566 I made reservations at Pinto. I wanted to change flight but it's too complicated for my pea-brain. Pannya sleeps. There's too much to do today and I need his help. I may pack light. |
| 2.เมษายน.2566 Bus left Ubon (11:30) arrived before 19:00 in Udon. Long trip. No drama. Rain poured around Khon Kaen. Seats 1 & 2. Bus was rarely full. Took a taxi home. Pan had quite a bit to carry. Michael's wisdom: friends come and go. (Note: reminded me of traveling. I usually stay in hostels and friendships are ephemeral). Michael (from Bavaria) is married to a Thai from Khorat. They live in Germany. He was quite gentle about how it's not easy. Family obligations, et cetera... 1.เมษายน.2566 A wat-ing we will go. Rambled with Fabrice and Cassandre. Lovely time. Pannya worked and got back to the hotel late. Saw photo of the flood last November. It almost reached the hostel. Lots of photos. Pannya came back late (over-slept) and we walked along the river. 31.มีนาคม.2566 I went to Wat Luang next door. A bit warm today so I'm inside but I need to go out again soon. Spoke French yesterday and today. 30.มีนาคม.2566 No sleep for either of us. Caught 08:30 bus from Udon to Ubon. Made an ass out of myself. 12:00 Maha Sarakam. 14:00 Yasathorn. 15:30+ Udon. Puppy picked us up. Shopping. Ate at Lak Nom Sod. Lovely place. 29.มีนาคม.2566 33 at noon. AQI of 62 (not bad but can barely see clouds through the smoke-haze). Threat of rain... a promise? Pannya is sleeping. He made breakfast for me and lay done again. *sigh* I understand the lack of energy but long-term this isn't good. I'm feeling weak as well. <40 words: Happiness: No worries, no obsessing about the could'ves, would'ves, should'ves, letting go of balloons to pursue their dreams, walking through the dappled days of reality, feet to the ground, embracing small miracles along the way. 34w Sadness: Once again, the letting go, the grieving, your hand slipping out of mine, your heart beating out of time, stopped forever. Greatest sadness? No. Stepping on an ant. Not watering a plant. Not asking you to marry me. 38w I deserve: No more, no less. I've been cursed and blessed. Didn't deserve either. Grace and mercy, the kindness of strangers, the virtues that elude me, vanity staring back from the mirror whispering: let go. 33w Our Love: Your leg traps me, your arms hug, your body keeps me warm. In love? In lust? Or just two lost pieces of the puzzle hooking up. Do I dare let go? Out of time and space, each moment matters in this place. 41w Spring: Heat and smoke give way to wind and rain. Snow melts under an unrelenting sun. What remains in Isan, or Montana, if not the mud that covers us, ushers in the change of seasons, this letting go. 38w 28.มีนาคม.2566 It threatened to rain. Pannya met up with a friend and then we went to the vegetable market. Earlier, last day at class. Said goodbye. Took photos. Stephanie, Mieuw, Suwai had good ideas as usual. I will miss them. I think I understand our rental contract now. It goes through November of this year. It's paid through June. I'm unhappy with myself over a silly matter that doesn't even matter. My brain works against me at times. My arm, my leg, my feet, my back, my skin are doing better. Nothing written, and now it's late, 27.มีนาคม.2566 I'm really worn out. I need to study and can't focus. My brain is fuzzy. It's a hot choke-smoke day outside. Pannya is animated today but I still need to know what's going on and I don't have the oomph to make him tell me. I'm somewhat depressed as well. To Dianne: "My boyfriend was zoned out for 8 hours yesterday. I made him sip water, guided him to bed, checked on him hourly to wipe his face with a damp towel. He refused to speak or interact. He took his happy pills today. All better; but, I'm bitter because he won't explain what's going on. I suspect it's bi-polar or schizophrenia. I do what I can. I could just walk away... but, that's a high price to pay. "At 14:30 ... It's 40°C (104°F) and the air quality is very poor (135 here in Udon Thani, 398 in Chiang Rai). I don't dare go outside until evening. I feel trapped. Growing up I disliked the steam of summer and the freeze of winter. I would read. Now? Social media... but it's addictive. Weather matters to some of us. It matters even more to the poor (and homeless, been there). We are fortunate enough to have a/c. I need to focus and study for class tomorrow... but I'm struggling. I should thank everyone who has seen my photos posted on facebook. Double thanks to those who commented. I only post on the Newsfeed because few read my blah-blah blog and fewer read my recent writings and very few ever comment. Yes, this depresses me. I live for connections and Montana is failing me, Thailand is failing me, WdC is failing me. So, I deal with a daily double-dose of disappointment and try not to get too depressed. What would help? Any interaction here, there or elsewhere. 7168 |
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