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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| So difficult to have another day of nothing. Will I write anything substantial. Probably not because it is too much work. God forgive my lack of focus, my continued descent into shame based rhetoric. I need to confront the part of me content to glide. Where is mountaintop to survey where I have come from leading me to consider what's next? |
| I guess I accomplished my goal of writing something. I could also write something more. God grant me the ability to discover how to write in ways that help others to see themselves as God intends them to be. |
| I worry about my wife, the one I love. I know she can not live forever. I pray I can be there for her to enjoy life. I am so tired and sleep races away. I can not catch my self as I try to get more money while working to feel better about myself. I only wonder is it worth it? |
| I can not get more frustrated. Could it be 43,000 is enough. My greed is unsettling. I am tired make no mistake about it. I pray God helps me to fight thru the unending sense of malaise. I am forgetting to sign my name. Things are vague. I am just plain tired and can not get out of my own way. |
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