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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| So this is where it begins. Kurt was the child of promise and hope out of which a family could be redeemed and yet it comes with s cost for in so many cases the temptation to be entitled as if there is something inherently good in you. Kurt's life will beg one to differ after all life is a gift from God and apart from receiving that gift one might as well not be born at all. |
| Cindy called. It always feels like a waste. She berates me and then sucks it out of me and I feel exhausted with the effort, so is the folly of trying to connect with ex. I continue to grieve. I never did find out what happened with the lost hearing aid. I will find out today. |
| I am not sure what it is all worth. 77 days and counting which at the moment seems like eternity. I celebrate having a job with good and bad days. God grant me strength. |
| Life can never be the same. My brother Kurt is no longer here. That being said maybe I can learn to live in deeper ways without the fear something I do or say might kill or main someone. The flip side was realizing despite himself Kurt blessed others and who knows maybe God can bless thru me. |
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