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Fear clouds the mind, but calm, rational thought can clear away clouds of fear. A few days ago, it occurred to me that I will never (figuratively) explore the forest across the river if I'm afraid of the bridge. Actor John Wayne once said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
I read what you wrote about being scared, and I want to encourage you. En-courage you. You sound like an intelligent person whose fear is making your thoughts tumultuous. Your timultuous thoughts, in turn, are keeping you fearful. It is always unwise to try standing in an unsteady boat. Anchor yourself. Your goals are steady, but you are not. When you stop and steady your thoughts, you will find direction and begin to make progress.
Here's a suggestion. Spend time occasionally, building houses of playing cards. This requires precision of the hands, and with precision of the hands goes precision of the mind.
I wish you the best of everything. I also recommend to you the poem "Waiting" by John Burroughs.
Take care and have a great week.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/notebook/frightened