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| Today I am trying something new to fight off my depression and anxiety. I've been dealing with depression since I was 14, (so 9 years now) and my anxiety began with college (4 years ago). I eat right and get a bit of exercise in addition to my talk therapy and positive thought support, but it never seems to be enough. Now I am trying a medication. I am somewhat nervous and somewhat excited to see what will happen. Mostly, I wonder who I will be. Because I have been depressed so long, I have forgotten who that is almost entirely. I hope to reawaken my authentic self and move forwards, no longer one step back, in my life. |
| Good luck, I hope it works out for you! |
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| So far, so good. |
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| Slowly things get better. It rains  and then I find the umbrella  . The ocean pushes me along where it wants to  before I find the land    Here, I am searching   as if I'm lost. But I'm already there. I've pitched my tent and stabbed the ground with my flag  and I've thought "That's good enough." But over my shoulder the ships  are coming, and the passengers bring gifts  . "I don't need all that fluff," I think. Smiles  and joy   and love  . I am content with my tent (haha) see, I even make funnies. But oh no, I see what you mean. It's not about receiving the gift. I may not think I need it...I mean hey, here's my tent and all. Things are ok. Could be better. Should be better, yes that's right, I admit it. I see what you mean...yes, indeed...it makes others feel good when I take the gifts. It...why yes it did make me feel good when someone took mine. It's been a long time since I gave any; well, the people I knew, they didn't appreciate my gifts--that's why I'm out here...I see. Okay, if you want me to get on board...I won't impose? You're sure? Okay, well look, I have some gifts I can give...yes, I do. I see that now. What gifts you ask? Well these gifts of course: , , , and . And I have a tent, if anybody wants it. |
| I am excited to start participating in the Snail Mail club on WDC. I have never had a pen pal before, but I have always wanted one. So far, I am making some progress on self-improvement. I hear myself wanting to say hello to others and often I do it. Sometimes I waver with uncertainty (the habit of codependency.) One thing I am doing for myself among a lot of different things is writing short stories all year long in the hopes that next January I will buy the 2016 Novel and Short Story Writer's Market and submit all of this year's stories for publication. Ray Bradbury once said a writer should write 52 short stories a year and submit them all. I don't have 52; I don't even write a complete short story each week, but I have a few more than I used to, and that's good. Change is always about baby steps. |
| Since I cannot have a blog, I suppose if I want to write something about myself, I'll write it here. In the future, when I have a regular job, I hope to get an Upgraded Membership on WDC. I am excited just to use those wonderful c-notes and images on my reviews lol. I have something that I want to share because in person I find I have little voice: I am codependent. I am not ready to attend CoDA. I have a hard time talking to people in college because I have such low self worth. I actually tell myself that I cannot talk to people because if they show me kindness I am unworthy of it. I know this is not true, but knowledge is separate from the belief of the broken spirit. My dream is to heal myself, and then help the adolescents who are dealing with a harsh childhood like that which I faced. Today I have the awareness to see and to know how I feel and what I believe about myself is incorrect, and I credit that not only to therapy but to the countless moments my high school teachers (my real mentors) told me how bright I was, told me how talented I was. The hard part has always been believing them, even now when I know they were right, because at home I was told otherwise. |
I've just added an item to my portfolio:
Please review. I am trying to become a novelist but first I need to start submitting and publishing short stories. To do that, I have to know what works and doesn't work in my writing style. Thanks. |
| In 2013, I have decided to drop all my worries in writing fiction. Did I miss a comma somewhere, or put in too many? Who cares! I'm flying by the seat of my pants with writing prompts and creative exercises, putting all of my unedited first draft fiction in a big clean journal. It is freeing--no editing! Just give me words and let me roll. |
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