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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/12jap
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Review by Bipolar Bear
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi, I found this while looking for works similar to my own, to get a feel for other ideas out there. I noticed you didn't go into great detail with the back story, perhaps you just haven't gotten there yet, but it may help to begin the book a little further back on the timeline, perhaps before the loss of the parents? Give the parents some essence, and the reader will sympathize with their loss, and with the main characters more easily. Also, perhaps spend a bit more time on descriptive details, both for characters and the surroundings/actions. I, personally, thought the use of the idea of "atoms and particles" felt somewhat out of place, as there is no other kind of science to go with it; I think your best bet is to throw outsome of the science mumbo jumbo and use descriptive emotional writing, where the character's thoughts describe the Rock, and other things, to help the reader connect and flow with it. Feel free to check out my draft, I'd appreciate feedback :)
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