You left me in tears. I'm in a very similar situation, but the guy I'm falling for isn't with anyone. He's now my Ex because of a misunderstanding. When I dated him, I felt accepted for the first time of my life. I felt loved and therefore loved myself. Whenever he looked at me, I melted into a puddle of gratefulness. How could I ever let him go if his arms make me sign in content? How could I give up his eyes that were a beautiful green speckled with gold? How could I give up my only confidant? How could I give up my angel from Heaven? I loved how your poem made me flash back to all of these thoughts that I intentionally buried deeper than I could've hoped. It's a good feeling to know I'm not the only one.
This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I'm almost crying. Wait, no I am crying. This is just, Emotional. It seems like it isn't only based off of emotions, but thoughts too. These demons mentioned in the poem, are they your thoughts. I know how you feel. It's like your own thoughts are your enemy, and don't get me wrong, but the only way out of that is to die. And to do that you'll go to Hell. I am NOT saying you should, I'm just what the tone of the poem is for me. Overall, I'm still crying.
The way you stated,
"And I am tired
And hungry
And sad.",
shows that you aren't just physically like that, but you feel it on the inside too. The way you write is beautiful. You have major talent, no matter what others say, you should always keep writing.
this is a beautiful poem. did you have a specific poetic form in mind? whichever poetic form you chose seems to suite you. It seems to be a Chant poem. Me myself haven't yet tried that poetic form, but hope to be able to reach your ability. KEEP WRITING!
The way you change the plot so suddenly, while ending it in the same sentence, is so ,no other way to say it, SUDDEN. it is a uncommon way of writing. i love the fact that despite the sudden ending, i still know what's going on. i admire the way you depict the main character's train of thought.
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