You have a pretty good rythm here that I like but there are a couple things that maybe you can improve on. In my opinion,(note that this is only an opinion)never use the word "you" in any piece of work. It is impossible to know what the reader feels about the subject and personally,I don't like people telling me what I believe. Maybe if you were to just change the you's and the we's to "I" and explained why you belive the way you do that you do it will make this wonderful poem all the much better.
You also have one small techinal mistake:"living" on the third line needs to be capitialized.
Over all this is a fairly decent poem and just remember every thing that I say is only an opinion.
Job well done!!!!
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