*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aielliott08
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of "Snow"  
Review by A. Mann
Rated: E | (3.5)
I thought this was a very unique, creative idea to explain a phenomenon rarely described in myth: snow. There was some very good, descriptive writing throughout, especially in the first and final paragraphs. My only suggestions concern the way your "voice" changes in the second paragraph. While the first starts off sounding very formal and descriptive, like a traditional myth usually does, the second paragraph and those after take on a very informal voice that I don't believe adds much to the story; e.g. the use of "you," "totally," and even words like "sneakily" and "cheating" don't quite fit with the tone or the genre you're writing in. Other than that, I thought this showed great potential, and I look forward to reading some of your other works. Great job!!
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aielliott08