This is a story that provokes a lot of thought and I ended up re-reading it several times after not being able to do anything but sit silently for a while. This reads as biographical and touches one or two memory nerves of my own. The best imagery is in the first paragraph by linking the oppressive heat with an oppressive family portrait. I found it hard to reconcile the 'sense of hope' against the sense of isolation and loss I felt in the last paragraph. There is a lot of honesty in this work.
I like this poem. It's well thought and well put together. I particularly feel (as a white Englishman) that it highlights the black struggle against injustice without cliche and avoids whipping up hatred and vitriole. Instead it reminds the reader of ther many long years and generations it took and, if I read it right, asks young black men not to waste the better opportunities now open to them.
To be honest I cannot fault this poem and if you get a lot of very positive feedback, I would suggest you consider trying to get it published.
Best wishes
Allan
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