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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andiaiyana
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52 Public Reviews Given
52 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I review on how it grabs me and pulls me in and how it makes me feel. It is important for me to feel what it is you are trying to say. I am not so worried about gramatics as I would rather read something that has just flowed from you without you thinking of anything else.
I'm good at...
I am good at getting a feel of what it is you are writing and letting you know when I am really pulled in and when you have lost me.
Favorite Genres
poetry, short stories, Blogs I love reading about most topics.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Trenches  
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Woods.
I am honoured to have read your story. You drew me into your piece immediately. I really love to be grabbed and drawn into a piece, and I certainly was with this one. I found that I could not take my eyes away from it till the end. Only to read it another three times.
The emotion of this piece touched me deeply. Your descriptive wording and flow of the piece took me to the mud dig out. I found myself waiting for the whistle.
I feel this is really well written. Thank you for sharing.
Keep up the great writing.
Blessings
Andi
2
2
Review of An Old Friend  
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Woods.
You seem to really have a talent for haiku's and poetry in general. Again you have brought me to the grave yard, as the man, remembering his friend.
I felt really moved with the emotion of your poem. Thank you kindly for sharing your work.
Keep up the great writing.
Blessings
Andi
3
3
Review of The Eagle  
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Woods, found you again.
You have a wonderful way of bringing so much information to the reader in a short amount of words. I love your Haiku, titled 'The Eagle.'
I found myself thinking about many things about the eagle. I felt I was the eagle. Great work.
Keep Writing
Blessings
Andi
4
4
Review of A Poppy  
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Woods
Thank you for sharing this poem. I think you captured the essence of this poem perfectly. I find it amazing that 12 word 3 line poem, can bring together a message, a picture, and essence so grand, so very easily.
I look forward to checking out your portfolio and reading more of your work.
Keep writing and great work.
Blessings
Andi
5
5
Review of Distance  
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Megs.
I really enjoyed reading your piece. Thank you so very much for sharing this.
You really captured the moment. I really felt the emotion in your words. The deep passion and longing of a special loved one, but an ocean stands between you both.
I hope she is reunited with her love one day.
Keep writing and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Blessings
Andi
6
6
Review of Lincoln Penny  
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Fivesixer
I really like your use of the penny in relation to every stranger you pick up or pass.
This prose read and flowed so well. It was a true joy to read and share this experience with you.
I like to be taken on a journey with the writer, and you took me in and showed me your world so well.
"or you end your day one cent poorer in emotion" this is strong and spoke so much to me.
Each line reached out and touched the next.
"kindness and ignorance both work themselves out in the end" How very true to life.
Thank you for sharing this with us all. I loved it, and a piece of me has been touched.
Blessings
Andi


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Ben

Thank you for asking me to review 'Unbound words: Chapter 1'
First of all I would like to say well done! I feel you have produced a really interesting piece.

What I liked: I really like your subject choice. You introduced me to a world of magic that took my interest immediately. The city of Sayrune, the Magi council and the 6 different magi schools were really well thought out and your description of them were perfect. I followed the story easily as it was well written, especially the second part of the chapter flowed really well.

I really like all the characters and their different personalities. I am intrigued by all of them. You presented/introduced them fantastically. There is not one character I feel I do not have insight too.
What bugged me a bit: The first time I read your chapter, I found myself getting distracted easily in the first half of the chapter. It just didn't seem to flow as well as the second part.

Part of this I feel and it is only my opinion is that you adjectives were a little weak, for want of a better word. When I am being introduced to a story I like it to really grab me with its description. You are introducing me to a wonderful world of magic and I want my senses to be sparked into life, so I feel driven to keep reading.

For example when Kenton first saw the streets of Sayrune you used the words 'quite amazing.' Here at this pivotal point I wanted a description with more depth and oomph! It was Kenton's first time seeing this amazing place.
Also in that same paragraph when Kenton saw Sayune for the first time you used the word 'seamless' twice in the one paragraph. I like to read different wording used and again it added to, for depth. In a paragraph further along when he is seeing the building for the first time you have used the word seamless again. It seems like something small and I am not trying to nit pick but I found this distracting as it took me back to the roads when Kenton first arrived.

There are another couple of paragraphs where you have doubled and tripled the use of the same word.

Blyth Gartside the Luxamancy master is a very kind and generous man. If you don't do anything extremely and immeasurably stupid, you will find a friend in him. I find him to be fairly neutral and a keeper of the peace.

The use of find twice threw out the flow of the sentence for me.
Again in "If we had more time I would give you a full tour, but there is no time to lose" said Blyth.
"I totally understand, there will be plenty of time for that later" Kenton replied.

I feel with a bit of tweaking of words and deeper descriptions this piece would have grabbed me in even quicker and with much more excitement than I already had.

Out of character: I have looked at this objectively, as I am not a prude by any sense of the word.
My impression of Kenton and the other magi councelors is one of high upstanding quality people. They come across as proper and decent. When Kenton met lady lisadar I felt his thought of 'This woman is either a very nice and extremely innaporpriate welcome gift' seemed out of character for how you are trying to portray him. He can still have a cheeky thought but maybe not so in your face thought. It just didn't feel like Kenton to me.

Also, Master Taris, now he has some cheeky, menacing ways about him. And although we do not know why he does not teach and have students, he is a master of magi. I also don't feel him using the word 'Whore' suits his make-up. Again yes use a word pertaining to his menacing ways but maybe not so graphic. As I feel he have a higher quality demeanor about Himself.
I hope I explained that well enough.

Overall: I absolutely loved this chapter and I cannot wait to read more. You have captivated me. I can feel your passion for these characters and it seems you have put a lot of work into them.
I feel you are on a winner with this Ben.
Please remember this is just my opinion, take what you want and discard the rest.
Blessings
Andi


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! what a wonderful poem. Your words really toched me and pulled me into it so gracefully, yet so strongly.
The second stanza is my favourite. Especially the last two lines'.I am the crest of a wave on a moonlit night, and the tear in your baby's eye.'
I love it when poetry speaks to me with such feeling...I was 'Silver'
I really enjoy freestyle poetry. It is such a great form to really let the emotion flow easily, without restriction.
Silver has certainly been on a journey...it is omnipresent. Yet something we do not give much attention as you say in your line. 'But mine is a lonely existence. Most do not notice me.'
My overall impression is that this is a creative peice full of so much meaning.
I do not see any room for improvement.
Well done on this peom and thank you for sharing it with us. It has lightened my day.
Blessings
Andi


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Geoff
I have just finished reading your blog entries. I was facinated by them. I do hope you keep your blog going. You have an amazing mind and I look forward to reading so much more of your work.
I am super impressed with how much reading you do.
Keep writing.
Blessings
Andi
10
10
Review of G. H. DAY  
Review by Lavender
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like this Geoff,
We don't do Ground Hog day over her in Aust. But I have seen the movie. But you have me wondering now. I wonder what does happen to spring if the G.H. dies. Would Spring just never come!
I short piece that really gets the reader wondering.
Thanks Geoff
Blessings
Andi
11
11
Review by Lavender
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Geoff
WOW! I am so impressed. Once I got past the use of the word 'drug'. I am Australian and use Brittish English. I Quickly looked up an american dictionary are there it was as plain as day.
So I read it again and again and once more for good measure.
You brought me into this piece immediately. I was there in the theatre. You then had my full attention throughout the whole peice.
For are micro fiction you took me through quite a few intense emotions.
The absolute pride and love of Grampa was adorable...all Grampa's should be this way. His admoration of his grandchild was so clear and breathtakingly beautiful.

Your Dialouge between Grampa and Poppy was spot on and told me everything I needed to know.
Poppy also captivated me and took me to a place of happy saddness (if that makes sense) The saddness that she had lost her mother but the happiness that she wanted to care for the puppet and not allow him to be without nurturing.
I love how in very few words you told me a rather grand story.

Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Blessings
Andi


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review by Lavender
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi!
My name is Andi and you have asked me to review your item Pleasure without conscience: A Social Sin.
Firstly thank you. These are two of my favourite subjects, Pyschology and Ghandi.
Please note: This is only my opinion.
My first impression is "well done". It is great to see you have such passionate views on this subject.
I must admit it left me feeling a bit perplexed!
Upon reading your first sentence, I wasn't sure if they were your words coming from you or you were stating someone elses words. I then looked up Ghandi's seven social sins and saw that sentence was word for word his. I strongly suggest that you state that you are quoting Ghandi, otherwise it will be seen as plagorisim. So I would start it with something like:
In reference to Ghand's Pleasure without conscience, one of his seven social sins he states: "The chief query of the immature, greedy, selfish, and sensuous has always been, "What's in it for me? Will this please me?"

Secondly when giving an opinion. I find it can be benificial to you, if you use "I" Statements. for expample: I feel this statement to be true as in a society where giving into pleasures without a sense of...(and so on)
The reason for this is then as a reader I am hearing that this is what "you" believe to be true. Otherwise I feel you are speaking on behalf of everyone and your opinions then sound 'absoute" I hope that makes sense to you.

In your second paragraph, you refer to someone who has fallen for the temptaion of sex as being the same as an obese patient being lured in by temptation... And please remember this is only my opinion. You have put this in the genre of psychology. I really feel that someone who has made a "wrong decision" by society's standards to have sex without consequence is very different to an "Obese" person. Psychology states that overeating is under the banner of "disordered eating" which is linked to "eating disorders" which then falls under the main umbrealla of "mental illness". I would maybe rethink this statement.

I really like how you have brought technology and social media into this. I also feel, it has a lot to answer for in this subject.

Again I draw your attention to the "I" statement: "abandoning and neglecting family,friends or a job, I feel is for the frivolous..." instead of "Is for the frivolous" It might sound like a small change but to the reader it takes out the feeling of being judged opossed to being given an alternative opinion that I would be more encouraged to look into for myself.

Your second last paragraph states as I hear it, that once a peson has made the mistake and lost their morals it is impossible to rectify and change this situation. I feel like I have been dammed forever as a reader. I would again suggest using the "I" statement again and referencing Ghandi again as hes states that: "psycholoy has worked to align people with their moral consciencce in what was called "integrity therapy".Thus even though people may have lost their way, through therapy they can certainly have the opportunity to realign/change.
This I feel creates a feeling of Hope to the reader.

I bring all this to your attention because if you are going to align this to psychology, it is always important to give the "consumer" hope for change.

Overall I feel you have a great grasp of the concept and as I stated before your passion to this subject is refreshing. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Blessings
Andid


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Torment  
Review by Lavender
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and the "Invalid Item"  *Vine1**Flowery**Vine2*


Hi geoff.
I will be giving a review of your piece 'Torment"
Over all I found this piece very interesting. Can I please suggest that you maybe re-think the rating. Personally I feel it is an 18+ piece. Some of your wording and descriptions are extremley graphic.

It took me a little bit to start getting into this piece and yes it does seem to be inbetween poetry and short story. and I found the use of ellipsis throughout made it very disjointed to read. But I also understand that the little girl is also disjointed.
If it is going to be a short story I would suggest different punctuation other than only really using ellipsis. For me this didn't create flow for me in reading the piece.

I really understand and hear the hell she is in, though I am left wondering,'who' she really is and maybe a bit more of 'why' she is feeling that way.
This is only my opinion. I thank you and look forwarded to reading it again if you choose to edit.
Thank you for sharing.
Blessings
Andi
14
14
Review of Reflection  
Review by Lavender
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and the "Invalid Item"  *Vine1**Flowery**Vine2*


Hi Amiee
Today I am giving a review of your piece 'Relflection"

Overall I enjoyed you piece. I find the subject really facinating.
I felt your writing didn't flow as well as I feel it could have. It felt disjointed. I also would have liked to have known how the girl in the mirror felt, not just her appearance.
I have started to learn myself to write a little less literal. I am a very literal person so that's how my writing was coming across. I am slowly learning to 'soften' the edges and by doing that I find that I am actually adding more emotion to my writing and creating more of a captivating read.
I did really enjoy it an I look forward to reading more from you.
Blessings
Andi
15
15
Review of Carlos  
Review by Lavender
Rated: E | (4.0)
WOW! I was captivated from the very beginning. It grabbed me fast and I stayed with it the whole way. I didn't want to stray and found that I could not stray.
Very powerful indeed.
Thank you kindly
Andi
16
16
Review of Broken  
Review by Lavender
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love it! it grabs me, it speaks to me and I feel it. Thank you
blessings
Andi
17
17
Review of Rat In My Brain  
Review by Lavender
Rated: E | (4.0)
thank you so very much for sharing this . I feel truly gratful to hear from another about the mental health system and the crisis it is in and the crisis it put mental health clients into further.
Blessings
Andi
18
18
Review of Bedtime  
Review by Lavender
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Rusty
I really enjoyed your short story.

The part where I was really drawn into the story and gripped is when the Father started talking about the stick figure drawings. Your detail to that was great.

I found I couldn't look away after that and was left at the end hoping and wanting more.

I am just starting out myself so sorry if there is not a lot of detail in this but just wanted to let you know I felt captivated by your short story.
Thank you kindly for sharing
Andi
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