This is such a beautiful, well-written poem. I love the way you repeat the last line in each stanza.
Perhaps you don't need to capitalize every line in this, since you have punctuation in here. Just put in capitals at a new sentence, not neccessarily a new line.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this. I can identify with some of this, so it's nice to see there are others who know what it's like.
This is a wonderful poem, I've always love space since I was child too . Very well-written, nice rhyme scheme. However, I think maybe you could do with more punctuation to make the flow more consistent. It is your poem, so do whatever you like, it's only a suggestion. Otherwise, I really liked it. Keep writing!
I clicked on this story because I have an interest in vampire lore. However, the first thing I noticed right away is that there's no spacing between paragraphs. This is okay if you're going to print it out, but on the screen, it looks daunting to readers, who will likely hit the back button. I'd suggest skipping a line to separate your paragraphs so it is easier to read.
"But of course, he realizes coming to his senses, that wishing is the way of those who cannot have."
You have this sentence in present tense. Everything else is written in past tense. This something to be careful of. Just a suggestion, maybe you could try:
"Coming to his senses, he realized that, of course, wishing is the way of those who cannot have."
Or something like that. If you don't like it, you don't have to write it that way, or even change it at all. Just an idea.
"To show those pretentious bastards that they wre squandering this great gift they have."
'wre' should be 'were'. Typos should be spellchecked, preferably on a word processor before you post them in the edit mode.
You should probably look this back over. See if you can make some changes, be watchful of the tense you decide to use, and try to be consistent about them. A different tense might be more appropriate in some sentences, but that's up to you. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. There were some great parts where your use of words really conveyed the feeling of this character. My personal favorite is:
"Wished that he had chosen death over damnation. That he had not taken this curse, this ungodly gift, out of his own vain attempts to cheat death and the creator."
Otherwise, very well done. Welcome to Writing.Com! I'll stop by your port again sometime!
It's scary how much this is like me. Every female on the planet experiences this, and it really is an in-depth look on women and what we go through. I noted to myself to mention this to some people I know. Good job!
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. Very well-written, nice rhyme scheme. However, I think maybe you could do with more punctuation to make the flow more consistent. It is your poem, so do whatever you like, it's only a suggestion. Otherwise, I really liked it. Keep writing!
"But of course, he realizes coming to his senses, that wishing is the way of those who cannot have."