What a wonderful story! I had to read every word of it. I've had sounds drive me crazy but not to that extent! I loved the character in the story. He seems like he's a cute, clutzy guy and I loved the t-shirt with "Feeling Lucky" on it! That just made me smile. Sometimes things just go into a domino effect and you cant help how things turn out. I loved your story from beginning to end. Good character, good story and I wonder what the noise was? Haha! Loved it! I gave it a 5 because it deserves it! I wouldn't change a thing! :)
Wow. There's a lot said here in this poem. I enjoyed reading it. I especially enjoyed the lines " Where now lie the remains
Of a withered willow tree". It says a lot on how people feel when they are broken hearted and like you said your souls ripped out.
"You are that wind which I seek But shall not find ever , never". There are so many good lines to this poem. I liked how it flows and how you describe how you feel about the 'beauties of your past'. I loved it. I wouldn't change it for anything! :)
The answer to all of those questions is yes! I used to have a friend like that a long time ago but the years have put miles between us and two
totally different lives ahead of us. It's weird what life does to friendship. I think this is what everyone wants out of a friendship. To be able to look at your friend and say nothing at all truly appeals to me, anyways. I'm 49 years old and don't have too many friends that I can do this with and I know that there is one true friend in the world for everyone to do this with, there's gotta be! I enjoyed your writing. There's no beating around the bush. Just say exactly what you want and that's what you should do in your writing! Keep on writing Akira~Sometimes writing can be the best friend you have in the world! :)
Nicely done wise owl! The message here is portrayed very well. I was an abused wife and got out of the relationship with the sole help of God and a few family and friends by my side! So I can relate to this story very well. I like how he was paralyzed and couldn't move at the end and that was done by God Himself. I loved it! Nice message portrayed and nice writing penned! You might wanna go through and check on your typos though. If you're anything like me I type too fast and then forget to check! Please continue writing! Great stuff!
This story was a shocker to me. It was like you knew exactly what that girl was feeling when she cut herself. This story held me from beginning to end. It was compelling. It was sad. It was angry. In all the right spots where it should be. It is so sad what happened to her mother. She may not feel like she was very important to anyone but she certainly was important to her. People don't understand whom they effect and how badly they effect someone until they are gone! I always had wondered why people did something like this to themselves and I guess it is a whole different type of high isn't it? I would've never thought about it like that. I would've just kept on thinking why someone would want to go around hurting themselves like that. My best friends daughter used to go around hurting herself, just like this all the time. Now I know why she used to do it like that! I must say I loved your ending as well. The begging of people not to walk away is too good. You are absolutely awesome and you deserve all these GP's I will be giving you! Please continue to put up more stuff! I will be reading! Definitely a fan!
Sometimes a person just has to tell everyone they know where to put it and stick with what they know. There is no harm in following the beat of a different drummer "and stick to the path I know is right" . I enjoyed your poem. It conveyed a few messages in there that some people in life need to take heed. I liked it because it went right to the point! Nice poetry. Good penning! :)
I enjoyed this story. I t was nice and simple and I liked it. I'm one of those people who seem to mess things up a lot and understand your
characters dilemma in not just letting Hans sit there and not do anything about his Dad's cake. No one would've believed him had he went home and told them the bakery had burnt to the ground. I'm happy that he finally found his calling too. It takes most people all of their lives to find their calling's but not this one. Is there a second chapter to this story. I would like to read on!
Love it and know it all too well. I'm 49 years old and still get those terrible hot flashes and the feelings of wanting to kill the first thing that steps in my way. Now is that menopause or pms? Haha. At any rate, I enjoyed the poem. It read quite nicely and I can relate to almost every word in it!
A very nice story indeed! I enjoyed reading it. I think you have captured how things were back in 1943 when babies are born without a father. I don't understand exactly where his sister went but neither does he! So I guess since we are supposed to be reading it through him that it's okay.
I think I might have stressed a little more the closeness between him and his sister and why in the world she would give a baby to a thirteen year old. She must've felt that he knew what great responsibility was and that he would take care and love the baby without question. Maybe it was just because she knew that he hadn't been fully taught the grown up ways of back then and he would accept the baby no matter what~when grown ups couldn't. Or maybe something to that effect. I enjoyed your story a great deal. You left it open to put in a chapter 2, are you going to continue it? I would love to read the rest if you are!
I liked this one better than Buttons and I loved that story. This one holds you from beginning to end. I love the line "The wind was a howling demon, driving the newly fallen snow across the desolate prairie." And the line " Bill peered through his windshield at a totally white world, feeling like he was inside a snow globe that was being shaken by a maniac." That line just kind of made me smile because it so described any snow storm I've ever been in. You have quite the way of describing things in your writing that I just love! It was an awesome story. The beginning, the build up and the ending and then the 'footnote' at the very end only made it a little more creepier, in almost a good way if that made any sense. Great writings! I love your stuff!
I enjoyed this story! I liked the build up of the characters and how everyone referred to each other as Red Team and Blue Team. I thought that was cute. I also liked how Ali referred to Phil as Tall guy too. This is how my best friend and I talked to each other when we were younger (and sometimes still do) so I guess I can relate to it a little bit. After all, how can you refer to someone you haven't met yet? Except to pick a specific aspect of them and go with it? I've been at parties where people huddle in a group and don't talk to each other it's a real drag. You described the party well and the characters in your story. Now I've decided I like Phil and I like Ali so I hope he doesn't turn out to be a weirdo. Nice story. Nice build up. I enjoyed it. :)
Wow! Superb article! I learned a lot from the do's and don'ts on how to write a query letter. I loved the fact that you put in a do and a don't example as well. That's helped me understand completely about what not to do. I need that!
The only thing I don't think that I would do is to call Canada (i.e. the example you used) and ask for the cost of stamps. I figure it it is sent from there to here then it should be okay using regular postage? I think.
I was also thinking that maybe I would use a corner (same corner on every paper) to put the title, author name and page 1 of 3, 2 of 3 and so on. If an editor's desk is cluttered then I think this would be a must. So nothing is lost or mixed up with another author's stories.
I learned a great deal from your article and enjoyed reading it at the same time! You did a superb job! Please keep writing!
I like this! This is really REALLY good. The imagery here is perfect. I can picture these things happening. I guess it's because I can remember riding on the back of a John Deere. "Sipping cocoa near the fire, marshmallows tickling my nose". I love that line. I love the softness in your poem. "Covered fields of wheat now a playground of snowmen and forts" and with that line brought the image of my Grandparent's farm in Pingree, Idaho filled with snow. I know you're supposed to be constructive with criticism but each line is a masterpiece of memory for me at my Grandparent's farm. Who could ask for more? Beautiful poem! :)
oh I liked this one. It was really cool! I liked the fighting between the two boys and how only the one remained. I liked Emi's curiosity. There was suspense building (and I like suspense!) with lines such as: "However something about the woods at night was unsettling...." I loved that line. "and it wasn't long before Emi began to think she'd made a foolish mistake. " Nice. It tells the reader something is going to happen and it might not be good.
I liked the whole plot of this story. Good versus evil, light vs. dark. I've never seen a story like it. Great job! Please keep writing! Would love to see more! :)
I'm not sure if there is any room for improvement on this one. You described everything quite nicely. From the drunken stupor to the turmoil of emotion that Nita must of felt when she found out that she was adopted. Hopefully now finding out the reason why she was so different maybe it will help her accept it better. Accept herself better so she quits hurting herself. I think her mother did that that day not because it was a special day but maybe because it was because what Nita had said. That she had tried everything and helped her with everything maybe she thought that answering the questions of why she was so different would help her deal with things better. I hope she doesn't hurt herself anymore. I hope it does help. What a wonderful story! I hope it has a happy ending for Nita and for the reader! Awesome!
It's a good article but I think it may be missing a few things and maybe, some things aren't quite so clear as you would like them to be. In the first paragraph it says, at the end, " Changing this is a problem for some people, but it will make your story more real and believable to your readers." I would just write "It will make your story more real and believable to your readers". That way they can decide whether or not changing it could be a problem.
This sentence doesn't seem to be clear as to what it is your trying to say "If it's a long stretch of dialogue, I like to occasionally add some sort of action, emotion, or character thought to the beginning or end of the sentence. (If it's important for the readers to know the emotion in the dialogue as they're reading it, you may want to indicate it on the beginning and not the end--this keeps them from having to read a long stretch of dialogue again.)" It needs to be worded differently or put an i.e. in there, maybe, to help make it clearer.
I like the ideas of imagining they were on a tv show or play and reading stuff allowed. It really does help to do these things!
I use these all the time especially when I get the lovely writer's block. It's a good article and some helpful tips, though. I like it! Please keep writing!
I think this is a wonderful story. It's very imaginative! It flows well. The sentences aren't choppy and still builds up to a pretty good climax.
The only things I "might" change is maybe make it to be more like a drug addiction. Maybe to go into more detail of about how this portal effected his work life and his social life. Maybe let the reader feel for him with his tugging and pulling at him and the NEED to go visit the portal more.
When he doesn't how angry he gets. How out of wack he feels without going in there. Go into a little bit more of the depression before he kills himself.
It does bring that wonderful end that leaves the reader wondering though....did the 20 bucs actually get him into the portal after he jumps?
I think you did a great job though! It's an awesome piece of work! Please keep on writing.........I would like to see more!
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