Excellent short story, I found the characters to be realistic and compelling, combined with a vivid and imaginative storyline this was an especially enjoyable read for me, thanks.
I'm an aetheist so the religious part doesn't appeal to me, but I am also a guitarist, I found it easy to get a beat with this, 1+2 3 4+5 6 is the rythym pattern I automatically started singing it in with some kind of major key chord progression in my head, not sure which since I'm not about to break out my guitar today but hopefully that's what you had in mind. Nice and easy flowing. These lyrics will work well in a song.
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