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Review by Euclidian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It is a good piece and I love the story line very much. You have chosen a hard rhyming pattern especially for the subject at hand, but pull it off well for the most part. I am by no means an expert, but I would try to even out the length of the lines and the rhyming could use more work. The novelty of the piece more than makes up for any shortcomings in rhyme to me. Here are a few thoughts, they are just something to think about and I am sure that you can do better than them:


1st stanza-3rd line-and he is dropping?
1st stanza-6th line-As the day slowly fades away?
2nd stanza-2nd line-cause I don't want no repeat?
2nd stanza-4th line-if I'm asleep under my sheet?
4th stanza-6th line-Cause daddy might tell they are there
4th stanza -7th line-just like he told Santa last year
I did so enjoy reading it and look forward to more of your work.
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