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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/betsie
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by betsie
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Just some thoughts, take it with a grain of salt.

2nd paragraph - Thunder rattled above; flashes of lightning briefly lighting the darkness. – I would rather : Rumbles followed by flashes of lightning lit darkness.

She stood her ground holding her head high; arms outstretched as she embraced the elements. – again:
Rooted, she held her head high and welcomed the elements with outstretched arms.

“What is your name woman? And how did become to be marooned on this island?” he asked carefully watching her reaction. – Captain speaks clear in first sentence then chopped in the second?
My thought: How are you marooned on this island?” he asked waiting for her reaction.

Maeyon reached for the sandals putting them when there was a knock on her cabin door. – putting the sandals where? It’s like two sentences pieced together. Quite a few of these floating around.

Some sentences are too long, making it harder to read – stalls the flow


So overall slightly difficult read but a good story - just need to scan back through and fix things.

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Review of Tried & True  
Review by betsie
Rated: E | (5.0)
here since your father and I married almost sixty years ago"
We lived and loved and fought and found joy for nearly fifty years before God called him home. --- so is it almost 60 or nearly 50?

Wow, great story!
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Review of Lady of The House  
Review by betsie
Rated: E | (4.0)
I can relate to this entirely as I have rescued injured pets. The poem is sad yet inspiring.

Very nice, thank you for sharing
4
4
Review by betsie
Rated: E | (3.5)
Too weighty a first chapter to convey that she got over her fear of the dragon or got comfortable, typos here and there - easy fix.

*** Brave, she was to face him now and dare to ask. “You called to me, and I answered.” - I will assume it is the dragon speaking and not Jess

“Called to you? I don’t recall doing such a thing,” Jessy said, confused, she shook her head.

“But you did maybe not consciously, but you did. Come closer don’t be afraid,” the dragon said.

I had to go back and re-read this part.


Overall an easy read, but it feels like slow.... imho - still worth the read!


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