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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/blueafter11
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7 Public Reviews Given
43 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Another Birthday  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the concept and feel this piece has good potential. The main thing i se is the last paragraph seems to disconnect from the first three. I feel the piece would be stronger if the it ended right before the last paragraph. All in all good work, I enjoyed the read. Keep on writing.


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Review of Shannon's Secret  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I always like flashback type stories. I think this has lots of potential. However I do not feel it is strong in its linear ability to tell a complete story. I know this is an older piece but I only write reviews on work that I know has potential. these are just my opinions so please take them as such. Good luck and keep on writing.....


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Review of Lady Of Mortality  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I find things in this that are strong. Good metaphor and imagery. "fever crowns her head with fire" is a great example of strong imagery. I gather she is stricken with illness and this is her transition into death. I feel this starts very strong and ends well. I feel like you knew what you were shooting for here but maybe got off track a bit in the middle. One way I try and stay strong is to not let the need of imagery, or the placement of a word I want to use dilute or overtake the flow of what is trying to be said. Sometimes simple is better. Seems as if the lines take you from life to her death and then back to her being alive followed my her being dead. I personally would gather the lines into two complete sections and then have the death follow the life. It might read better, have a nicer image that congeals more solid and overall have a stronger image. Cheers for the good work. Please note I am not the "end all, be all" when it comes to writing, so take my opinion just for that. :)
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