What I liked:
It had a very unique plot. I expected it to be almost like a SAW clone or something of that nature. It was an unexpected turn and unique in a good way, as far as horror genre's go. I think that's very important because a lot of horror writing of this nature focused purely on the horror of the situation. If you make it so that the plot is a sort of "torture for retribution," I'm not gonna be interested because I know what's going to happen. With this plot, I honestly don't really know what to expect, and I'm curious to find out. Whats lost a lot of times is keeping the reader interested through a sort of morbid curiosity. This plot, so far, has me interested.
I loved the way you described what she saw and the shocking from the collar. Describing her pulse as "racing," her back as "complaining," and describing the people on the screens as "figures," sort of makes everything feel just a little.....off. It leaves you with almost a subconscious uneasy feeling, and helps build the atmosphere. Describing her urinating herself as a "warmth that spread from her crotch," I think was a very smart detail. It takes about a half second to process exactly what that meant. It makes you almost have to draw the conclusion yourself, forcing you to personally think of the act and all the sensations that correspond with it. To put it simply, it provides every descriptive detail that your brain can think of for the event without actually putting it to words. You made me feel something without having to describe it directly to me, which is very impressive.
What I personally would improve:
When you mention the skulls, it doesn't feel like there's a whole lot of depth to it. Yes skulls are disturbing, but with how common they are in horror literature, it felt almost like a prop with no other purpose then to scare the person in the room. I think it would have added a lot more depth if it gave more details that portray the abuser. For example, if it had the pet names of the people above the skulls, or maybe a sign that lists the punishment they committed that led to them being killed.
I feel like the characters didn't have anything remarkably unique about them. For example, if Amy were to scream at the character asking about where her son is, or making specific assumptions as to why she was there, I would feel more sympathetic towards her. I think a good example of this would be in the walking dead (spoilers). When Glen dies, it's a very disturbing and unsettling thing to watch. This isn't because of the gore of it all, you see zombies cut in half or missing pieces of there head, and people being eaten to death on a regular basis. It's disturbing because we know Glen. We know his wants, his goals, who he's close with, his character flaws, etc. So if we knew more about Amy, we would feel her pain even more. Same goes with the figure that enters and shocks her. The more we look at her as a person, the more terrifying it is that a person could actually do this to other people. For example, is it a sexual pleasure she derives from it? Is it a form of revenge or retribution? Was she abused in a similar way? It's scary to think of a random stranger murdering people in the night, but isn't it much more terrifying if it's someone that you know? To have a good understanding of this, I would recommend reading letters that were written by serial killers. Some are to pen pals and loved ones that really show there emotions and wants as a person, which to me is much more terrifying then just looking at them as a monster in the night. Even if it's one minor detail about that person, it still leaves that extra unsettling impression on you.
At any rate, I hope that this review helps you in some way and thank you for giving us the chance to read your story! Feel free to contact me if you want. I can't wait to read more! |
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