I really enjoyed this as a start of a story. You gave me a good feel for the location with your excellent descriptions and introduced two of your characters. In the second paragraph, you use the word His twice by the word Shoulders. The paragraph that starts with JESUS it should be blurts instead of blurt. In the paragraph that starts, Andrew slid two fingers, the word Sight should be Sights as you are referring to multiple things. These are only a few grammar corrections, and I really love the creatures you allude to in your story. I want to know what they have done, their weaknesses, what they want, and many other things, but I will have to wait for future chapters of your story for that information. This is an excellent first chapter that sets some of the people and places of the story but teases at more to come, making the reader want to know more.
I really enjoyed the vivid imagery you used. It makes for a very clear image of the environment. I always have a hard time reviewing poetry because it is such a personal thing and much of the meaning can only be known by the author so take note that my suggestion is only an option. A title might help draw together all of the elements of your poem and the thoughts you want to tell the reader. The mood of this poem is a very somber tone that I liked reading.
I enjoyed this story and thought you used the words well without forcing them to be somewhere they wouldn't fit. In the second paragraph if you wanted to, you could expand the description of the birds by suggesting what kinds of songs they are singing such as a song of goodbye or a greeting.
In the seventh paragraph I think you want to use "already" instead of "all ready" as you are suggesting something occurring before a certain time.
I really enjoyed your ending and the warm tone of your story and the message it sends.
I enjoyed the story and the nice twist to the story. You may want to switch the "At fourteen" to "When Alex was fourteen he" to better indicate the fact that one is a dreamer and one lives more in the real world. I am impressed with your use of punctuation.
I enjoyed this short story. It is difficult to work within the confines of a small word limit but I think you have done nicely in building the bloody history of the place. I would like to know more of what happens to Tiffany but with the word constraints I understand. Good luck to you in your future works.
I enjoyed this short poem. I liked the flow and descriptions. You may want to expand upon why they might not be with it which is brought up in the second to last line, and in the last line begs the question why you miss kisses.This works nicely as a short light piece but I am definitely intrigued to have it expanded.
This is a powerful piece about a very dark subject. I would suggest you leave an empty line between the paragraphs to make it a smoother read. I think expanding on the descriptions of the emotions could improve this piece: did she scream in rage? Sob with frustration at her helplessness? Did she burn with hate at the lack of motherly protection? This piece has many examples of her attempts to overcome the situation and as very good at presenting a very dark situation.
This a wonderfully moving story that was very well told. You might expand on how your easing of the family's burden of sorrow is helpful to nurses in the long run either by making them better people or the family being more understanding of all the hard work you put in for their loved ones. Your definitions are helpful though you may want to capitalize the words you are defining so it is more pleasing to the eye. Best wishes to you for the hard work you do for people in need.
I liked your story and your interpretation of the characters. The one suggestion I would make is to make Death more of a callous being, perhaps with a comment on a schedule to keep. How would you react after doing something a millions of times no matter how disturbing the scene? There was a lot here you can exploit and develop in future stories and you did an excellent job of creating full and rich story with the word constrants.
I enjoyed this work a great because it was well written and story was amusing. You described the alien species well and were creative with them. Depending if you are going to use earth in future stories related to this you might consider removing the references to earth and use more sci-fi related references to describe things. I greatly enjoyed the ending to your story.
I watch and read a great deal of horror, so this was a delight for me to read. This piece was well written and had a nice twist to it without having it come out of the blue, having set no basis for it to occur. I love the build up to horror because the heavy hints allow the proper anticipation for the horror to come. My one suggestion is the child might argue for or against putting the tooth under the pillow because they would be around the age of six. I really enjoyed the back and forth between the characters which made them more real for the reader. This is a very good piece of horror to read.
This is a great piece because it deals with a touchy subject with humor. The simple rhyme scheme allows for easy reading and a great flow to the poem. I would recommend removing the Still from the 4th line to make a smoother flow, but your piece is wonderful the way it is and reading it aloud makes it more enjoyable.
I liked the flow of this piece and especially the placement of the punctuation and paragraphs which is very important for a short piece to tell more of the story in the limited time you have. This piece leaves the reader wanting to know more about the character. Were they the victim or the villain? This piece encourages you to let your imagination to wander about the story it tells and I think it does it well.
This is an extremely well written interactive story of transformation. There are a few animal transformations in later chapters but it is mostly gender change, body swap and age change. The beginning chapters are filled out allowing for diverse paths to follow. There is sex in some chapters but it is not gratuitous and most chapters are of good length with excellent options to follow. This is one of my favorite interactive stories.
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