Hi,
Thanks for what you have written above, and I am going to have a look at your previous newsletters.
I recently met the love of my life, and living far away from her, I decided to write to her, and it has proved to be the best thing I have ever done, in writing!
"A Beautiful Thing, Love...." [E]
Everything you have said is true. I used to write letters all the time when I was away from home. Getting back to it has changed me in ways I could never have imagined.
I have never held back my true feelings from her, and her appreciation of that is felt everytime we get to meet. There is an honesty available to you when writing, especially love letters, that, when taken, will ALWAYS be appreciated. I write as I feel, and I don't think anyone could ever not be affected by true feelings when read from a page. Reading these has no distractions, and so, the more honest and heartfelt, the greater the effect.
Thanks again,
I'd love to keep in touch, you seem to be a man of a similar mind!
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!
CONTENT:
An inspiring story, and one I'm wondering is it true?! very well written, beautiful imagery and emotions.
STYLE: I like the way the story is developed, and how the paragraphs are kept short, making the piece flow smoothly.
STORY:
I have written myself about finding love recently, and this brought a tear to my eye at the end.....you have the ability to bring emotion to the fore, a great asset in writing! A heartwarming story, with great energy.
COMMENT:
This struck a cord with me, as I enjoyed a reunion lately with an old friend, which has turned into something special. you have managed to capture the emotions perfectly, thanks for a great story!
Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
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I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!
CONTENT:
A really nice piece, the memories very clearly described and very well portrayed! I love the personality would give the piece with the inclusion of the names!{:smile}
STYLE:
It seems obvious that the piece was easy to write, as it flows effortlessly from start to finish.
STORY:
A beautiful rendition of fond memories, and not so fond maybe, but the sense of relaxation now is very easy to feel, and you finish it with the addition of the photo's, which left me with a flash of memories of my own!
COMMENT:thank you for a lovely story!
Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
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Well done, this is a far better read. there are still some long paragraphs, but the whole piece is not affected by them. It was a really enjoyable read 2nd time, so well done again, The atmosphere was enhanced by the cahnge, and credit has to be given for that!
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!
CONTENT:
Really good introduction of the main character. Nice imagery at the start to set the scene. When I write, I really like to get the start perfect. Here would be my first sentence:
Alex woke up.
Just another winters morning to him, the full moon still bright in a dark sky.
and then the rest of the description, which was really good; ' the lifeless gsrden'...nice.
STYLE:
You have a nice way of building the story. I really felt for poor Alex, the emotions are very clear.
STORY:
I can't wait to see the rest, and thats a good thing! keeping the reader interested is paramount!
COMMENT:
some minor issues with the construction of the paragraphs, you might break them up a little. Someone told me early on that when starting a new description in a piece, start a new paragraph. This one...;'Today as he walked...' might be better as a new one. and use more breaks, they will help the flow better.
It was a really good piece, and with a few small alterations, could be really gripping. Well done!
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!
CONTENT:
A great central character, and a well introduced 'bad' one. You really give an excellent description of the setting, probably the best about this piece. The circumstances of the deaths are good, and the overall picture you build up is very good.
STYLE:
It is a bit obvious that you don't write in the first person often. It is hard to do! You made several double references in your descriptions of things; 'leaves' in the 1st and 'counter' in the 4th/5th, plus a few more. When I'm writing descriptions that try to evoke an image, I usually write it out on a page first, befors settleing on the final one....it does help, as it cuts out obvious overuse of words. But I like the way its written, the style is very much the way I like it. Try writing each section out first though, it really is a good way to get the connections between images, and also the following paragraphs, just right!
STORY:
A great halloween story! I like to ignore grammatical issues, and 'feel' the story, get the over-riding impression first. This was really good. Good imagery, good characters. I definitely got the feeling of almost helpless terror from the main character, and the haunting glee from the 'evil' one!
COMMENT:
I know you said it was a new genre for you and a new style, so overall it was a really good story. I think you should read it several times, and you will see where it can be improved. Shorten the paragraphs, or rather break them up! cut out the double mentions, and don't be afraid to use more description for the blood and guts, it is a horror!
But very well done, for a first. Try the writing it out first, it will help you focus your thoughts, and then it will convert to you final presentation.
Hi Patrisha,
this is really nice. well done. its hard to express exactly how you feel about true friends, so other people can understand, but its clear that you do have such a friend, and you have managed to convey that quite easily.
you could perhaps, extend this poem into a longer piece, maybe 'flesh' out some of the thoughts and comparisons; now that you have gotten over the first hurdle of putting your feelings down on paper, as such, you could try?
there is a little too much repetition of some words in it, from a personal stance, but in all its a lovely piece. when friends, and best friends at that, you can never be over descriptive!
well done again,
Mark
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