Some slight changes in structure would make this little piece a rather serene haiku. I don't believe that this piece merits much change, however, and if it is to true to the author's original ideas and purpose for writing it, I believe that it should remain as it is, a poignant remembrance.
This piece was artistically done and, with a few minor flaws, generally well-written. A bit vague at times, the way that the author hints without giving specifics serves well to shroud the events and settings of the piece and the dark undertone gives it a sort of art noir appeal.
Once again the quthor displays great skill in her knowledge of how peotry works and the true intent of it. This poem is indeed yet another display of her technical skill, but there is a very human element involved that makes true poetry what it is. This rhythmic flow of this poem is excellent and truly a well-written lilibonelle. Aside from all of this, the emotion that the author intended to convey was very poignantly so.
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