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149 Public Reviews Given
166 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Rated: E | (4.5)
The joy that Anonymous has given you by upgrading your account is both moving and a great experience to share in. The reader can see just how much this has affected you, especially because it has enabled you to include this wonderful little gift from your daughter at the end of the poem! Talk about great timing on the part of Anonymous! Very heartfelt. Good job.
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77
Review of New York  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem. NYC was quite enjoyable when I went for the first time this past August, so this makes me think back with fondness upon that time. Central Park was my favorite part.

One suggestion: the line "New York has something for everyone" is the only one in this poem that doesn't have a rhyming line to go with it. Try and come up with something to go with this, as it will help the flow of your poem--it's a bit of a distraction at this point because the reader expects it to rhyme with something. :)
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78
Rated: E | (2.5)
Rarely does a scene like this not touch the heart of the people involved--you have captured the pain and the longing in this poem that anyone would likely feel when a person they love must go away for some reason or other. It hurts to be separated from the person and to have to endure the days and the nights without them there by your side. I believe you have hit on a real emotion here and that rings true very clearly to the reader. Good job on this part of the poem.

Some suggestions:

--Consider whether or not you want to capitalize the first word of every line you write. I only say this because this is what you did in all but one line of your poem. I don't fault writers for setting up their poems this way, but if you are going to do it this way, make sure you are consistent--you began your fourth line without capitalizing your first word, so that's just a head's up.

--I would consider replacing "leaving" in the first line with "going away" to help the flow of the first rhyme you try to create here. The implication from the wording you have chosen is pretty clear, but the words you have chosen are missing a little something in their present form.

--"I begged you to stay/you couldn't bear." This is not a complete thought, especially when we see that you continue this thought in the next line. The period needs to either be removed from its present spot and forgotten, or perhaps you could put it after stay, as this could be made into a complete, succinct sentence. Of course, in doing so, you would also have to capitalize "you". :)

--"Hurtful sighs" seems awkward to me. I understand what you are trying to say, but I don't think this is how you want to say it. Can sighs really be hurtful? Sighs can be filled with hurt and pain, yes, but not hurtful in and of themselves.

--You might want to consider putting a comma after "you loved me" in the next line, but maybe not. Your call.

--I would put a period at the end of "far from my sight".

--I would remove the comma from after "wish", as it does not need to be in that spot.
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