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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cambusken
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26 Public Reviews Given
26 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of WHO DONE IT?  
Review by cambusken
Rated: E | (3.0)
That was a pleasant two-and-a-half minutes! Well done *Wink*
2
2
Review of Halloween Night  
Review by cambusken
Rated: E | (2.0)
Fair enough as an anecdote, but not really a story. Your writing suggests you could do much better, but need to tighten up the flow.

Cheers
3
3
Review of Sister Driving  
Review by cambusken
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, you certainly can write. I loved your short sentences and your dialogue seemed authentic (though I only know American dialogue from TV, etc, so it might just be the usual smart-guy guff.)
I am not sure how you wipe a "human" from a windscreen simply by a flick of the wiper, but maybe you are suggesting the others are not human.
Everything sort of collapses in the last paragraph but it was fun while it lasted.
Cheers
PS Your grammar is terrible! "gotten"? Where did you get that? Ooops, I forgot, it is not English, it's American, dude *Wink*
I'm sure you'll be a famous American one day.
Cheers
4
4
Review by cambusken
Rated: E | (2.0)
This is just a series of assertions. An argument would help to make this a piece of writing.

At certain stages of our lives we are all tempted to make such nihilistic statements, but they cannot possibly be true. Or rather, if they could be true, why would we make them, if the were pointless.

I can imagine a cartoon hydrogen atom making similar assertions. But gaze on the glory of the sun and prove him wrong

Have a better day *Wink*
5
5
Review of Memoirs  
for entry "I Was Robbed." 
Review by cambusken
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, you certainly can write! This was a great little, dramatic scenario with a surprising coda. I loved it! I particularly liked the brief glimpse of your life as you sat "at the porch table with our bacon and eggs and biscuits". The thief's intrusion into such a pleasant, tranquil life was made so much more dastardly.

Hope you catch him/her *Wink*
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Review by cambusken
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I think this is a pretty good example of a helpful comment. Thanks a lot. I shall try to follow your advice.
(PS I don't think I could bring myself to say anything was terrible *Wink*
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7
Review of A Common Knight  
Review by cambusken
Rated: ASR | (1.5)
Perhaps you should edit this so that the story runs more smoothly. You should decide which language to use - medieval or modern slang? purse or wallet?

Also, check spelling. (6 o'clock, for example)

I am not sure how she proved herself a noble Knight.

Hope this helps
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Review of The Cabin  
Review by cambusken
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I thought this was a lovely story of a chance encounter leading to friendship. It was well-told, apart from the strange punctuation - what were all the "â"s ? It was very believable and very sweet. Well done!
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