Wow! You're story seized my interest as soon as I began reading. It flowed very well, though you might consider shortening certain sentences, as they can get a little confusing. For example, the third paragraph from the end could be made into two sentences, and I think it would read a little better.
The ending hit me like a slap in the face, and I reread it twice to make sure I understood. Chilling!
Only one sentence didn't quite make sense, even though I know what you were trying to say. "Not a flicker of light from any direction convinced her she must be in a basement, attic, cellar or a room with no windows."
This implies that she was not convinced of anything. Maybe if you rephrased it. "There was not a flicker of light from any direction, which convinced her...
Your description was excellent, painting a vivid picture of "nothing" and sounding a deafening roar of "silence".
This is extremely realistic, as well as depressing. You have captured the feel of urban life very well, and the growing faith humanity places in technology could result in a world similar to the one you depict here. I like how you begin the book right in the spur of the moment. It draws the reader in, leaving no room for boredom. Anyone who reads this story will not be able to stop. Keep writing; this is excellent.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/captainshadows
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 6:13am on Apr 28, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
