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Review by Cartesian
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I'm still new at this but i hope this helps in any case.

i liked how you created a world in a few paragraphs. different but close enough to here and now for me to make the connections and understand and i liked that a lot and hopefully will know how to do that to.

the theme and the plot itself was what made it interesting and the ending was enough of a surprise to make the worthy read.

my main problem was the flow of the story... it felt chopped up and I'm not sure i can adequately explain what i mean but there were paragraphs that felt like they were inserted on purpose in the name of clarity and not part of the storyline itself.

thanx for the read and I'd love to read more on the same theme cause i really do like your ideas..
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Review by Cartesian
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm brand new to this so i hope you don't take me to serously...

first i want to say that the story made me smile and thats good i think in this case.
the story flows correctly with the relevant information playing out in a logical manner.

the question mark of the whole story lingers nicely until the punch phase and thats the part i liked the most.

i couldn't help thinking though that the ending was a bit of a let down... maybe a bit to simple i think.

hope this helps...
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