I like the way you display the promise of a lifetime in your work. Your poem seems too colloquial, more of a regret-speech narrative. The reader can barely see the true emotion that you attempt to convey. I get the deathbed promise and everything, but the lack of sincere emotion, hinder the whole experience. Grammatical errors, but nice and simple overall though. You are free to read any of my poetry. Try "Oblivious to Me" and "Here We Are".
I believe your poem helps to relax the soul. It gives the reader a feeling of drifting in and out of paradise. Sitting in bliss, barely noticing the world around you, feeling the comforts of nature is a beautiful experience. You share a sense of pride at sleeping with nature. Nice.
I really like the poem, it seems that it should be lyrics to some Black Eye Peas Song if you break it up into stanzas. The peace and recognition mentality works well in your poem. A little too colloquial though, with grammatical errors, but overall, the direction of prediting our direction is a great setup. You show how the world is today with all the careless domination and all. Great poetic expression.
I like your take on religion. It criticizes the mythology that many in today's society regard as law and Holy Scripture marked by the "Word of God". Many people do not know how to interpret the stories of the Bible; they regard them as literal fact, putting their lives on the line in the name of faith. Faith is used by many as a security blanket and even if faced with a sudden epiphany that their time has been misguided, many still will hold on the antiquated books because it is all that they have. Your lyrics are poetic and wise.
Feel free to read and review any of my religiously themed poetry.
This is the kind of slow poetry that one reads aloud while sipping Country Time Lemonade. It puts one in the mood of remembering simple gestures and simple moments in life that may seem trivial to some, but are a lasting peace to experience. This kind of simple poetry has a lasting effect, reflecting on the good times, mixed with regrets and sorrow, but filled with a sense of pride and hope that depends on perserverance and faith. Sometimes when we don't know what to do, we resort to our hobbies that keep us through the day, and you reflected this aura in your poem. Nice job.
Your prose is quite interesting, as you ponder the quesiton of those that judge; those that are the superior to themselves, in their minds. This question centers on the debate on human freedom; freedom from those who wish to control every aspect of human life; those who would have social control, disregarding civil rights and the rights of the minority. The prose also reflects the awareness of the self-righteous, those who proclaim themselves at the alter, but are hypocrites in nature. "They" gives a hint of inspiration to those who are lost in the rhetoric of traditional, arrogant thought.
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