It's got a good sea shanty rhythm and vibe to it.
In the second half, the rhymes aren't working as well for me as in the beginning.
While I understand that shanties work on a sentence base, I would look at loosening the sentence structure, especially considering that you're using a form of "be" in half the lines. You can also do without the "they" - we know that the poem is about a group of sailors. The second-last stanza gives you the same info twice, wasting precious space - 14 men die, 6 remain. Try playing with the loss of the men instead (One by one they're plugged off the ship...).
You're sticking the landing - the moral of the story, if you will - well. Which makes it a nice round arc from leaving port full of hope and confidence just to prove no motch for the sea.
I like the concept of the piece - that attraction goes deeper than flesh, building on the word "flesh", which in itself is primeval and archaic.
You do stick the landing really well with those two last sentences.
However, I am not convinced by the middle section. "I love you as a person" strikes me as too trite, too overused a phrase. That being said, I could see you play with this trope a more and make it work despite the triteness.
I hope this helps!
Keep going!
C
Being a chocoholic myself, I love the premise of your story. Your descriptions are immersive and I can taste the six candies when the MC puts them in her mouth.
Now to the things I didn't like so much:
- I was a bit disappointed with the ending. It would work if it wasn't for the fact that three of the chocolates evoked strong memories and three were just chocolates, one so bad that she spit it out and one even painful. I think the story would work better if either all six chocolates are connected to memories from her past (can be good or bad) or if there was an explanation for how some were so specific to her childhood and others were not.
- There could be a bit more finesse in the choice of words:
-- the chocolates themselves - rather than just square or round they could have decorations on them (like fine truffles/pralines from a chocolatier would);
-- the imagery - this sort of sensual plot can take a lot more metaphors and similes
-- look for all instances of "strong" and "actual", "almost" and all words used to prop up another verb/adjective - I am sure you can find stronger verbs/adjectives that don't need to be propped up.
Honestly, this reads less like a thoughtful essay than a ranting comment one might writing under a blog post.
I would not open with putting myself in the victim position (that you expect this to be deleted anyway). Instead, make a compelling argument as to why your point of view should be heard.
There is little structure in your text or objective discussion of arguments. You have formed your opinion - which is your prerogative - but you quote only sourced that are clearly against Islam to begin with (other than your friend from high school who clearly was either insincere or had not read the full passage of the Quran he was quoting; it took me one minute to find the context on this: https://www.alislam.org/library/articles/why-does-...) rather than laying down your decision path based on varied literature.
All the best!
BTW: I've been to Palestine and a lot of Palestinians are Christian, some of them are even Jewish. That doesn't have anything to do with your text but I thought you should know.
I very much liked the scene you build with the first two paragraphs. They're heavy with description and adjectives, which fits perfectly with the joyous Christmas theme.
The third paragraph feels a bit forced. On a grammatical level, it should be all in the present tense ("snaps back"). I also think that the descriptions need to be pared back to build a contrast and reveal the sadness, the longing for better days of the present Christmas. Instead of putting the whole scene into 5 sentences full of comparisons and adjectives, take your time and look at each element and what it does independently.
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