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Review by CDouglasB
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Can I say I loved the subject matter? Enjoyed it til the end. I think I would've left the revelation that it is the father of the children until further in but, it still works nicely as it is.

Grammar and editing are a biggie with me, though I need help with it as well. The one thing I would suggest is to go back through line for line and check repetition of wording.

For example: Streams of of glowing moonlight filtered through the pine needles and lit the forest floor with ghosting slivers of light.

The imagery made me feel as if I was right in the middle of the forest, especially as the young girl, standing so proud. Truly sad to see her meet her end. Or was it?

Otherwise, as I said earlier, I really like the subject matter and, as a short story, leaving the "ending" to the reader, it is super. However, you also have much to work with if you decide to continue!

Thanks for sharing!!
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2
Review by CDouglasB
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am not one read much poetry, but when I do it's usually by Edgar Allen Poe. That's what attracted me to your poem and everything flowed well for me except the line, "Shudders a flinch", could have been worded differently. I like how you can take this poem so many ways, that's what the craft should do. Great Job!!
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