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26
26
Review of Therese Anne  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lovely work here, really. Especially from such a young author. I am impressed. *Smile*

I'd be unkind if I didn't share with you the ways in which this poem could reasonably be improved, however. From the words on your portfolio's description, I gather you've a genuine desire to improve your writing and a decided passion for written expression. You do appear to have natural ability, and you could excel in the art with more practice. *Smile*

Do you notice the bottom (and for the sake of this conversation can we call it a 'chorus')? How you've altered it from its original form, ever so slightly? That was a brilliant decision. The middle instance of the chorus could use the same treatment, the alteration of its second and third verses.

Another issue standing between its perfection would be punctuation: it could use some additional commas (for example, here: So naive, I must have missed) and periods (That angels and mortals can never coexist.)

That:
*Note6*Some of the "that"s can be reduced, as here: That implicit fine print/ The implicit fine print.
*Note6*That angels and mortals/ telling, reading, saying, announcing...In this instance, I hope you can see how you've leaned on the word "that" at the expense of the poem's overall integrity, and denied yourself the fundamental right to express yourself precisely. Often, writers lean heavily on vague terms, such as "that", at the expense of their meaning. You're young, so I'd encourage you to take hold of this overuse of vague terms and really master it before it becomes habitual, as is often the case in older writers.
*Note6*Many times, "that" is misused to support and modify a person, as seen here: For the angel that now ascends, when "who" or "whom" is needed. Things may be supported by "that", as in the doors that open to their futures.
*Note6*Sometimes changing your verb can be helpful, as in this verse: How could I foresee the storm that raged ahead How could I foresee the storm raging ahead?

The overuse of "so" needs to be looked after as well, I believe. Reducing its presence could improve the poem's flow and impact on a reader.

now ascends to you flight, A missing word? Perhaps "in"?

In covetous and envy, Either, 'covetousness and envy', or, 'In covetous envy.'

I do like this poem, and found it very endearing. You've used symbolism to good effect, and conveyed an expression of a transcendent love to which I think most readers will be able to relate. These lines stood out as wonderfully personal, and illuminated her character: For even as you faltered/ You bore an air of elegance

You have a talent, so please don't ever allow others to diminish your love of writing. Use the knowledge of others to make yourself stronger, and progress.

Thank you for sharing your work today. I wish you all the best of luck. *Heart*

Challenge
27
27
Review of Starting Over  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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This is a very nice little story, WW. Its greatest strengths rest in its simplicity and its honest, humble tone. I liked your main character, and wish there was a name for him: he's the kind of character that's easy to like, easy to connect with as a reader.

A few areas for shoring up:
The story took a side-road here, leading a reader into a bit of extraneous detail that detracted a little from the main story's importance: Mom’s mother who was widowed, had been very ill. The rest of that paragraph need not be there. I understand your desire to flesh out this character, but would encourage you to stay on the track you'd established, telling his story in relation to his grandfather.

Tense shift:
The last paragraph needs extra attention to readjust the past tense, since you were--at that point--in the present tense. Very minor and easy to fix. *Smile*

Overall, I like this story, and would encourage you to write more on it. Like I said, your main character was a vivid, earnest man, with a wealth of memories and perceptions. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your work, WW.
28
28
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great employment of metaphor throughout! Each metaphor a careful symbol, each symbol interwoven with others, and a larger truth emerges.

Only one line threw me off:
The lifeless, living calf
It argues against itself, and not in a way that furthers your work's best intentions.

Otherwise, this is very good, serious, quality work.

Thanks for sharing it.
29
29
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is good work, which could only be improved through extra attention paid its meter. At first, the dated language--hath--threw me off, but it was easy enough to right myself as I read on.

Favorite lines: All his victories and virtues,
in vain without her toil.

Profound.

Keep writing them! *Smile*
30
30
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Jaye! *Smile*

A story about a writer in the stages of 'Becoming'. You did well to limit its focus to a single main character, and your punctuation and grammar read solid. Something about the language gave me pause, though. I'm sure it's just a matter of personal taste. *Wink*

I couldn't connect with your character, in truth, and the whole story fell a bit flat for me. I realize that this is also a matter of personal taste. Need not take it to heart.

Inside the story, itself, was the concept that held me back from enjoying this read: "That's it!" he shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "You gotta make 'em feel!"

If you were to personalize the character more and relax the writing style a bit, I think it would serve to improve this story. *Smile*

Best of luck!

CM
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31
Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (2.5)
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Hi Adore! *Smile*

I like to see a writer challenging him/herself with writing prompts. *Smile* The more we practice, the better we get.

Shimmy was a darling name to give your character, and I can so sympathize with having to take the dog out when it's the very last thing I'd like to do.

I guess the plot conflict could have been this 'not wanting to' and was resolved in Shimmy walking the dog anyway. It didn't make for riveting reading, but was sweet.

Actually I think this story could use a good deal of extra time put in on it, and I've included my thoughts on how it could be improved:

but the animal just didn't really
A few too many modifiers there, causing a reader to see more of the "but...just didn't really" rather than focusing on the what the animal was or wasn't doing.

That usually meant a quick duck in the grass
Ambiguity here. Did the dog take a quick duck into the grass? *Laugh* Even my sentence reads ambiguous! That's a tricky one. Keeps looking like a duck (a fast one) suddenly showed up and visited the grass. This sentence could use another verb, I think, for clarity.

C'mon boy, give me a break!" she yelled as he pulled her in every direction...
A tip about using exclamation points and dialogue tags: because the exclamation point denotes elevated volume or a sudden outburst, it becomes redundant to say she yelled. I think the sentence stands well without the dialogue tag, "she yelled", and the next sentence might logically open up on "He pulled her..."
Here's the same thing, only with a question:
Why do you need a walk, especially at night time?" she asked
And this, with a 'she said':
The wind seems to be picking up tonight!" she said with a heightened tone.
These examples --and the other dialogue tags in this story-- could be almost completely taken out. See, since the story is limited to a single main character and her dog, the need for dialogue tags is dimished to almost nil. We all know dogs can't talk, so it must be your main character talking to her dog. *Wink*

romped around but tonight...he didn't seem to notice this
Humph...doesn't it figure!"
C'mon...let's keep on moving!
Suggested corrections:
romped around, but tonight he didn't seem to notice this
"Humph! Doesn't it figure!"
"C'mon! Let's keep on moving.
(Note: I rarely offer such edit suggestions, but I thought you might appreciate the extra pointers. Forgive me if it comes off as condescending. Not intended at all.)

None of her friends were out walking their dog but Shimmy had to.
Shimmy had to walk her friends' dogs? This could use something extra towards clarification.

*Star* You limited the time-frame of this short story, a very good thing!
*Star* You limited the number of characters to one main and her dog. Too often a short story gets lost in an over-abundance of characters (which confuses the reader and detracts from the strength of a main character's impact on a reader). You did very well to keep a tight focus on Shimmy here. *Smile*
*Star* I saw deviation in its POV, which is a fabulous adherance! You'd be surprised how many very good writers fall easily out of their established points of view. Feel good about this! *Bigsmile*
*Star* I saw no variation/breaks in tense. That's excellent!

Keep using the skills you've built, Adore. *Smile* If you decide to do a rewrite on it, please contact me. I'd love to offer it another read/rate/review.

Thanks so much for sharing this story.

CM
32
32
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.0)
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First, let me tell you I LOVE that you chose to write about a real life situation, Tracey. I think no writing is ever more powerful than when it's true. And this was one scary scene. I don't envy you having to go through it.

If there were only two points I could share toward its improvement:
**Beginning in the second paragraph you began to pluralize, yet didn't let the reader know who these "others" were (along with yourself).
The darkness kept shocking us / faster than we could count. We watched...
Injecting the names, or perhaps saying it was your family, would help the reader follow along better.
**When describing a personal reaction to the situation, as you did very well in several spots (I was excited and scared at the same time/my heart was racing), try to see where you stepped outside of the boundaries of that intimate description:
My face was pale and my heart was racing as I thought, this has to be the worst storm I've seen since Freddy.
Adrenaline rushed through my veins
Even if you added something like "I bet adrenaline was rushing..." or "My face was probably pale" then you've kept the self-description within the realm of your main character's perceptions. She can't see inside her chemical make-up, nor can she see herself from the bystander pov.

I hope those tips help. *Smile*

So glad everyone weathered this storm. *Heart* Thanks for sharing it!
33
33
Review of Mariposa  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Nicki, I have to be completely honest: this was absolutely THE WORST!

*Laugh* No, I'm kidding. I wanted to write that in a public review at least once in my life, but only with someone who wouldn't hurt me for it.

*Star*Your storytelling, Nicki, never ceases to capture my imagination. You're by far one of the more talented authors among those I've read here. Again, you've managed to elicit an emotional response from me, held me inside your story, and sent me away afterward with such a deep impression that I felt it necessary to break the anxiety with a juvenile prank (above). *Bigsmile*

*Star*It's your characters, really, that draw out something special in a reader, their honest vulnerability, their flawed pain that makes them so marvelously easy to relate to and understand. Please, never change that beautiful quality to your writing, no matter what genre you find yourself in, or whatever surrounds your character.

*Star*I'd be a dolt if I didn't mention how gorgeous your language is in this story. You made it look easy, but the writer in me wonders...did she labor over every one of those delicious verbs? For a lover of words, your writing always offers up a sumptuous feast, Nicki. And I am glutted. *Bigsmile*

*Star*Additionally, the idea you chose to work with--marvelous! It's a fairly simple concept, something shared by so many it takes on a universally understood quality, and you've done a fantastic job of finding the right character and sequence of events to demonstrate a resounding point, hope-filled and inspiring.

There were a few points I noticed toward its improvement (very minor):

Depression was a vacuum that sucked the joy out of anything that once stirred her soul.
There was such strength in the metaphor, I wanted to point out the "that"s weakening this otherwise gorgeous sentence. I can see a quick-fix for the first "that": droping it and changing "sucked" to "sucking". Can't see one for the second, but you might want to leave it. With the first one removed, the second shouldn't present a problem. *Smile*

Oh, here I go looking like a bufoon. *Blush* Well, not the first time. Something about this word...can't dredge it up in memory, but it's bugging me, like it's spelled wrong in context. I'm lazy today, but hope you'll double-check this: the trim adorning the angular eves.

A point for clarity:
A delicate, gold cross hanging around her neck glinted in the sunlight.
With three females present, and the mother being the last to have the reader's attention (while speaking), this sentence needs to show possession of the necklace. I'm guessing it's the baby, but...yeah, a reader should seldom need to hazard a guess on points like this.

Now, this is going to sound radical, but I believe the story can end right here: "Mariposa? Doesn't that mean 'butterfly'?" and carry an infinately more poignant impact with a reader. Of course, it would mean adding a bit more story to the early part, getting in a little deeper with the character, but I know you're capable of doing that. Not only was that moment the "Ahhhh" moment, what followed it read a bit too good to be true, like making a great meal, then covering it with every sweet substance known to man. Too much on top of an already excellent work. I would strongly urge you to consider this idea as valid, and to take all the syrup off your gorgeous story.

You know I love you, admire your talents, and will be back to haunt you another day, Nicki. *Bigsmile* *Kiss* *Heart*

Let me know how this story comes along!
34
34
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is a pretty fair opinion piece, imho. I found it easy to follow its train of thought, understood its conclusions and examples, and liked the relaxed style in which it was penned. *Smile*

It might have been venting, but it was surrounded by well-formed reasoning.

One typo, only:
Have you ever met someone that acted
who

One suggestion:
Uncap all those letters on the title, making it: Human Imperfection
Capping all your letters is like a shout. *Wink*

Nice work! Keep it up!

CM
35
35
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Thayamax! *Smile*

I like what you've done with this idea so far. I do see room for improvements, and have put those ideas below. I would like to tell you, before getting into the finer points for edit, I like your characters. I felt for them, which is a sign that you've done your job. *Bigsmile*

The start offered a bit of suspense, serving to prod me along reading with a bit more than the usual interest, so kudos for that second sentence's prompting power. *Smile* The ending delivered an emotion-laden moment that will stay with me long after reading. Always a wonderful accomplishment for an author, imho.

Where it suffered was its core, at the development of its middle. I wanted to see more intimacy between the characters, more of those "insider moments" that only your primary character could dredge up of her associations with her mother. Those moments that only a daughter would know, the little things of childhood that she felt she was losing. There's a natural mourning process when a child loses a parent to such a disease that I believe wasn't captured fully here, certainly not as powerfully as it could have been captured. I'd encourage you to add more story. If you were under a word count limitation when it was created, then I completely understand its shortened form. Won't stop me from trying to get you to return to it, dig into it, and write out the deeply personal thoughts/feelings of your main character during this process of loss in order to really grab the emotions of your readers.

I've included a few minor points for your consideration, if you choose to edit them:

The nurse shook her head softly
A completely personal choice here, but I'd advise changing softly to a more precisely descriptive word, reflective of the brief shake of the head. Softly...a voice can be used softly, a pat of the hand can be done softly, but I don't think it applies to head shaking. Again, it may be a personal preferrence.

Thank God, she's in a good mood today.
You could go either of two ways with this punctuation: leave out the comma and allow the sentence to stream clear through this entire thought, or add a full-stop (either period--which seems more the established mental tone of your character--or an exclamation point).

In that brief moment I knew; my (1)beloved mother was lost to me forever. No longer the daughter she knew and loved, I stood before her, a stranger. (2)(*)Her bright smile faded as she saw the distress on my face.(3)

"What's the matter, honey? Did I say something to upset you?" (4)
(1) No punctuation needed here. If you'd like, a comma can be added after "moment", or it can stream through the entire thought without any additional punctuation.
(2) Now, this spot threw me for a tick and a half: I was focused on the mother, and the sudden change to the daughter (without knowing of the change for several words) gave me pause, and I had to read back. When we cause hitches in reading for the reader, we need to shore these inconsistencies up a bit. A quick fix would be to put the "I stood before her" part first, allowing a reader to stay current with your lead. *Smile*
(3) I'd drop this down a space, making it a new paragraph.
(4) This would go wonderfully as an extension of the above (new paragraph)
Ex: Her bright smile faded as she saw the distress on my face. "What's the matter, honey? Did I say something to upset you?"

When (if you choose to do so) going back into this story, take an extra look at how you approached its ending, the purity of being in the moment you successfully captured, and use that as your guide in fleshing out the middle of it. That's my best advice. You already know how to do it, you only need to focus on what you already know how to do very well. *Smile*

This could easily be a story that would challenge a reader not to cry to the point of streaming tears and running nose. *Bigsmile* I think you have it in you to deliver it.

Best of luck & many future successes!

CM
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Review of Sunrise  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Pringle! Welcome to WDC! *Smile*

Now I thought this story encompassed a certain mood I found intriguing enough to keep me reading from start to finish. And before I get on to the needfuls, let me compliment you on the opening line of your story: it was strong, inviting for the curious, the proverbial "grabber" one hopes to write in order to hook readers right from the start. Your ending line echoed a similar feat, delivering a firm summation of the story sufficient to resonate in a reader, long after having left the story's page. Kudos on both successes. *Smile*

I liked this story, really and truly, but find it (and to put it ungently, pardon me please) overpunctuated, wordy, and telling. Those are three qualities we really have to work against in our writing. One of your weak points is one I also share, the dreaded "that", and it's found no less than six times in your opening paragraphs. Now, suffering the same handicap, I can sympathize, but still feel compelled to ask you to address this overuse as a real issue. And when you come up with a cure, do let me know so I can apply it to my own writing. *Bigsmile* In all seriousness, I think the overuse of "that" is often a laziness on the part of we writers, and deserves our extra effort to correct. The other word I found you leaning on was "had", and while it doesn't seem to bother some readers, it's a thorn in my side. Most times, it need not be there at all, and only the verb needs a little tweaking. --- I hope that answers some of the "wordiness" comment.

As for the overpunctuation, I can only say, don't fear the period or short sentences (displayed by the overuse of semi-colons). While some will complain of a "choppy" quality to shorter sentences, and say they can't establish a reading rhythm, I find that can be a good thing. Our thoughts are often choppy, especially the powerful ones. Don't hesitate to express the thought in full-stop mode.

Of course, much of the telling quality of this writing can be eased by bringing its tense from past to present (which will also serve to alleviate the "had"s), giving the reader the feeling of being there in the now, while it plays itself out in greater action.

On the positive side, I find your writing a step above the average, displaying some knowledge and natural talent, and look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile* Please don't take my extra attention today on the flaws to be a negative. I tend to pay greater attention to writing I like. *Bigsmile* And I do so like yours. When I see a writer clearly capable of more, I ask more of them. Marmish, I know; please forgive. *Blush*

Do please keep writing. You've got something special.

Best to you!
CM
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37
Review of God  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Sherryel! Welcome to WDC! *Smile*

I like the firm foundation of faith displayed in your simple and truthful words. Moreover, I admire that trait. *Smile*

I'd like to offer you a few pointers to help you improve the overall quality of this brief poem, make it the best version of itself possible.

Starting with the description line: short and sweet. something from top of head and from deep in heart -- I realize we don't have a lot of room in which to write our descriptions here, but that's actually a good thing: it offers us a challenge to learn to keep our thoughts more focused, more precisely descriptive. I'd suggest you avoid the broken english (leaving out "the"), and try to restate the underlined part. The bit not underlined is extraneous overstatement, and needn't be there.

The recurring word, God, does look unappealing to the eye, and detracts from the quality. There are a number of quick-fixes for this, though, such as dropping the word from all but every three or four lines. But I'm guessing you can come up with something creative to cut down on the repetition and boost its visual appeal. *Smile*

Lastly, poetry needs proper punctuation like any other form of writing, so the end of each verse will need a period, comma, or semi-colon, as you decide what applies.

Fixing these three points will elevate this lovely little poem to a higher standard, and you'll see the rewards of your efforts in your future reviews, no doubt. *Smile*

Again, let me say I find this a very tender proclamation of faith, and I do like what you've got so far. *Smile* Keep at it! Remember, the writing is often in the re-writing.

Best to you!

CM
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Review of Many Years Ago  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lucy! Welcome to WDC! *Smile*

Initially attracted to your poem through its powerful description line, I felt glad I allowed myself to be drawn in, finding a worthwhile expression on the other end of that description. *Smile*

I did notice a few spots you might like to consider tightening up and clarifying:
This is an observation of what it took for a young woman to get where she is today.
The underlined is a strong description, the part not underlined is overstatement and I'd recommend dropping that bit.

Can she reckon the two?
As I understand the meaning and application of the word, reckon, I felt reconcile would have a more precise meaning here.

Also, this spot needs a stronger word: this regard.

A bit of slipping out of the establised third-person, she and becoming alternately distant and first person:
not what one expects
How you need
tormenting you

You did return to your third-person POV, a good move, and wrapped up the poem with a resounding chord struck gently, allowing the truth of it to rest easily on a reader. Nicely done on that point. *Smile*

I'm glad I read this today. Thanks for sharing it.

Best to you!
CM
39
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Review of Blur The Future  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Final stanza, lines six and seven were my favorites. I like the quality of hidden messages within this poem, it gives it the feel of an outsider getting a brief glimpse at something secret, and gets me thinking. Only slightly painful. *Wink*

Another good poem here, still along the lines of unbound expressionism. It reads personal, sincere, and rather deep.

Thanks for sharing it.

CM
40
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Review of Generic  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Powerful. If I left that word out, I'd be remiss. Hypnotic. Like a wave of thought washing over stubborn mind sand, and resistance is not an option. In many places, the repetition and lack of commas worked very well for me. There were some few spots where I thought it could be reduced (the repetition) for greater effect, and areas where dropping a word down a line would have improved the dramatic impact. These, of course, are all very personal opinions, and I first, middle, and lastly respect your authorship and right to display the writing As Is. I loved how you chose to move the poem through his life stages via what page he was on at any given moment. A little past mid-way through it, it began to read in a lyrical form, taking on an additional chanting strength. With minimal effort, this could easily be made into a great song. As prose poetry, dangling on the edge of free-form expressionism, it definately works. I like eccentric expression and outspoken social commentary, so you've scored extra marks for touching on those two delicacies. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing the link to this poem. I sincerely enjoyed the reading experience today.

All my best~
CM
41
41
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (5.0)
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NickiD89 , This is an excellent story. A real feel-good read. *Bigsmile*

I thought the run-in with the Cat-lady of the building served the story well, illustrating how completely pushed around by life this main character really was. When I got to the part when she was faced with that leap of faith, believe me when I say I was right there with her on that ledge. The quality I like best about your stories, Nicki, is how easy it is to get completely absorbed in them. My second favorite quality of your writing is the strong themes you offer, like the finest meal served to street bums at no cost. *Bigsmile* I feel a little pauperish before reading your stuff, and leave feeling like a poorly dressed princess. *Heart* You know how to treat your readers.

This stood out: In those deciduous moments
It's an unusual usage, reads poetic, paints an image of changefulness that's as organic as leaves dropping in the fall to grow back anew in the spring; your main character becomes the tree. Love it!

Thank you for sharing your work!

Good luck with it in its contest.

MetaphorSquared
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Review of To Forget  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (3.0)
I loved the concept you presented in your story, and found the ending very touching. *Heart* It's an interesting idea you've explored, and you took it to its best conclusion, I think. There were a few areas I noticed for improvement, and would like to share my opinion with you today. Do feel free to take or leave my advice, as it's your writing, and you're the final authority on your own work. *Smile*

A few tips:
Spell check wouldn't catch that:
strait (<--the waterway type, not the posture, which is spelled straight)

Children’s laughter, how ironic, he thought.
*Setting off, with italic print, the character's internal dialogue sets it apart from the regular narative of the story, making it easier for the reader to understand what's going on.

“She was screaming” he thought aloud. He winced, almost in pain, as the tears started A careful reading can expose areas like the above, those that take away the strength of your sentence.

The spacing needs extra attention. For online writing, the generally accepted and preferred form is no indentation on start of paragraphs, but double spaces between each paragraph.


Thank you for sharing your story!

Don't let anyone or anything break your stride! *Bigsmile*

Best to you!
MetaphorSquared
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Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good storytelling. It began as something entirely unexpected, and it took me a while to adjust to the level of concepts, but once I did, it was a highly engaging reading experience. It seemed to function on several levels there for a while, all of which came to abrupt halt when, at the end, another layer of reality was revealed.

Your descriptions, particularly at the beginning, were very clear and phrased in such a unique way, they captured my imagination and brought an appreciative smile. ...of a hue so pure as to make freshly fallen snow seem soiled

Apart from cutting down on extraneous words to tighten it up, I couldn't offer any suggestions for its improvement.

The mental concepts you were attempting to translate for a reader, that world of unreality, it's a supremely difficult task to accomplish. I think, on that, you were successful.

It's ending was highly unexpected. It all made sense, flowed well with the plot, and I doubt I'll ever forget it.

I did notice it's part one, and look forward to seeing part two. Can't help but wonder where you could be taking this story. *Smile*

Thank you so much for sharing it today.

Best to you!
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Review of Snow  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A really twisted tale you've got here. I like the convoluted order in which it was presented. That gave it a real kick at the end. I felt sympathy for your main character, Ryan, and that was ultimately what kept me with the entire story. It's a very good bond you created with your reader, in the character of Ryan. You're on the right track. *Smile*

I noticed a few spots for improvement, if you choose to correct them:
She reassured herself of this fact many time.
times
"Ms. Jones, I brought you here to say goodbye to Ryan before you... away."
missing word here

One logic error:
"I guess you could say so. We... we found Ryan alive, Ms. Jones."
He's in the ICU down in Cedar Point.
And a few sentences later, though Ryan's condition hasn't changed:
"Sheriff Wagner, I didn't kill Ryan. I told you already."
John sighed. "Ms. Jones, we have reason to believe you did.

Of course, this is your work, and I'm only offering you my unbiased opinion. Feel free to disregard it.

Thanks for sharing the reading material today.

CM
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Review of The Talent Pond  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, I'm MetaphorSquared , and I'll be judging today for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . Your item has been nominated for Best Contest.

Ah, the place where charming personalities, inventive ideas, and design meet, at "The Talent Pond"   by Brooklyn . With more to do than can be done, more to see than can be seen, and many of the most personable writers on this site, who could resist the alure? I'm not baiting you, this pond's fully stocked! *Laugh* (My apologies: cat had my puns there for a while, but I seem to have them back now.) This IS a marvelous group. For adults, for younger writers, beginners or intermediate level, it has something to offer every member. You ladies keep up the excellent leadership! Continued success!

Congratulations on its nomination, and good luck!
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Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm MetaphorSquared , and I'll be judging today for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . Your item has been nominated for Best Contest.

Clear guidelines, a great image at its top, and fistfulls of diverse talents submitting to it. Looks like a winner! *Smile*

Congratulations on its nomination, and good luck!
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Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm MetaphorSquared , and I'll be judging today for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . Your item has been nominated for Best Contest.

Wow. Rather involved bit of puzzlery here. Good for those who love puzzles. *Smile*

Congratulations on its nomination, and good luck!
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Review of Emerin  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm MetaphorSquared , and I'll be judging today for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . Your item has been nominated for Best Signature.

Now that's a sweet sig! *Smile*

Congratulations on its nomination, and good luck!
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Review of Happy Endings  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This delivered on its description, was indeed blunt. It was also embittered, pained, and filled with hopelessness. A write like this, as powerful as it was and seemingly real, always makes me want beg the author if they have even a remote faith in a Divine Source, to appeal, themselves, to that Higher Authority for serenity. Of course, that's when authors turn back to me and say, "It's just fiction; can't you tell the writer from the writing?"--So, I won't suggest such a thing. But the writing is certainly strong enough, realistic enough to lead me to believe it's genuine.

We're born alone, we die alone. Any strange ideas we get between those two points of not still being alone are all self-created delusions. We're always alone. We're just alone together is all. The only thing we're able to choose and control is our own attitude toward our varying situations and experiences. Misery is always a choice. As is optimism.

And there's the mark of powerful writing: you got your reader rambling on the subject. Very well done.

*Heart*
A strong write from a strong person.

Thanks for sharing it.
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Review of It was Tuesday  
Review by MetaphorSquared
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is excellent, Nicki. I think the flow of the piece was dynamite, and I smiled through the entire read. Your opening garnered immediate reader sympathy, and built a rapidly strengthening reader bond which made this a stand-out story.

My only complaint about it is you left me nothing to point out for improvement. *Cry*

*Bigsmile* A most enjoyable and memorable reading experience. Thanks for sharing it!
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