It would be better to avoid using the same phrase "secrets and lies" over and over. You might try other synonyms for the phrase. Also there are too many exclamation points. Not every line must end with one, or is this in the requirements? Use them sparingly to really bring out a point that needs emphasizing. Lastly, use fresh analogies. "...just like dirt'll be swept under the carpet." and "...like playing with fire, in the end they'll get burnt." These are cliches and the sentences would really pack a punch with something more original. Otherwise, well done.
This was well written and I liked the way the dialogue flowed. The characters were believable; people you'd meet any day in a city to which you can relate. There was one tiny typo, a space and a quotation mark were transposed at the end of the sentence and beginning of another: "My publisher wants me to do a book signing for my new book," he began, still staring at the floor." He says my fans... the quotation mark and space between floor. and "He says is transposed. The writing itself is wonderful. Keep up the good work!
Well written, and the story flows well. The characters are believable; we were all that naive once! There were a few typos: "Walking to the Neo-Gothic office building." The sentence needs finishing. There is an extra comma in "After a tornado scene, hitting the town..." maybe the sentence could be rewritten. Also one sentence shouldn't make up a whole paragraph unless it's dialogue. The sentence "And so it did." should probably belong to the previous paragraph. Still, these are minor typos. The dialogue was great, flowing and fast-paced. Well done!
Well done, flows like a song, as I suspect it's meant too. It's a little hard to read with the different sized fonts and colors, and the words "golden sand" don't show up very well at all in that color. Very well written, but you don't need the colors because the words paint pictures in my mind. Quite vivid imagery. Keep writing!
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