This is my first review, so forgive me if it's not typical.
The story has a great beginning, and has the potential for a lot more to be expanded upon. I realize it's just a short story, but it requires the reader to miss out on connecting with the characters a little and is just a bit confusing in the dialog between the two girls after they meet. It's tough to explain both situations at once and have the reader understand both at the same time.
I like the way you hid all the details about the primary character at first, the reader finds herself reading about someone whom we have little information about and creates great synergy and similar feelings between the reader and the character herself in a strange and unknown place. I think you have a great opportunity to introduce more detail about the primary character, Amaya, when she firsts encounters Porsche.
I can see this sentence being the end of a chapter,
"I don't know if she's willing to trust me but I don't care. It'll be good to finally tell the truth. I begin the Story of Me"
and lead to a following chapter that builds upon her story and introduces all of her backstory. This way the reader develops a relationship with her and feels comfortable understanding who she is and why she is where she is, before you introduce new characters and situations.
Nice job Caitlin, I can tell you really enjoy writing!!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 3:27am on May 17, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "