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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/checkmate_fate
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17 Public Reviews Given
26 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Aparadoxwalks85
Rated: E | (3.0)
This story is heartwarming and poignant. The work reminds me of Bill Wallace, author of "Snot Stew". I feel sorry for the poor lonely boy and it is reassuring that he gets to spend more time with his dad in the end, though in life the ending is often-time a tad less happy.
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Review by Aparadoxwalks85
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is what every person thinks, but does not have the ability to put into such fantastic words and form. Every line, for me, fits the theme; and the structure is set to a simple but remarkable rhyme scheme. Everybody loves to breathe the whole big sky, and what better condition to do it in than while being smooched by an iris? Well done.
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Review by Aparadoxwalks85
Rated: E | (4.0)
It is great how this is set up as if it could fit into any curriculum and be tought on campus. "Spit out your gum," and "do you write foreign words in your stories" - in French - were two that really caught my ey and kept me reading and learning. This would make a great "Google for Dummies">
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Review by Aparadoxwalks85
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like what is done here, "Google for Dummies," but condensed. It is a comprehensive collaboration of all that is needed to know in order to navigate the world's foremost search engine, now that Yahoo has expanded into so much more. This work is incisive and definitive.
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5
Review of The Music Critic  
Review by Aparadoxwalks85
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The only thing I found wrong with this near-masterpiece is this line in the twelveth stanza:

They had sites for all sorts of things, surely they had sites for such an endeavor? <- that should be a period.

I love the way this creeps along, like a slow chill crawling up your spine. I didn't want to read it because a girl dies, but if she owns her own cat and house I guess she's old enough to tolerably die. It reminds me of Poe and S. King, very well written and menacingly gripping.
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Review of Dreams  
Review by Aparadoxwalks85
Rated: E | (2.0)
How invigorating to examine such an amiable, mesmeric enterprise of contemporary villanelle! I was engaged by your original word usage, like chimera. You need to focus on optimizing your rhythm and those distracting incomplete rhymes. Also, Dave, I would propose that you be much more consistent with your syllabic pattern - as villanelle lines may be any length, but are generally written in iambic pentameter. You should enter this into KHALISH's POETRY IN RHYME AND RHYTHM CONTEST, which coincidentally prompts a poem referring to problems or feelings of the old. We could nobly compete!
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