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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chizoba
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Writer Always
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
"Oh Nonsense author...." In this paragraph, you misspelt retched (Wretched).

"The journey of this cool lover’s tongue began at the delicate promontory of her chin, traced its route downward in the refracting light of the late afternoon sun —circled and criss-crossed erect, dark-tipped nipples, resumed its leisurely path to her navel and finally, at last, lingered awhile at that delicate pulse of flesh between her legs, her Buddha eye." - This paragraph was wonderfully descriptive and the use of imagery is wonderful, but the useof heavy words like promontory and refracting takes away from the pleasureof reading it. People who dont understand the words are going to pause to figure them out, thereby breaking the flow in the reading. Most of the time people just ignore a paragraph they've read once and dont understand. You want to use simpler words. It makes it better.

The story was absomarveperfect!!! Again, I was struck by your use of imagery. Except for the paragraph I pointed out above, I loved it!!! You were a bit vague about the whole murder thing. I kinda got it in the end. maybe its just me, but for some stories intrigue about an event is great, this story would be great without it. Its a bit difficult to read a story in details and then have a vague ending.

All in all, a lovely story! gracias!!!
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Review of Prince  
Review by Writer Always
Rated: E | (4.0)
"I wondered in a worry" - Wouldnt it be bes to remove 'a'?
Other than that, this was a lovely poem. Im not a great fan of rhyming in poetry,because I dont understand it sometimes, but this was surprisingly easy to undersatand. I could actually imagine the snow and the blurry water. love the imagery. Great Job!!
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