good poem, hot poem. Well written. The only thing I didn't care for was the form it is written in. I as the reader prefer stanza, but its your poem and you can write it anyway you wish.
It seems that you wrote your poem in a hurry and published it without proof reading it. I think you can edit it without much trouble. The last line in the first stanza I don't care whether. Seems something is missing. In the third stanza third line wrong word. The stanza should be somewhat rewritten, it could be much better. The fifth stanza should be rewritten as well.
Its your poem do as you please. I think it could be much better with a little thought.
A poem of conflict it seems. Your poem seems to be at a loss for words to one person with the public looking in. Please just say what's in your heart, what do you have to lose?
Writer Chuck
Ps Don't blame me for the low rating.
Helpful poem. I lost my son and only child in 2006. That was and is one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I still get a little melancholy when he crosses my mind.
Makes sense to me, but I'm a plumbing & heating contractor. I was very depressed yesterday. It was my wife's birthday one of my favorite day's of the year. She passed away two years ago this month. No amount of time spent in therapy is going to make me feel better.
Sometimes you are so conflicted that you can't see the trees for the forest. I'm going through the grieving process and doing better everyday. Just my opinion.
Good poem. The subject seems angry at those that don't recognize your plight. There are many who claim to be handicapped, yet seem to be normal when they're out and about. This world is not fair. It is what it is.
Your poem is well written and the last stanza shows the degree of talent you have as you write what's in your heart. Keep that Lighthouse in view as you express yourself.
You have come up with the makings of a great poem. Here are a few thoughts I had for you. Try to write your poem in stanzas. After you have written your first draft of your poem, Read it out loud so you can listen to its sound. Leave your poem for a day or so and re-read it making any changes that come to mind as you read it.
Or leave it as it is, after all its your poem to do as you please with.
Sometimes we must learn who our friends are, and try not to confuse them with our enemy's.
your piece seems like it was written in haste. It helps to read your work out loud and listen to yourself as if you are hearing the piece for the first time. It's much easier to find and correct the flaws and rewrite the story as you hear yourself.
Great article. I can see that you loved your grandmother very much. I know what it is to lose someone close to you. It sounds like the love you had for your grandmother was mutual.
your piece was well written and conveyed your feeling to the reader well. There are some grammatical errors that can simply be corrected. I think your grandmother would have like this piece and if she were still with us would have save the article with her keepsakes produced by you.
I like your poem. It expresses what so many of us go through searching our life's partner.
I would recommend that you read your poem out loud, and listen as if hearing it for the first time. Then see if you can see places that your original wording needs changing for a better, clearer sound when read. I know you can make this poem much better. Writing is a process of change. Please don't get me wrong but your piece reads like a first draft. Take the time to polish it up so that it can be the best that it can be.
WOW! Heart renting piece. The poem brought tears to my eyes as I know what it is to lose a child and a wife. setting my feelings aside I enjoyed your poem and hope you continue to apply your writing skills to the public. Great piece!
I thought this was a column? As I read this piece I realize you are in pain, but I don't know why. You say "its all building up inside me, the burden of thoughts, the hurt of a broken heart. its all dim inside the mind and soul".
As a person trying to review this piece I as lost as a person walking into the theater a half hour after the movie started. You need to talk to someone and workout your problem before you try to write a column for others to read and hopefully understand.
Nice thought. I like the description of what a home is but it sounded better when I switched the position of the last two sentences. Its just a thought, and its your poem but always consider a different angle.
Beautiful poem. Our God is a gracious God. Taking our place on that cross he paid it all, past, present and future sins. Without his sacrifice how would we have ever received salvation.
A harsh end it seems to Eric and Derek. Not all is lost though as the tree survived on time and the nourishment of Eric and Derek.
A sad end to boys who poke and prod at the same spot untill it bleeds to the point of distruction. Now new brothers are enticed to the aged tree may thier fate be better than that of Eric and Derek's.
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