Whew! Okay, what drew me to this is I like football. I like the idea of your story, I really do. You have a kid from a less than perfect setting, and he's your main character. He's spotted by a coach, and drafted into the local football team. I don't know if it's for a school or what, but a good concept.
While I understand Lewis is the main character in your story, I read his name more times than I can count. In chapter one alone, I counted 44 times give or take one or two. You really don't need to put his name before everything he does. Let me show you what I mean:
Lewis walked down Miller St. toward his house
(which looked like Godzilla ate it chewed a few times and spat it out). Lewis lived with a poor family that couldn’t even afford a new pair of shoes for Lewis. Lewis had a pair of shoes that looked like it came from the dump. Lewis walked in his front door walked in his living room (15 steps from the door) and fell onto the couch.
“Mom what’s for dinner?” Lewis asked as he turned on the television (which was as big as a computer).
“A little chicken and beans,” Lewis’s mom replied. Lewis sighed.
That's your writing. Let's see if we can clean this up a tad and make it more readable.
Lewis walked down Miller street towards his home. It looked like Godzilla ate it, chewed a few times, then spat it out. Lewis' family was poor and they didn't have the money to even buy him a new pair of shoes. To him, his shoes looked like they came out of a dump. Lewis walked in the door and right into the living room, which was only fifteen steps away, and plopped down on the couch.
"Mom, what's for dinner?" He asked as he turned on the small television set.
"A little chicken and some beans." His mother replied. Lewis let out a heavy sigh.
Now, of course you'd write this your own way. This was just for example. My point is, you don't need to mention Lewis' name every time he does something. We knew he's the main character. When you introduce a new character, such as his sister, it's great to tell us her name and let us know who she is.
Try re-writing this without using his name so often. I think even you'll find it flows better and is easier to read.
So, you introduce Dante at the end huh? Would that be my favorite quarterback who plays with the Minnesota Vikings per chance??
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