I love a good mystery and what better way to start one than an old photograph. It was fun watching all the characters come together for a common cause and a happy ending. It's a good, concise well written story. I'm wondering if there was a maximum word count you were working within because some of it seems rushed. Some events are summarized such as the visit to R.L. Knight in the old folk's home. Even though he didn't provide pivotal information I'd still love to see that written out in more detail. Good use of dialogue. There's never confusion as to who is saying what. In fact, there are a couple of times where dialogue attribution is not needed. For instance, "How old are they?" Emily asked Susan. As reader I knew by context Emily was asking Susan, but I can see how you may want to make sure there's no doubt who's speaking. However, the next line, "They'll be eight in August," Susan answered. The Susan answered part could be omitted.
Well done! I enjoyed reading this.
Her first day of summer break sure is interesting. This is a great start and you should keep working on it. I like the imagery and details like "chestnut bureau with her oval mirror." It puts a clear picture in your mind of what her bedroom looks like. I like the juxtaposition of that to the description of the city. "Towers of gold and blue homes sparkled with dazzling diamonds of their rooftops."
Good job getting my attention. It raises questions like who put the baby prince on the clifftop and why?
Speaking of imagery, I'd like to read a more detailed description of the bright red hole in the corner of the room. Also, I'd like to understand Jessica's reaction to the red hole. Does she rub her eyes in disbelief perhaps?
Excellent! I wonder what will happen next?
This opening sequence really captured my attention. It moves at a brisk pace yet thoroughly covers everything we need to know to dive into the next part. Dialogue is convincing and dialogue attribution is subtle and used only when necessary. So, Delia will be embedded in a facility for the criminally insane. What could possibly go wrong?
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cptslack
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 8:54pm on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
