I like the sincerity that is felt when reading this poem. It is calming but deep at the same time. I like how you went straight to what you wanted to say. A certain emotion came within me. I believe it may have been a feeling of overall peace and calming.
I really like this poem a lot. I like the flow of it, and how you use a single word through most of the poem to pause. it really makes you think about the last verse you spoke. I have never read a poem like this and think you did a great job!
I think some of the wording is off and could be changed to sound better but overall it has a good message. Now a title for these lyrics that may be good is probably "Lies in Reality" could possibly work with what you are saying. Also you could try changing the Thank in your second line to think because that may possibly make more sense. It also seems as if you are trying to make things end in "ank" randomly through your lyrics which is good but trying to rhyme randomly in lyrics or poetry doesn't always have to happen. Overall good lyrics, and with a little fine tuning I could really relate to what you have said. Good Job!!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 9:17pm on Apr 26, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "