This is an engaging start to the story. The fight was cleverly written and I appreciated the varying races involved in the scene and the attention to detail regarding their accents. What I found was missing was the actual full description of the city, I feel the story could benefit from a greater understanding of the city he enters.
The ending was excellent but very sudden, again, I think this would be sorted out with a greater initial explanation of the charachters surroundings.
It has been written well and held my interest throughout. The story can very obviously be related to society as it stands in reality and I found the dialogue to be powerful and even moving at times.
I believe you captured the feeling of helplessness and sadness in your words perfectly and I enjoyed the quick reminisces of the past. It was interesting the way you had the charachter not consider the future, but instead look into the past for some feeling of peace.
I have rated this short story as a 5. I allow 4.5 for the story as I feel it was well written, moving and captured the essence of tragedy wonderfully. The extra .5 is there for originality, it has left me feeling inspired to write.
Excellent work.
Chris.
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