I commend the effort as always but this is far too empty to really pique my interest. I love the silence theme but am really put off by the sloppy form, no real meter no rhyme after the initial tease. Well all in all I do not like it but thank you for the effort nonetheless.
That was a wonderfully terrible story! I really enjoyed the epic sense of the poem while I read the Meat of the story. The descriptive ending of Theodorick was especially intense and I can not say there was Anything I did NOT like from beginning to the end. Only thing I noticed at all I could help with is the seven syllables in the fist two lines of third stanza of the poem and nine in the third line of the first. Even those were only seen on the second read. Spectacular job all around.
Excellent story you have here. I was slightly confused just at the beginning but the plot became clear soon enough. I enjoyed the mixture of past and present and the way you use each to increase the suspense and curiosity of your readers. I found nothing in the way of spelling or punctuation that needs correction, and the two parts of the story are consistent throughout in their tense and tone. My only contribution would be to move the first paragraph so that it is just before the final one. It seems out of place opening the story but may fit better after we learn what the catalyst is since it seems to suggest madness with it's imagery. Thank you for sharing this perfectly terrible story. Good write!
Excellent work here. Aesthetically pleasing, spot on rhythm and meter, fantastic imagery, and lovely alliteration. I felt the sadness from her arrival to her "sleep of endless dreams", which by the way is probably my favorite verse i have yet read in any poem on this site. I was touched by the choices of vocabulary you used throughout this canto. Simply put, this is a near perfect example of lyrical poetry and flawless in its' form. My only suggestion would be to replace line seven, "Unfurled her colossal beating wings" with Unfurled and beat her colossal wings. Either works well and I am just stating my opinion.
Well you definitely have extensive imagery in your work. This is an effective way to get your feelings across. I for one can see how much anguish went into this poem. Loss is something that most everyone has experienced so this is an easy piece to relate to. Other than the imagery I cannot say I was able to follow the form of your poem. It does not need to rhyme and obviously is not meant to but there is no rhythm or meter to any line or group of lines. I felt I was reading individual lines that had been mismatched or that one line had been forced into a stanza it had nothing in common with. You stuck to the quatrain form and inserted the heartbeat as a sort of consonance however that was the only sort of structure found anywhere in your poem. Do not be discouraged the lines can easily be moved around to create poetic form just decide what scheme you would be comfortable with and follow that from start to finish. You got your point across throughout and that is the most important aspect here.
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