What I liked:
This was such a fun poem to read. Despite the tragic story that resulted from being struck by muse, the poem itself displays perfectly how quickly and powerfully a muse can strike. Your second stanza, especially, struck me with its truths - the cascading of words and pictures and ideas. Half the time my brain is moving too fast and my hands can't keep up. I'm even more grateful for technology and the fact that I type faster than I write. It's my only saving grace.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I really like how you structured this poem, the mostly short lines of the first two stanzas mirroring the whirlwind of ideas with which the muse strikes. Then the stanzas grow as the words come and the story is put down to paper. Even the darkness of the story that comes can't completely dampen the general excitement of the poem, at least for me. And at the end, the way you alter from excitement to the deeper emotion that comes along with truly falling into the character as its being written. To feel the hurt and pain and freedom alongside the character certainly shows a special depth and connection that you portray eloquently.
Overall Thoughts:
I really love this poem and think you've done a spectacular job of capturing the moment muse strikes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and talent with us. I look forward to reading more from your port!
What I liked:
As someone who is slightly arachnophobic as well as just plain allergic to spider bites, this poem spoke to my heart on the deepest levels. I initially thought this would be some love poem to spiders until I saw the last sentence of your description and laughed and knew this was the poem for me. You managed to take the creepy and icky reality of spiders and wrap it in a blanket of poetic humor that I truly appreciate.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
The tone was perfect and the rhyming quite clever and witty. My skin crawled and I squirmed in my seat as your words mirrored my every day actions in attempt to clear my house of the vile creatures.
Overall Thoughts:
You are quite clever and creative with your words and how you made such a simple subject so much fun, yet still relatable. Not to mention you really did make my skin crawl. If your poem is as close as I ever get again to another spider, I will die happy. Alas, I know that shall not be the case. In any case, I appreciate your humor and thank you for bringing me such laughs through your poetry. You definitely have a talent, and I am intrigued and look forward to digging through more of your port. Great job!!
What I liked:
This was such a beautiful look into the past of this person's relationship with an architect. I loved everything about it - your words, the images so easily forming in my mind. You definitely have a way with words.
I think my favorite line has to be: When we met, he made an Olympic sport of love's challenges, winning my heart with his distracting air and powerful presence.
I just think it's such a powerful image of new love and this man's charm.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
With so few words, you've managed to create such a wonderful characters. I was cheering on this charming man who chewed on his pencils and wrote poetry all while thinking this person so lucky to have found such a man. And then you ripped that dream away from me in a nice little curveball of the sobering reality of current circumstances. And then all I wanted to do was hug the person for having what appeared to be such a wonderful relationship taken away. Thanks for that. I guess it's a lesson to enjoy every moment, for in the blink of an eye it can be gone.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
None.
Overall Thoughts:
I really loved this piece and thought it was a beautiful, even with the unfortunate twist at the end. Your writing style is also quite powerful, with your ability to portray such images and emotions apparently effortless. Wonderful job!
What I liked:
You are what you spell! This was a fun poem, and you certainly managed to provide exactly what the poem spells...encouragement! And you did it in a fun and different way than just the typical "you can do it!"
I think my favorite line was: Understanding that your piece doesn't have to be perfect, the first draft
I don't know if you necessarily need the comma in there, but the statement is so true. I'm such a perfectionist, as I know many people are, and it can be hard for me to write when I can't perfectly articulate what I want to say the first draft. But all of the things you list are steps or hurdles in the writing process that we all have to deal with, and it's easy to forget that we aren't alone in experiencing them.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I always find acrostics to be fun, and yours is no different! Not only did you manage to spell out but you managed to highlight so many important aspects of writing.
Overall Thoughts:
This is a fun and encouraging poem. You've done a great job, and I appreciate the fact that you took the time to write it for me and for everyone. Thank you for writing this, and keep up the great work!
What I liked:
This was a quick and fun (and very relatable) story! I think just about everyone, at least on this site, has probably had such an experience in their life, and that's what made the story so fun. Dave's answer at the end of the story really gives the story a solid end. When I'm reading a book, I'm so often transported to whatever world an author creates. I had to laugh at his answer because I would probably respond to Ken's question with something very similar. When a good book pulls you in, you really do feel like you're there.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
For being such a short story, I think you did a good job. Part of me wishes there was a bit more to it, but the fact that it's being told by a young (not sure the age) boy, I feel like it is an appropriate voice. I've spent a number of summers at home reading while my friends were off going to beaches and such, so I understood his frustration and disappointment in the beginning.
Overall Thoughts:
I think this is a fun little story that not only brings back my own summer and spring break memories, but it is also a good reminder to everyone that fun and adventure can be found anywhere, not just in physical trips, but in books and imagination. Great job!
What I liked:
This was such a beautiful piece. I ended up going on my own little ride as I read it - the cute, fun story that I expected turning into quite an emotional one.
I really loved the following line: Stepping carefully up onto the platform, Anna wove a slow circle through the fantastical creatures perched there, caressing a back here, tracing her hand over a snout there.
With those words, I was immediately brought back to my own childhood, remembering how it was always such an agonizing decision to to find the perfect animal to ride!
Plot/Characters/Setting:
The carousel has always been one of my favorite rides, and I thought you did a wonderful job of creating such a wonderful story around the ride. I was there with Anna the entire way, sneaking around, picking out which animal to ride. And at the end, I wanted to jump through my screen and give her a big hug! Everyone has their own way of mourning and remembering loved ones we've lost, and while it's a bit heartbreaking that she can no longer really ride the carousels, you've managed to create such a beautiful, quiet moment of remembrance.
Overall Thoughts:
I can be quite an emotional reader, and I'll tell you that with a sentence or two more, a tear probably would have fallen at the end. You've done an absolutely wonderful job!
Hi Fivesixer!!
This is an anniversary review on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
This was quite the powerful piece, and once again, you know how to start off with a bang and draw a reader into the verse. Those first three lines are so powerful, yet heartbreaking: "I can say this in the nicest way possible,
having been scrubbed and sanitized
from your every existence."
Two more lines that it hurts to love: "That's as clear as this new reality
lets me see through this sickness of disbelief."
Whatever the relationship, however bad things may have been, it's still hard to imagine being completely removed from the other's thoughts and very being. To go from something to nothing in someone's eyes is quite the punch to the heart, especially when that person meant a lot at some point in life.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
It's rough. It's harsh. It's frustrating. It's heart-breaking. It's emptiness, the spot in their life in which he no longer exists. So many emotions tangle together in this poem, and the structure and flow of voice suits it well.
Overall Thoughts:
I truly enjoyed this poem. I think you are such a master of words and emotions, being able to put so much in such succinct form. I've been amazed with all of your work today, and I can't wait to dive further into your port. Wonderful job!
Hi Fivesixer!!
This is an anniversary review on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
I really liked this poem and its overall message. I appreciated how you drew attention to the fact that not all "advice" is necessarily helpful advice. As much as people may have good intentions or want to help, constant admonishment isn't necessarily the way to go.
I think my favorite lines are: I'm not inventing or pretending;
just barely escaping new ways of failing.
I like the line because, to me, it shows the depth of helplessness that some people experience just trying to keep their heads above water in the vast ocean that is life. People don't usually approach life with a plan to fail at things, and when they do, pointing out all the things they did wrong isn't always the best way to go about addressing the situation.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I've noticed you have a very distinctive voice in your poems, and I really appreciate it. It's a strong voice, and you don't mess around but get right to the point.
Overall Thoughts:
I think you did a wonderful job setting the stage and conveying emotions through this piece. It even managed to get me a little frustrated because I understand completely frustration of the entire situation. It's easy to draw out my happy emotions, so I always give an extra thumbs up with a poem can frustrate me (in a good way)!!
Hi Fivesixer!!
This is an anniversary review on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
Well this was a pleasant surprise! After reading some of your more recent work, this was a pleasantly sweet change of pace. As your description noted, there was plenty of sugar! I'm just happy to not be diabetic so that I could soak it all in! I think we've all had experiences of being somewhere and seeing someone who just makes you smile - those times where everything can be falling apart, but for the few moments in that person's company, all was right in the world. And you've done a wonderful job of capturing such a moment.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
This is such a sweet piece with a sense of longing for the beauty and peace represented by the girl in the coffee shop. The poem flowed well, one sugary line melting into the next. Very well done!
Overall Thoughts:
I truly loved this poem. There was such a simple beauty to it that made me smile. You've done a wonderful job, and it's interesting to see this other side of your writing. I think I'll leave you with my favorite lines, as they were such a perfectly sugary sweet end to this piece:
And within that same flash
of innocent charm and unexplained wonders,
I felt as beautiful as you.
Hi Fivesixer!!
This is an anniversary review on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
This poem has me reminiscing the days when I grew up in a small town. I'm in a large city now, and there's something to be said about being a 5-10 minute walk or drive to wherever you want to be. And it's not just the small town I long for, but like you, I miss the simpler times. I feel like you've managed to succinctly put many of my own thoughts to paper.
I think my favorite lines were:
"but my name is the only thing I own
that can't be taken from me."
It's a nice reminder that while it may feel that a lot of things are being taken from us, no one can take our names, our sense of self. It's a powerful, yet comfortable thought. At least to me.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I really enjoy the matter-of-fact way of your writing, and I think it works in your approach to this subject matter. Especially in this piece, you just lay it out how things have changed and how you're determined to remain true to yourself. It definitely deserves respect in my eyes. You just do you.
Overall Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this poem. I often don't feel like I'm made to handle these times, and it's nice to know I'm not alone in my thinking.
Hi Fivesixer }!!
This is an anniversary review on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
I liked it all! I never would have thought to made the connection between a penny and the people in my life, but you've shown me that it's quite the appropriate comparison. I've met those people who have brightened my day, but then I've also had those come into my life who make me, as you put it, "end the day one cent poorer in emotion." It's such a simple comparison, but it has such depth to it, and I love it!
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I love how you put forth the idea of the penny and then follow it up with a series of introspective questions that I, in turn, found myself asking of my own life. They were like a frying pan knocking me in my head, telling me to look closer at the relationships in my life, both the good and the bad.
Overall Thoughts:
I really appreciate the entire concept of this poem. Thanks to you, I'll likely be more aware of the strangers I pass from day to day on the sidewalk or the new acquaintances I make, wondering on which side of the coin they will fall. I'll be mentally labeling them "heads" or "tails," I just know it. This is only the second item I've read in your portfolio, and I am truly enjoying how much you're making me think and reconsider aspects of my life.
Hi Fivesixer!!
This is an anniversary review on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
You had me from the title! As someone who spent a couple of winters up in Canada, I really enjoyed the imagery of the land, especially the lines about Niagara Falls: "where does it land, or does it get up again?" Simple, yet powerful. And of course there's the squirrel mafia, which is such a fabulous description in itself, not to mention it's so very true! I actually laughed out loud reading about the squirrels!
Tone:
I appreciate your manipulation of tone throughout the poem. The poem is so full of images and beauty, and just as I'm about to get lost in them, you suddenly pull me back to the point, to the darkness that has been lingering throughout. Yet, combined with the darkness is that sense of peace you mention in the poem's description. It's quite an emotional combination.
Structure/Rhythm:
While I do enjoy structured poems, I'll say that my favorite are free forms because they allow you to do just that: be free. Instead of flowing with rhymes throughout, your poem flowed from image to image.
Overall Thoughts:
I thought this was a wonderful poem, the last few stanzas being equally beautiful and sad. I want to mourn, but at the same time, there is a peace about it all.
Even if the dashes put this over the 55 word limit, I still think it is great, in a sad way. Structurally, it looks sound. All the sentences are very blunt and to the point, which is as much as one can ask for under such a word limit constraint. In a way, I like to think that it echoes the brain patterns of men (generally speaking, of course). The entire situation is quite tragic, and it almost makes me feel sorry for the entire male gender, but I know that there are some respectable men out there who can hopefully produce a different scenario. This was definitely an interesting take on romance. Very nice job on this 56-worder.
Note: Everything in this review is meant to be constructive and helpful.
General impression:
I love this piece. It's very straightforward and blunt, but I like that and it works very well. I love the free form of the poem. It's a nice parallel to the somewhat careless tone of the work. I guess it's not carelessness as much as...'this is what you'll get when you deal with me.' The beginning of it, the way you introduce yourself, it's as though you're asking us to take a journey with you, and in a way, you are.
Technical Suggestions (grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.): Just remember all we are are who we were. - This is the only line that stuck out as slightly awkward. And it's more the flow of it than anything. I think that all it needs is a comma after all to emphasize that you're addressing us with the second half of the line.
Other than that, I think you've done a wonderful job.
Areas of Improvement:
None.
Favorite Lines: For in the end we all must offer up an answer.
Not just our life and how we chose to live it, but for the
things said during it as well.
I just love that. You always hear that 'it's not what you say, but what you do.' In this setting of a writing community, you throw in the perspective that the opposite definitely holds true as well.
Just remember all we are are who we were.
Nothing more, but sadly oftentimes less than what we could be.
Another line that is so very true. Living up to our potential is something that I'm sure everyone struggles with and very little achieve. Wonderful point!
In Conclusion:
Being a blunt person myself, I really like that aspect of it. In describing yourself, you've also pointed out some wonderful facts about us all. It's a fun and different twist to the biography section of our ports. Wonderful job!
Note: Everything in this review is meant to be constructive and helpful.
General impression:
Wow. That's all I have to say. This poem was beautiful, and yet so tragic. You use such simple language to get across such a powerful message, and I love that. You're not forcing anything, and the rhyming scheme only adds to the fluidity of the poem.
Technical Suggestions (grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.):
The only suggestion I have is that I notice how you use punctuation in some stanzas and not in others. For example...in the third stanza, periods should probably be at the end of the second and fourth line. It's just a small thing and something to think about.
Areas of Improvement:
None.
Favorite Lines:
I guess it's kind of hard to have a favorite line for such a theme, though I think the second stanza really hit home for me. The last two lines of it kind of gave me a bitter punch in the gut (in a moving way).
In Conclusion:
This is a beautiful dedication to such an unfortunate circumstance. You did a wonderful job.
Keep on writing!
dark_rose
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House Stark 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
The entire situation is quite tragic, and it almost makes me feel sorry for the entire male gender, but I know that there are some respectable men out there who can hopefully produce a different scenario. This was definitely an interesting take on romance. Very nice job on this 56-worder. 
