Ouch. Well I can definitely say I've been there. It always hurts so deeply when you become lost in someone then have them leave your life for whatever reason. It's not a case of "oh I so sad, my boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me". It's always a case "I have given so much of myself to this person, invested my hwole heart and soul to them and now it's over. How do I go on without them?". Words and verse can convey so much yet even they fail to truly describe the pain. I think that is why so many of us write about our pain, hoping to capture the essense of what we are suffering so someone can understand it.
He was riveted and so am I. There were a couple of grammar errors, mainly things like words either missing or replaced with the wrong ones. For instance, did Bethany rush out of the kitchen or into it? There are some examples of that so you might want to proof read it. I was absolutely captivated by it and drawn into it imediately. I only wish I could read the rest of it. This is the way a good novel should be written. With details but not lacking the hook of a good story that draws you in, compelling you to read more. I can't say for certain yet but if the rest of your work is like this you may just make my pick for review this month.
The sentence structure makes it a bit difficult to read at times. The sentences tend to make the flow a little choppy and awkward. However the story is good while a little lacking of description of the mental and emotional aspect of the main character. I loved the ending though. I thought it really spoke of the rage and animosity of the character for their tormentor as well as the danger of the consequences of bullying and injured person. I thought the ending made a bold statement as to the mental and emotional state of the main character. I only wish we had seen more of it when explaining the suffering the person went through both from the event and at the mistreatment from the bully.
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