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Review of Starting Over  
Review by darklingthrush
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I really loved this story. It reminded me of my Grandfather, who has passed away. Something which struck me about your writing was this: I had a perfect picture in my mind of what the orange grove and the farmhouse looked like.. but you don't really describe either in your story! Just thought that was curious.

This story is very reliant on the voice of the main character.. and I think that you could do some work on this. I am not exactly sure what is needed (I am a novice writer) but I think there are several things.

First is the language the character uses.. it seems a little formal compared to what we know of the character.. he is young, and is a farm boy. Yet, when he speaks, he isn't using any colloquial language or anything like that.

The second thing is that sometimes he seems to be narrating, and other times he seems to be thinking out loud. That's ok, but I thought it might be useful for you to know that it seems ambiguous to the reader.

The third thing I noticed is how you make transitions from one paragraph to the next.. An example would be in the fourth paragraph. The young man is in the middle of relating a very emotional story about the death of his grandfather, and then he kind of drifts into this part about his tragic past and the health of Grandma Mae- then back again to the death scene of the grandfather.

I think that this story is really wonderful. You have a great talent, and I look forward to reading your other pieces.

Keep up the great work,
Sarah
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