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I see you haven't yet found a title, maybe, 'Boy is an Island Without Arms' ?
The tense seems fine to me and the rating seems correct.
It was an enjoyable read with strong visuals. The conversation about Da Vinci was totally weird, and I sympathise with the heroin when she sees that the mountain has bigger, browner eyes than hers
I have just one suggestion:
Tying it securely around the stump that is the remains of the Boy’s arm
Would maybe read better as:
Tying it securely around the stump that remains of the Boy’s arm
This is a story written in first person pov and in the present tense. I found that it read rather strangely. It's your story though
I have a couple of suggestions if you'll permit, but they're only my suggestions:
The colour is absorbed out of my face
I think 'drained' maybe more spot on than 'absorbed' here, as absorbed means to 'take something in'.
Page after page of vile, putrid, sadistic writing
I'm convinced that you only need one of these adjectives to get the point across, three makes it rather dramatic.
I know people say that short sentences are best, but, sometimes very short sentences together make stilted reading, for example:
I scream in agony. Must fight it.
The last sentence is a fragment. Sometimes fragments work fine, but here, for me, it would read better as one sentence: I scream in agony, I must fight it.
(With my left hand) I pick up the many handwritten pages.
Do you really need those brackets?
The ending was a bit strange. After everything he'd just done to his hand, the last paragraph starts with, 'All is well'.
I'm sure you could play around with this a little to make it an easier read. It was sometimes confusing, at one point I didn't know which hand was which, and I had to read through it again.
If you edit it let me know and I'll pass by and review again.
A fabulous competition.
Since I joined WDC three weeks ago, I try and write every day for this contest. I've found that writing for these prompts have enabled me to progress immensely.
The judges are lovely and they're very helpful in their reviews with lots of good tips.
I would advise anyone who needs experience in writing to come here and try their luck. Finding a good plot with a beginning, middle, and an ending in fewer than 300 words is hard, but fun, and helps you to write things with only the necessary detail.
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