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62 Public Reviews Given
62 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Kind. We are all writers from the heart. It is from the heart that I review. I will not poke holes in your work. Your story is yours to tell. I will, however, offer craft suggestions.
I'm good at...
I look for author's craft. Opportunities for you to use figurative language to immerse your reader, and structure suggestions to keep the reader from putting your story down.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Fantasy, Science Fiction.
Least Favorite Genres
Non-fiction, erotic.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please take all I say with a grain of salt. I am new to reviewing and most of what I say is based purely on my opinion and what little I have learned.

First impression: What a clever idea. I enjoyed reading this out loud as if I were hearing the audio-blog. I found my voice dipping into a swagger that is not quite a southern accent, and it stayed consistent throughout the read. The puns and references to childhood stories and cartoons is clear and delightful giving a fantastic imagery without having to actually describe any of the surroundings and leaving the story purely vocal/dialogue.


Plot and POV: Obviously the point of view is from the wolf's side being that it is a monologue, and the plot interesting with his admission of his affection for a sheep. I think that you could have introduced/opened without telling us that it is an audio blog. That did feel a little like you did not trust me to figure out the purpose of the monologue. Instead jump straight to the introduction, the second line, and the wolf talking about his affection.


Finally: This charming piece could be showcased by adding additional dialogues from other characters in a collection. I look forward to seeing if that is where you are going with this idea.


I want to say again, this is just my opinion and you are free to take what you want form my suggestions and leave the rest. We are writers and are allowed to hold to our belief that what we have written is what we meant to write.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
I want to caveat my review by stating that though I have been writing for pleasure for years, I am no expert. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt as the saying goes.

My impression: There is an interesting story to be told here. It seems to be the beginning of a thriller that would be very interesting to read.

Characters: Your main character is clearly drawn with his thought patterns, and when the other characters were introduced, I could picture them also. I do have one observation if you do not mind my saying. The others seemed to be described more 'thug' than 'scientist' and that felt a little off. If it is intentional because of future segments in the story, bravo, you accomplished the feeling that these characters are Bullish. But if these characters are suppose to be 'evil scientist', I felt that description of clothing and action to be out of alignment.

POV: I love the first person point of view. It is one of my favorites and allows for a certain amount of mystery and suspense. It also helps the reader to understand the confusion of the main character and draw them bit by bit into the story.

Overall: There is a lot of 'Tell' and only some 'Show' here. It started with your main character telling his every move rather than showing it. This is a hard thing to accomplish in First person POV but would make a huge difference in drawing your reader into the story.

I hope you keep working on this story. There is so much here to work with and a thrilling suspense that I would love to read more of.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review of The Death Lady  
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
My first impression is that this is a very interesting story. Have no idea of where it is going. I would like to read more.

I identified the plot easily. You indicated it was a "choosing ceremony, and the plot was accomplished.

Your lead character is vivid and likable. Her description of her siblings is clearly from her point of view.

I enjoyed the price and would encourage you to write more of this story. It has a lot of potential.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Draft  
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: E | (2.5)
Impression: I enjoyed the story and understood the dismal outcome was inevitable. It felt very much like a first draft and has a lot of room to grow.

Plot: I really enjoy the plot, very realistic and detailed. Starting in the boys home and walking through his experiences until he reaches the end.

POV: Point of view is very personal for every writer but had I written this, I would have written this in First person from Taylor's pont of view and included more self reflection. I could have allowed for stronger connection to the character.

Character: Taylor is a young boy full of fear and I understood that because you told me in the story. Adding more examples of his experiences would help show me that fear.

Overall Impression: There is a fantastic story here that just needs a little polishing. Remember show rather than tell the reader what is going on, it helps to drawn on the readers personal emotional base and creates a stronger connection to the character. The ending was very abrupt, that I would not change at all.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Sounds like you have visited or live in Florida.

I enjoyed this. It went from reminding me of Douglas Adams to Monty Python on a roller coaster. I truly had no way of anticipating what would come next except the demise of the main character. It did leave me curious about the really, really long day and how it would leave him on a dark road, pant less, jacket on backward, and walking around at night.

The banter was good, and I enjoyed that you made the narrator a character in this story. Very interesting use of blatantly telling the reader what point of view it was written in.

I enjoyed this very much and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: E | (4.0)
This gave me a chuckle. That insufferable lamb has driven most of us nuts for decades. Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review of Sally saw  
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: E | (3.0)
She sounds like a very interesting character. I am not sure how to review this only because, it is clearly a description of the character based on your point of view. You should try writing a description based on another character's point of view, perhaps the headmaster of the school since he would have more intimate knowledge of each student. Or you create a description of the character from the character's point of view told in First person POV.

The idea is interesting and I would very much like to see more. I am glad to meet another writer interested in Teen writing. I am working on a story for YA right now myself. I hope we can help each other out in sharing feedback.

Let me know what your working title is so I can read more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by DMCarroll
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I enjoyed this, but to be completely honest it felt more the beginning of what would be a very interesting novel and fantasy based fight to win the Lady from the secret location. I could just about see the beginning of a character development from fearful soldier to hero and a release of the village from the fear and poverty by finding the wealth which was hidden. The ending felt a little cut off.

Overall, I enjoyed the world you created.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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