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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/domingo_110
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8 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Sad  
Review by Dom-110
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's very well written and makes a good descriptive piece. I especially like the way that you've magnified what seems like every single physical feeling your character has and you give weight to just about every part from the eyelashes to the feet giving the character a huge sense of realism.
Are you thinking of turning this into a story? It would be interesting if you did especially as you've introduced elements of a plot and something more than pure description by mentioning the medication towards the end of this.
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Review of Red Elf  
Review by Dom-110
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's quite sweet and I like the way you've combined a traditional story about bickering elves and castles with more modern items such as DVDs, bin collections and bombay mix.
I think you definitely need to proof this though, there were a few typos and, towards the start, I thought a couple of the sentences were a bit clunky; 'But which visitor was nearly always a mystery but he had a routine...' and the long sentence in the paragraph afterwards could probably be broken up a little.
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Review of My Dream Lover  
Review by Dom-110
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's a nice, sweet poem. The sentiments are well described and I felt it was a poem that comes across as very softly spoken in terms of the word and syllable sounds you use. The subtle and seemingly improvised rhyming scheme adds to this effect.
If I could recommend anything, I'd just try and do what you're doing already but more so. Maybe you could shave off some of the longer lines to improve the flow ('and I think I've died and gone to heaven' in particular') and perhaps you could make greater use of the repetitive 'soft' sounds such as 'eh' and 'ess'. Also, you've accidently hit a 'b' while writing .'summer'.
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Review of His hands  
Review by Dom-110
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I like the way your poem splits into three sections- the abuse, courtcase and, finally, the character becoming stronger. The last line, in particular stood out well. I wasn't too sure about the constant repetition (when reading this I pretty much skipped over them after 3 or 4 lines when I knew what was coming) although it does work well in the line where your character's talking to the judge as it's used in a different sense. Oh, and one minor point- I'm guessing 'only I seen before me' is a typo.
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