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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dontincurmyire
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11 Public Reviews Given
67 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by halcyon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
You injure the poem by diverting from the rhyme scheme at the very beginning, divering at the end can make a forceful impact but at the beginning it just seems strange. Other than that I did like the poem the syllable count was sketchy at and this makes the poem very hard to read. If you read it outloud it should have a certain flow to it. The syllable count should not change too much. For example instead of saying,
I want to look, but I'm a nervous wreck.
say something like.

I'd look but I'm a nervous wreck.

Simply cutting down on unessecary words can greatly improve the impact of this poem.
Not bad however
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Review by halcyon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have alot of good details.

"They would stretch their lime-green necks and yellow teacup heads, so they could embrace the morning sunshine rays that found their way through the deep, green treetops"

I feel as though I am reading the jacket cover of a book at times.

"That number never really changed from year to year but in 1991 a resident by the name of Nell Lytton would leave forever or at least that is what she thought."

Why did Nell leave? That is probably the question people will ask when they read this. It simply has no real plot. You do a wonderful job of setting up a location a beautiful town and a creek, that you did well, but what about Sorrow Creek makes it worthy of the name sorrow creek. What happened there that makes it sorrow creek or maybe what did not happen. You name the story Sorrow Creek but you say so little about it. This to me is great but it simply sounds like an introduction to a much longer story. Keep trying hard !!!!
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Review of ode to Arafat  
Review by halcyon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I thought the ending was good. I really am worried however because I feel that while this good, I have to tell you that a significant number of people are going to be scratching their heads asking Yasser who? With that in mind I think If i were you I would leave out any mention of him in the poem itself. Writing about historical (or soon to be historical figures) can be dangerous in my opinion because often if you do not have the creative spirit to say something meaningful about their life then it simply comes across and the repition of other things people have said about him or her. Other than that it was actually a fairly good poem.
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Review of Autumn  
Review by halcyon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Though promise may seem crushed,
And dead beyond the dying,

This line does not make sense.

As it’s leaves stretch

Neither does this one. It's is a contraction or the short form of it is. Im sure you did not mean to say, As it is leaves stretch.

Other than that I thought it was a decent poem.
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