*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dr.madrigal
Review Requests: OFF
2 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of THE CAMP OUT  
Review by Dr. Madrigal
Rated: E | (3.5)
You could benefit from having others proofread your work before you host it, as there are a fairamount of typos throughout.

"That was how Sam, Torrie, How and I found ourselves and several other people several days later on horses heading up the old train tracks." This sentence is a good example of how awkward some of your prose sounds. If you reread things and say them out loud, these problems could easily be fixed.

The story would have been much scarier if you had given a better description of the creature. Right now it sounds like the monster from "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" which made me want to laugh, which came close to ruining the scene. Since it's so critical to the story, you could have paid it a little more attention.

But it had a good ending and I liked the concept. This is a great start.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dr.madrigal