The story was intriguing to say the least. Rather like being lost in a dream. First a horrible one, then a dream that became wondrous and interesting. The characters are interesting. The story probably deserves more time devoted to it. Perhaps lengthening it a bit into more writing would give it a proper treatment. The pace of the story itself is just a little too quick to give it the proper emotional impact.
I did get some of the emotion you tried to convey, just too quick that's all. Write more on this. Take this as a skeleton and expand on it. I think it might be a great story if longer. This would draw more people in emotionally.
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